Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.
Nnadozie* (40) and Ugo* (42) met at university and quickly became inseparable. Their friendship continued even after they graduated, and Nnadozie thought he had found a brother for life.
When Ugo moved to a different country, their relationship changed for the worse. Nnadozie shares how he is nursing a broken heart after Ugo’s behaviour completely changed once he became more well off than he was before.
How did you meet Ugo*?
We met at the university in 2006 in Anambra state. We were in the same class, and somehow got drawn to each other. We became very close not long after.
What were the early years of your friendship with Ugo like?
Our friendship was amazing. I didn’t even see him as a friend; he was like a brother to me. He was my closest confidante, as I was his. There was nothing I did without telling Ugo first. We were so close that people even started suspecting we were more than friends, but that wasn’t the case. Meeting him was like finding a long-lost brother. We were inseparable even after we graduated from school.
What happened after school?
Ugo moved to Cameroon after our studies to look for greener pastures. It didn’t pan out, and five years ago, he moved back to Nigeria. During his time in Cameroon, our friendship didn’t fade. We spoke on the phone at least once a week, texted every day, and we still shared everything with each other.
What about after he moved back to Nigeria?
It was the same. When he came back, we talked and he shared that he wanted to try emigrating to a different country. He chose Canada and began the process. It was very expensive and he didn’t have a lot of money. I was happy to help him with the little I had to spare, sponsoring his travel to his visa interview and paying for documents when I could. I didn’t think much of it because I felt that I was doing it for my brother. He didn’t get the visa the first time, but in 2023, he did, and we celebrated together before he moved.
Did the friendship change after he moved to Canada?
Not at first, we were still as close as ever.
So what changed?
My business suffered a huge financial setback in 2023, right before Ugo got his visa. It was such a bad loss that even my fiancée at the time left me. I got depressed and withdrew from all my friends because I didn’t want to share my predicament and feel like I had become a burden to them.
Did Ugo notice this change in your behaviour?
Yes, he did. He called me not long after and demanded to know why I wasn’t as available or responding to his messages and calls. I told him what had happened, and he tried to commiserate with me and told me to keep my head up. However, from that time, I noticed things were going awry between us.
How do you mean?
When I called Ugo, he was too busy to talk on the phone or he wouldn’t respond to my texts for days which was unlike him. But if he called me and I was too busy to pick up, he would pick a fight with me. At first I thought it was because he was adjusting to his new life abroad but it quickly became tiring. I’m not prone to conflict so our constant fights were wearing me down.
Can you recall a significant fight?
Yes, in 2024, I called him after we hadn’t been in contact for a week. After gisting for a while, I asked him for the number of the agent who helped with his move to Canada. Instead of giving me his number, Ugo maintained that he didn’t think I was ready to move abroad. I told him I was ready, and that was why I asked, but he insisted. I was outside with some of my neighbourhood acquaintances, so I didn’t want to fight him. I told him I’d call him back later, and he responded that if I ended the call, I shouldn’t ever call him again. I thought he was joking, and wrapped up the call, but after that, our relationship became strained.
Did you try to talk to him about this behaviour?
Yes, I texted him shortly after and asked, “Are we still best friends?” He said yes, and I told him I didn’t know if we still were because I didn’t understand his behaviour at all. He didn’t respond to that.
What happened next?
Life continued as usual, and Ugo became wealthier abroad. Sometime this year, I posted on my WhatsApp status about a Nigerian film I was enjoying. Ugo responded to my post mockingly. He said I definitely didn’t suffer a financial setback because if I did, I would be looking for a solution instead of watching movies.
How did you react to that?
I got upset. Did he want me to be sad with no respite because of the bad luck I suffered? I told him to back off, but he didn’t. He suggested that since all my friends, including him, are well off, I should gather them and ask them to donate money to get me out of my bind. I didn’t want to do that because I know that many of them would use the opportunity to mock me or look down on me. We got into an argument over my decision, and we didn’t talk for a while.
What happened after that?
I got a call from Ugo’s ex. She asked me if something was going on with him. When I asked why, she said he had become very annoying since he left the country, and he had been boasting about his new wealth abroad. Her call let me know that Ugo wasn’t just misbehaving with me.
Regardless, I tried to keep our friendship alive, thinking it was just a phase, but things came to a head after my birthday in June 2025.
Tell me about that
Usually, Ugo liked to be one of the first people to call and wish me a happy birthday. This year, he didn’t call at all. It was late in the day when he sent me a half-hearted “Happy Birthday” text. I was shocked. It made me feel like I wasn’t important to him at all.
Did you tell him how that made you feel?
Yes, the day after, I told him how hurt I felt that he didn’t wish me a happy birthday the same way he usually did in previous years. Instead of explaining himself, he flared up. He said that I was ungrateful for not appreciating that he took the time out og his busy schedule abroad to remember my birthday. He said I was lucky I got a message at all, and if I wanted an apology, I should go to hell.
Wow.
I was so shocked as well. It broke my heart when he said that. I told him we wouldn’t be able to continue our friendship if he spoke to me like that, and he responded, “Is that what you want?”. I affirmed that was what I wanted, to be spoken to respectfully or left alone. He didn’t speak to me or text me after that.
Whoa. That’s so sad. Have you tried reaching out to him since then?
Yes, I have. In August, I sent him my usual long birthday wishes, and he responded with a curt “Thank you”. It made me sad, but I thought there was still some hope for our friendship since he responded. Then I saw something that broke my heart completely.
What did you see?
I have a business line and a personal line. I have WhatsApp for both numbers, but I use my business line more often for general conversations. I had to use my personal WhatsApp the day after Ugo’s birthday, and that’s how I saw he had posted several photos from his birthday on his status. I found this odd because when I checked with my general line, I didn’t see anything he posted. That was when it dawned on me that he had blocked me from viewing his status.
How did that make you feel?
It was like a splash of cold water on my face. It was the turning point that made me realise that our friendship was over. Out of anger, I posted on my WhatsApp status: “Some people don’t see their poor friends as friends until they become rich.” Ugo saw the post but never responded, which was unlike him and I didn’t reach out to him either.
Did you take that as the end of your friendship?
No, I still tried to reach out. Just this past week, I called him to see if I could salvage our relationship, but I found that I wasn’t happy while speaking to him, unlike how I used to feel before everything that happened. After we hung up, I sadly accepted that our friendship had run its course. It was heartbreaking.
Would you take him back as a friend if he apologised in the future?
Yes, I would be happy to reconnect with him because I’m a forgiving person. But we can never be as close as we used to be. I don’t want a best friend who will toss me aside just because he feels we aren’t on the same financial level. Anything can change and I want to be sure of the loyalty of the people in my corner.
Has this affected the way you view your other friendships?
Not at all. My other friends have been my emotional support during these low times. Their actions show me that Ugo’s bad behaviour is exclusive to him. It’s painful to have lost a friendship of almost twenty years, but I’m happy I have other lovely relationships to nurture.
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