Nothing prepares you for how bad a friendship breakup can hurt. For some, the pain can cut deeper than any romantic breakup could have done. One day, you’re inseparable, like siblings and the next, you’re strangers. Sometimes, the people we trust the most are the ones who end up breaking our hearts the hardest.
These Nigerians open up about the friendship breakups that changed how they see loyalty, and friendship forever.
“I opened my home to her, but she planned to rob me” — Kemi*, 59, F
Kemi thought she had found a lifelong friend in her co-worker, but her true colours left Kemi shocked and heartbroken.
“In 2010, I got very close to a co-worker, Lade*, who I met at my new job at an IT firm. In 2012, she got a sudden eviction notice from her landlord and didn’t know where to stay while she looked for a new place to live. I immediately invited offered for her to stay with me and my family in the interim. What was supposed to be a week-long stay turned into three years. I didn’t mind it; to me, she had become a part of our family.
In 2015, everything changed. One Saturday, I was sitting at home when a group of police officers came to the house with Lade and someone else in handcuffs. They had been caught trying to contract some street urchins as armed robbers to come to my house and steal the new Jeep my husband had bought. I was shocked to the core. This was someone that my husband and I were discussing buying a car for the following year as a gift, because of how good we thought she was. I heard her family bailed her out of jail a while later, but I made sure to cut her out of my life completely. I sent all her property to one of her family members and blocked her number and social profiles.
I withdrew from everyone after that. It was hard to accept that I was so open with someone willing to put the lives of my children and husband in danger over a car.”
“He let another person’s lies come between us” — Lanre*, 38, M
Lanre was left broken when his friend believed another person’s lie over his own account.
“My best friend Jibril* and I have been tight since we were thirteen. He was my brother in every sense of the word. We even lived together as flatmates after graduating from university.
In 2019, one of our mutual friends grew jealous of our closeness. He wanted to be closer to Jibril, but apparently, I was in the way. So he connived with Jibril’s ex, who hated me, and they both lied that she cheated with me during their relationship.
When Jibril confronted me with this accusation, I denied it immediately, but he didn’t believe me. Blinded by his anger, he moved out of our apartment a few weeks later. The fact that he didn’t believe me cut me deep. I thought all our years together meant he would have more trust in me, but I was wrong.
We hardly speak now that he has moved out, and I feel the vacuum he left in my life. I miss him a lot, but I don’t know if we can fix our friendship.”
“She kept job opportunities a secret from me” — Debisi*, 28, F
Denisi’s bestie broke her heart when, instead of sharing job opportunities with her, she kept them hidden.
“When Funmi* and I met in 100 level, we gelled instantly. We ended up in the same hostel and before the end of our first semester, everyone in our dorm knew we were joined at the hip. In 300 level, when things became very financially difficult for Funmi’s family, she didn’t even need to ask: I shared my allowance and foodstuff with her till we graduated. It’s not like I had a lot, but I saw her as my sister.. After finishing school, our friendship only grew stronger. In fact, in 2023, when she had a housing crisis, she lived with me for two months while she searched for a new place.
Then in early 2024, we both lost our jobs. While searching for new jobs, I would send her every job opening that I came across. She claimed she did the same for me, but over time, I noticed I was hearing from her less and less. I thought she was getting tired of the constant rejection emails, so I ramped up my search for jobs we could apply to. I called her every other day to encourage her and give updates about my progress, and I assumed she told me about hers as well.
Five months into our job search, she reached out to me, dejected because she had mixed up the dates for an interview she had. She had never mentioned anything about this company, but I thought it just slipped her mind. I calmed her down and wrote a letter for her to send to them to reschedule, which was successful. But she didn’t get the job at the end of the day. I asked her to share the application link with me so I could apply instead, but she said the applications had closed. A short while later, while speaking to a mutual friend, I found out that she not only lied about the application being closed, but she had been keeping the openings she knew about a secret.
I didn’t want to believe it at first. When I asked her about it, she said I shouldn’t expect her to carry my matter on her head, so of course she wouldn’t share jobs she hoped to get with me. When I pointed out that I shared mine with her, she said that was my choice, and she didn’t ask me to share them. It was as if she threw cold water in my face. I haven’t spoken to her since then. It’s been more than a year, but it still hurts as if it were yesterday. I don’t know if I can trust anyone as much as I did Funmi, but I take each day and each friendship as it comes.”
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“He went behind my back and stole my idea” — Joseph*, 32, M
Joseph experienced a betrayal from his best friend that cut so deep that even years later, it still stings.
“More than a decade ago, in 300 level, I told my then-best friend Amos* about my dream to start a graphics and custom printing business when we were done with school. Amos discouraged me from it, saying it would be a waste of my engineering degree. I didn’t give up on the dream despite this.
In final year, I got my first deal to print custom shirts for our department’s finalists after a lot of begging and lobbying. To my shock, my faculty president broke our deal two weeks later because they had found a much cheaper option. It made me sad, but I kept it pushing.
It broke my heart when one of the excos told me it was Amos that brought a cheaper, juicier deal to their table for the shirts. I confronted him about his betrayal and he said it was just the way the business world worked. That conversation marked the end of our friendship. I don’t believe in ‘best friends’ anymore. Even though it happened so long ago, I still remember the pain of that act when I feel myself getting too comfortable with anybody. Anyone with a chance to get one over on you will.”
“She moved abroad and slowly forgot about me” — Sarah*, 29, F
Sarah shares how the slow death of her friendship with Demilade* has hurt her deeply.
“When Demilade* shared that she had gotten a scholarship to pursue her Masters in the US, I was the most elated for her. In fact, when she was about to move, we went shopping together, packed her things together and had a sleepover. I even followed her and her family to the airport to see her off.
What I didn’t expect was the fall off. At first, we texted each other every day and spoke to each other often, but over time, her replies came later and later. It got to a point where she wouldn’t reply my texts for days. When I tried to have a conversation about it, she said I shouldn’t expect her to abandon her new friends in the US for me.
It felt like she punched me in the stomach. I kept my distance after that and she never tried to bridge it. I sent her a happy birthday message in September, and she replied three weeks later. A simple ‘Thanks.” I keep trying to think about if the sisterhood we shared before she moved abroad was even real. She set me aside like it meant nothing to her. This was the person that asked me to be her chief bridesmaid when we were fourteen, before either of us even had our first crushes. It hurts to have lost her so slowly, but I’m trying to heal and hopefully move on.”
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