The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad.
Obi (27) has lived in four different cities since leaving Nigeria ten years ago, but she is still not settled abroad. She shares her journey of constantly being on the move, unpacking the emotional weight of migration and exposing the hard truths behind the “Japa” dream that many Nigerians pursue abroad.
Where do you currently live, and when did you leave Nigeria?
I currently live in the United Kingdom (UK), but I left Nigeria in 2015 to go to the US.
What inspired you to leave?
It was just what was expected. After secondary school, you go abroad to further your studies if your parents can afford it. So I would not say I was inspired to leave; I was just expected to. Once I finished secondary school, I spent a year doing SATs and applying to various universities in different countries, including the United States (US), the UK, Canada, and Mauritius. But I ended up choosing the US. At the time, I just felt like that was where I needed to be.
That is very interesting. So, how did you find the experience in the US?
I had visited a year prior because I have family over there. So I thought I had an idea what life would look like, but living there was a whole different ball game. It was the first time I was really on my own, not being sheltered by my parents. So I had to grow up very quickly.
I felt very much like a fish out of water during my first semester. I did not do very well academically because I was very homesick and depressed.Like I said, I had visited family there before and I had always absorbed so much American media. So I felt I already knew the culture, but it was very different actually living there.
How so?
The US is a very capitalist place, so even as a student, money went fast. I had to get a job and learn how to take care of myself. Within my first year, the exchange rate went up drastically from around a dollar to ₦160 to around ₦300. So I realised I could not expect my parents to keep up with my fees and allowance.
I tried to get a job, but you are not allowed to do so on a student visa until your second year. And when you do apply in your second year, it has to be within campus and you can only work 20 hours a week.
I quickly had to learn how to manage money better and live there without getting myself into too much debt.
Okay, so you struggled academically and financially. What about socially?
I was a bit of a loner in Nigeria because I am neurodivergent, and Nigerians do not really know how to relate to people like me. But I thought it would be better in the US, that Nigerian-Americans would be better with things like that, but that was not the case.
I had friends from different ethnicities: Hispanic, white, Black, Asian. But I found it very strange that I was not getting along with the Nigerian-Americans.
Why was that?
I tried to make Nigerian-American friends in the beginning, but they had subtle discriminating behaviours like saying you’re “fresh off the boat” because you just got there.
There is a huge Nigerian-American community in Texas and I was immersed in it while I lived there. There is a lot I liked about it, like the fact they really seem to want to have some kind of connection to Nigeria. I really liked that some of my cousins there had a better understanding of Igbo than I, who grew up in Nigeria. I admire that their parents put effort into that.
While I admired those things about them, I also feel like they have carried a lot of the bad in Nigeria and brought it with them to the US. They worship white people and discriminate against Black Americans and other Africans in an off putting way.
They are also very materialistic and judgemental. Once, an aunt tried to matchmake me, but apparently when the guy’s mother heard I was studying advertising and not medicine or engineering, she immediately called it off.
They have just carried all the same prejudices here, including their politics. Obviously, as immigrants you would expect them to support Democrats because that is the party that favours immigration. But because they hate queer people so much, they vote against that, not realising they are harming their own interests.
I left just before Trump’s second term and looking at all the things he is doing, honestly, I think Nigerian-Americans deserve what they are getting. They lack the social awareness and consciousness to know who their true allies are.
Wow. I certainly see your point. Did your other friends help you settle into life in the US though?
Yes, my friends definitely helped me settle. I think the culture also helped. The culture in the US allows you to be a bit more expressive, so even if you are acting strange, nobody is going to start asking what is wrong with you like they would in Nigeria. People are not as judgy in the US.
I have dyscalculia, a learning disorder affecting numerical reasoning. In Nigeria, a maths teacher made me stand up and told me I should go to Mountain of Fire Ministries for deliverance because I was very bad at maths.
It took me a while, but I started to feel more comfortable in the US. I remember early on a Jamaican friend told me I was being very uptight. And that was because I was always anxious, expecting people to act a certain way towards me like they would in Nigeria. But eventually I got used to being able to just breathe and be free.
