Pregnancy is full of beautiful and challenging moments, but the days and weeks after delivery can be some of the most physically and emotionally demanding times in a woman’s life. For many new mothers, a supportive partner can make all the difference, from running errands and cooking to simply holding their hand through late-night feedings.
In this story, five Nigerian women share how their husbands showed up for them after childbirth.
“He was my support when we were alone in the UK” — Bemi*, 29
Bemi’s pregnancy journey was smooth, but childbirth tested her strength. Her husband became the pillar of support she needed to make it through the first months of motherhood.
“My husband was my pillar of strength and support after we had our baby girl. We were in the UK and neither of our relatives could come, so we only had each other to lean on.
Thankfully, we had our baby in December, so he got two weeks of paternity leave along with the Christmas holidays. During the one month he was around, I could rest and let someone else take over from me when I was exhausted. It was great. He’d already taken over cooking during my pregnancy, so I always had enough to eat without stressing.
After I delivered, he helped massage my tummy and body with hot water. I also had a nasty tear the doctors couldn’t stitch because of its awkward position, so I had to sit in hot water and dettol every day. Each time I went through the hot water treatment, he stayed beside me and encouraged me.
He did everything he could to make my life easier. When I struggled to lactate, he researched ways to help me produce more milk. He even bathed the baby for weeks because I was afraid of dropping her. All I had to do was dress her. I truly felt loved and cared for during that period. I deeply appreciate him.”
“My husband supported us with money but not much else” — Dupe*, 58
When Dupe had her first female child, her husband wasn’t in town to help. But his attitude changed when they welcomed a boy.
“My husband supported us with money, but didn’t do anything else. He was out of town when our first child, a girl, was born. He really wanted a boy, so once he heard we were fine, he didn’t return until a day before her naming ceremony.
He gave us enough money for everything: baby clothes, food and maids — since both our mothers were late. But he barely looked at the baby. He took some photos with her at the naming ceremony, then travelled again for months. He was a bit warmer when he returned, but he made it clear we had to try for a boy as soon as I was ready.
Three years later, we had a son, and that changed everything. He was present for the delivery and fed me after I delivered. He even learned to bathe and feed the baby for the first year. His support really helped because I could focus on night feedings and caring for our first child.
I try not to think of what would have happened if our second child had been another girl, but God knew what He was doing when He gave us a boy.”
“He would sleep on the floor just to be close to me and the baby” — Tumininu*, 24
Tumininu shares how her husband’s support helped her through the ups and downs of the postpartum phase.
“There was nothing my husband didn’t do to support me after I put to bed. He cooked for me and my mum, so we wouldn’t stress. He woke up in the middle of the night to care for the baby, so I could sleep comfortably. He also slept on the floor beside my bed for the first few nights. There was a bed in another room, but he wanted to be close to us.
He handled all our laundry, including our first child’s, and made spicy noodles for me whenever I wanted it. He also never made me feel odd about the changes my body went through. He even loves playing with my fupa, I still don’t understand it.
Now that I’m away for school with the baby, I miss him so much that I cry sometimes. But he texts every hour, no matter how busy he is, and calls when I’m offline. He makes such an effort to be present in our lives that it feels like he’s right beside me sometimes.
He has a beautiful relationship with our first daughter and cares for her so lovingly that I’m not worried about her now that I’m not around for the school session. He has been my rock since we started this journey together, and I love him for it.”
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“My husband would wake up with me to feed and burp the baby” — Damilola*, 31
From the moment she found out she was pregnant until after the baby was born, Damilola felt her husband’s support every step of the way.
“I definitely felt supported. It was my first pregnancy, so I threw up a lot, but my husband cleaned up after me without a single complaint. Before I got pregnant, he already helped with chores, but he took on all of them so I didn’t have to stress.
We attended every antenatal and postnatal appointment together. When we needed to find a suitable hospital for the delivery, he spent days searching for the best options.
At some point, I had to resign from my job, and he took on one more job to cover our bills. I was at the hospital for four days because I had a long labour, and he was with me the entire time, even though we were in the middle of moving apartments. After delivery, I had a sulcus tear (vaginal wall tear), and he’s been very patient with me when it comes to having sex.
Our baby doesn’t take formula, so I had to breastfeed every night. He always woke up with me, burped the baby afterwards and made sure I got enough rest in the morning. He also does our grocery shopping and the baby’s laundry, and generally just takes care of us.
Our baby is almost 6 months old, and I’m just now planning to get another job. But he’s assured me that I can take all the time I need to get better.
I doubt I can remember everything, but I feel very supported by my partner.”
“He encouraged me a lot, but I think he was scared of touching the baby” — Simi*, 50
Simi’s husband didn’t help with the baby physically, but she appreciated his constant encouragement.
“I think my husband was scared of our first child when I had him. He’d look at him in his cot, but only carry him for short periods before giving him back to me or my mum.
My sister and a maid came to help me after I came home from the hospital, so he didn’t have much to do anyway. However, he helped a lot during the naming ceremony. He coordinated the cooks and servers, but barely touched the baby. Any chance he got, he would come to our room and greet me, “well done”. He could do it fifty times a day.
He got better when our child started walking. He would carry and bathe him occasionally. I felt supported because he paid for everything. He did as much as I expected a man to do when a baby arrives.”
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