Some job titles instantly give women the ick before a single date can even happen. Not because the pay is bad or the work is unserious, but because dating Nigerian men in those industries has already given them premium headache.
From insane schedules to red-flag community behaviour, these careers have simply been blacklisted from romance. We asked Nigerian women to speak on the professions that instantly repel them from a potential lover, and they had interesting responses.
“DJs and their unstable schedules are totally off limits” — Sarah*, 30
After a brush with someone in nightlife, Sarah swore off anyone whose job involves late nights and endless parties.
“If I hear you’re a DJ, I’m instantly friend-zoning you. I know what my eyes have seen.
In 2021, I dated a DJ who played at one of my favourite pregame spots. It was great at first: he had money and took me to fun places. But a few weeks in, I realised I’d bitten off more than I could chew.
He was always outside. If he wasn’t playing a gig, someone was inviting him to chill at 2:00 am, and he’d expect me to come along. I work a 9-5, so it ruined my sleep schedule. Then there were the women who threw themselves at him, even in my presence. The worst part? He wouldn’t turn them down directly because he “didn’t want to be rude.”
One night, he left me at a smoke-filled house party with strangers to go pick up a friend. He didn’t return for two hours. I was so tired the next day, I had to admit to myself it wasn’t sustainable, and I broke things off. I didn’t even have the energy to be sad. I first slept the entire weekend to recover my sanity.
Now, I know I can’t handle it. I can be friends with a DJ, but I’ll definitely never date one again.”
“I can’t date anyone in the military” — Modupe*, 25
For Modupe, one look at her uncle’s marriage was enough reason to blacklist men in uniform.
“I’m not interested in dating any military personnel. In fact, the moment I hear you’re a paramilitary or have desires to join the army, I’m checking out.
It’s mostly because of how I saw my uncle treat my aunt. He’d punish her like a child—, asking her to kneel and raise her hands like a baby. I can’t let anyone treat me like that. He also didn’t allow her to have any decision-making power in their relationship.
Another big issue was his constant absence. My aunt complained about wanting to grow their family, but couldn’t because he was always being deployed somewhere. Plus, imagine the constant worry of not knowing if your partner will come back home alive or in one piece.
Abeg, it’s too much stress. Let the soldiers carry their wahala away from me.”
“I have no desire to be ‘Mummy G.O.’” — Demilade*, 29
After growing up as a pastor’s kid, Demilade has no intention of dating a man of God herself.
“My dad pastors a small church in Ibadan, and let me tell you, I can never be with a spiritual leader. He wasn’t a bad father, but he was always emotionally drained. People came to him for prayers, advice, financial assistance, and deliverance. It never ended.
It was a bit better when I was younger, before phones became more popular. But now? If it’s not a WhatsApp call asking to pray over a job interview link, it’s someone who has roped him into midnight prayers to fight against one spiritual battle or another. He takes it like a champ, but I’ve seen how it made him too tired to give the same attention to my mum or my siblings. It’s as if we support him to properly cater to his flock.
I admire his work and dedication, but I knew for a long time that I’d never be happy partnering with someone like that. So when suitors talk to me, especially fellow Christians, one of my first questions is, “Do you plan to start your own ministry?” I need to know what I’m signing up for. I don’t want Mummy G.O wahala.”
“I will never date a doctor again” — Faridah*, 30
After dating a boyfriend she hardly ever saw, Faridah has sworn off doctors for life.
“When I moved to Lagos in 2022, I met a handsome doctor at a bar, and soon after, we started seeing each other regularly. He was kind, sweet, and funny, but my main issue was that we hardly ever saw each other.
He was an OB-GYN, so most of his patients were pregnant women. That meant he could be called back to the hospital at any time— in the middle of the night, on a date, early in the morning; it didn’t matter. If the baby was coming, my man had to be there.
I admire his work, but I wasn’t having my emotional needs met. If he wasn’t at the hospital, he was sleeping. It was hard to say I felt neglected without sounding insensitive. It’s not like he was partying or slacking off; he was working.
After we had to postpone our Valentine’s date in 2023, I knew I had to make the difficult decision to break up, which I did in April. I think you need to be very understanding to date someone like that, and I’m just not that person.”
“I can’t take a hypeman seriously” — Sade*, 27
Sade hasn’t dated one, but she’s convinced a hypeman’s job is too frivolous to be taken seriously.
“I can never date a hypeman. I’ve met a few and they’re extroverted and fun, but I find their job too unserious to take them seriously as partners.
Don’t get me wrong, I love a good hypeman at a party; they keep the vibe alive. But I can’t imagine my man shouting ‘dorime no be for civil servants’ and see him as the one taking charge in our relationship. My friends think I’m reaching, but it’s just too much for me.
I think it’s the yelling that turns me off.”
“I can’t date any man who has to be offshore” — Tola*, 34
After an unplanned long-distance relationship that didn’t work out, Tola is done dating men whose jobs require them to be away for extended periods.
“I didn’t use to think a person’s job would affect how I saw them romantically, but a relationship in 2019 showed me a new personal boundary.
I started dating my ex in my final year in 2014. He studied engineering, so he had one more year in school. I did my NYSC in the same city, so we still saw each other often.
After he graduated, he got a job in Rivers state, working on an offshore rig. At first, I was happy. The pay was good, and he loved his job. But soon it started putting a strain on our relationship. We didn’t plan to be in a long-distance relationship, so the sudden switch was uncomfortable.
There was hardly network on the rig, so we couldn’t communicate as much as I would have liked. But my biggest issue was how long he stayed away. I complained a lot at first, but I soon realised that I either had to accept the nature of his job or leave the relationship. I tried to manage, but the lack of communication, combined with the long distance, was too much to handle.
Now, I can’t date someone who works on a rig again. Even if you’re busy, at least let me be able to call or see you when I need to.”
Help Shape Nigeria’s Biggest Love Report! We’re asking Nigerians about relationships, marriage, sex, money, and everything in between. Your anonymous answers will become a landmark report on modern Nigerian love.
Click here to take the survey. It’s 100% anonymous.
See what people are saying about this article on social media
ALSO READ: 3 Generations, 1 Question: Is Cheating a Deal Breaker?