Also, they have a system that is better built to support people. When I started to realise I was getting depressed and it was affecting my academics, I went to the campus mental health services and they really helped.
It was very one-size-fits-all. Just the generic “we are here for you” type of wellness. But it was still a lot more than I had ever gotten in Nigeria, where when I would tell my family or friends that I was feeling some kind of way, they would either ask me to pray about it or get over it.
What did you do after school?
After you graduate, you get what they call an OPT (Optional Practical Training), which allows you to work in the US for one year. Then your employer has the option to sponsor you through an H-1B work visa.
So during my OPT year, I got to feel what working full time in the US is like, and it made me see that the American dream Nigerians japa to chase is a scam.
I was earning money, but about 60 per cent was going to bills and rent, so I did not have much left over. In the end, my employer did not want to sponsor my H-1B, so I had to either leave the US or go to school. I decided to do my master’s in New York.
So you moved from Texas to New York?
Yes, I did. It was both good and bad.
It was good because I got some scholarships which helped reduce the weight of the fees. And of course, the opportunity to experience such a famous city.
But it turned out to be very expensive. I got a job as a grad student, but this time it was not just 60 per cent of my paycheck going to rent and bills, it was all of it. It is extremely expensive to live in New York.
Thankfully, after my master’s, I got out of New York. My parents moved to the US to live with my brother in Georgia, so I went to join them and got a job there.
Wow. That is three different cities.
Yes. In total I’ve lived in four cities since I moved abroad. I lived in Texas for about five years, then I lived in New York for about three years, then Georgia before moving to London.
From my experience there, I realised that even though the US is one country, each state is very different. Still, I noticed one common thread, which is that there is not that much difference between America and Nigeria. I have heard people say it as a joke that the US is Nigeria just wearing a Gucci belt. But I genuinely think there is truth to it.
The biggest differences are the basic public utilities that Nigeria lacks, and the fact that they hold their politicians to some kind of standard, or at least they used to. Other than that, the way things worked and the way people looked at life were still very similar to Nigeria.
You will see homeless people on the subway in horrible conditions, and people do not care. People just keep going about their own business the same way Nigerians ignore the beggars living under bridges and sitting on the roadside.
The things they have gotten right in the US made me realise that nobody is handed a good country or a good government. You literally have to fight for it, and I want to see Nigerians fight and hold their leaders accountable. I saw my American friends pick up their phones and call their representatives to let them know how they felt about policies. We need that in Nigeria.
I do not think I have heard anyone compare Nigeria to the US quite like this. Is that why you left?
After my master’s, I had another OPT year to get a job that would sponsor my work visa. Like I said, I got the job in Georgia. But the company is headquartered in London, so they got me a UK work visa and transferred me there. That is why I live here now.
That’s great. How is the experience in the UK?
It has been good. I definitely miss some things about America. I was there for almost ten years, so I think that is natural. I am still getting used to the system here, but honestly, it has been quite boring.
One thing I really love here is their transportation. I also love how much closer to Nigeria it is. I can easily hop on a flight and be in Nigeria in five to six hours, instead of the about sixteen-hour flights back in the US.
I also like how the Black people here are very connected to their places of origin. In the US, Black Americans have their own culture, but in the UK, Black people here identify with their place of origin. They might be Caribbean, Nigerian, Ghanaian, Zimbabwean, and so on. They are very much connected to their roots.
Generally, people here are not as open or as extroverted as they are in the US. They are much more quiet, much less likely to be very chatty. But I think my social life here is pretty good. Actually, I am probably going out a lot more here than I was in the US. I think people go clubbing so much more here, because it is much cheaper than in the US.
You mentioned flights to Nigeria. Do you come back often?
I visit as often as I can afford, but typically at least once a year. Every time I go back to Nigeria, for the first two weeks I start thinking about moving back because of the excitement and happiness of being home, eating Nigerian food again, and being with my family.
This might sound trivial, but I have gotten used to having electricity and water. So when I open my tap in Lagos and there is no water, I realise I cannot actually live in Nigeria as it is currently. My sister lives in a high-end part of Lagos, and her water runs brown.
I never actually planned to live abroad for this long. I only wanted to spend four years in the US, get my degree, and go back home. I used to think, “Why would I stay here when I have a house and a family in Nigeria.”
But every time I visited, it felt like something had gotten worse. Last December, I was shocked that our currency has gotten so bad that even with my little paycheck that I am barely managing here, I am able to live such a good life in Lagos.
It blows my mind that our currency has gotten that bad. But it also made me think that perhaps Nigerians in diaspora should realise that we have a bit more power to help change things at home.
So you would consider moving back permanently?
Certainly. I do not think people really consider what a shock it is not being in your country. Not being with your family, not being with the people that you grew up with in the places that you grew up. It is not normal.
You become so disconnected from everything, even from your own self, because when you are detached from your people, there is a kind of emotional self-detachment that happens too.
No matter how long I lived in the US, it never felt like my home and it never would, because it is just not my home. There is nothing like being at home.
A return to Nigeria would be great, but Nigeria needs to get those basic utilities working.
What has been the best part about your life abroad?
The best part has been meeting people from different places. I really enjoy learning from other cultures and seeing how they live.
That is great. What about the worst part?
The worst part is all the different ways you are reminded that where you are is not your country. You are basically a third-class citizen. People think money can insulate them, but you will always be reminded that you are not in your country.
I watched people get opportunities that I was better qualified for, simply because they were citizens, because they had papers. It is like being in a cage of your own making. You cannot even complain because you came to their country.
For example, getting a job after my master’s was incredibly hard as an immigrant. My family sat me down and advised me to maybe switch to nursing to increase my chances, but I did not want to change my entire life plan just because I wanted to get papers.
I think a lot of Nigerians that travel have this mindset where the end goal at any moment is how to secure papers. I think it is a daft goal to have, because it is like you are trying to get people in another country to give you papers, and you do not even understand the fact that they do not want you in their country.
As we are seeing all over the world now, as soon as the economy gets a bit bad, the first people they are going to blame are the immigrants. It has been that way throughout history. In the US, I started to feel like I did not have a future. I felt like all I was working towards was trying to find a way to stay.
You are always on edge, always calculating how much time you have left on your visa. Then somebody like Trump enters the government and they change the entire laws, and maybe you get deported because of your social media or something else that was not in the laws before.
It does not make sense to hinge our entire lives and goals on things that we have no control over. It is silly to expect things from another country’s government.
That makes a lot of sense. What about dating life, how does it compare?
I think dating is very similar everywhere. I feel like in the US they are a bit more shallow. Surface-level things are quite important to them. And public displays of affection are a big thing there.
When I would come back home to Nigeria, sometimes I would be open to dating, sometimes it would just happen, because you know Nigerian men do not let women rest. I would say the biggest difference is that Nigerian men are much more persistent. They pursue a lot more than American men ever do. I think that is just our culture.
But I would say our culture currently does our men a disservice, as it tells them that the only thing they need is money. I am not moved by money because I have my own, as small as it is, so I am not able to understand why they seem to only tell me about how much money they have. I really do not care.
In the UK, it is a mixed bag. You have some very lazy men just looking to leech off women, and then you get the ones with massive egos who have these long lists of demands about how they want their girlfriend to be.
Part of moving as much as I have is that it affects relationships. It is very hard to maintain friendships and romantic relationships.
That must be tough. On a scale of one to ten, how happy would you say you are, and why?
I would say a solid five point five. I am happy in a lot of ways, and I think it is important to recognise my privilege, but it has also not been easy.
I feel like my entire life has been in suitcases. Four cities in ten years. It is not a great way to live. I have a long-term visa right now and a really good job, but I still feel very much like I am on a timer. And that is how it has always felt all my time abroad.
So it is a five point five because I still do not feel settled.
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