Marriage may seem perfect in pictures, but the real test happens in everyday life. Beyond the smiles and celebrations are the challenges, sacrifices, and choices that truly define a relationship.
After hearing from wives about their experiences, we asked Nigerian husbands if they would choose their wives again. Their answers reveal what long-term commitment really means.
“Her new appearance might push me into an affair” — Charles*, 46
If I had to marry again, I wouldn’t choose my wife. We have been married for 15 years, but the main reason I’m still in the marriage is for the unity of the home and our children.
I do like that she supports me and faces our financial struggles head-on, but still, we’ve grown apart due to the nature of her businesses. Her ambition has driven her to run several trading ventures, and she has taken on the role of a market woman.
Over time, it’s changed her appearance. With childbirth, stress, and the demands of her work, she now looks much older and darker. That’s why I no longer find her attractive.
I know she works this hard because my office job does not pay much, and I respect her sacrifices, but it doesn’t change how I feel. I try to focus on the good and control my emotions. I only hope these feelings don’t push me into an affair.
“She stood by me when I got into trouble” — Kola*, 51
I’ve been married for 21 years, and I’d do it all over again. I met my wife shortly after coming out of a bad relationship. We met at a bar, and at first I only planned for us to hook up, but I quickly fell in love. She’s been there for me in ways I didn’t think were possible.
In 2018, I ran into serious trouble with the law. I stood as a guarantor for a friend who stole millions and disappeared. I lost my job, my reputation and spent six years unable to find a job. During that time, my wife carried all the responsibilities. She never belittled me and even went the extra mile to make it feel like I was still in control.
Her support, given so selflessly, is why I would choose her again in a heartbeat.
“She gave me a beating that landed me in the hospital” — Aman*, 48
I got divorced last year, and based on my 19 years of marriage, I would never make that mistake again.
We were introduced in 2004 by one of my uncles. At first, she seemed sweet and nice, but once we settled into marriage, I realised it was all pretence. She was troublesome and constantly fought with people in the neighbourhood. They often came to me with complaints, which embarrassed me.
At home, she picked fights over the smallest things. If I spent time with my friends, she would complain endlessly. Eventually, I became frustrated. I wasn’t getting what I needed from the marriage, so I started seeing other women. I didn’t leave outright because I didn’t want to disrupt our children’s lives, but emotionally, I checked out.
Things worsened when she began starving me as punishment. Even though I provided money for food, she refused to serve me meals whenever we argued. Two years before our divorce, I stopped eating at home completely.
My breaking point came in 2023. During an argument, she kept shoving me. I slapped her, but instead of backing down, she attacked me. She punched me so hard I lost my breath, and when I fell, she pounced on me. That day, I landed in the hospital.
After that incident, I packed my things and left. By then, my children were old enough to stand on their own, so I filed for divorce. It was the best decision for my peace and health. Looking back, marrying her was a mistake. If I’d taken more time to get to know her, I might have avoided such a toxic marriage.
“Our children show her more affection” — John*, 63
I wouldn’t. I can’t say I totally regret my marriage, but I’d be fine if it never happened.
I’ve been married for 41 years. I met my wife in 1984, around the neighbourhood where I played football. We started sleeping together, and when she got pregnant, I was just 22. It wasn’t what I’d planned, but I did what was right and married her.
Over the years, we’ve grown apart. She doesn’t trust me, and I’ve never felt we were truly on the same page. Our differences showed up in how we raised our children. I was stricter, while she was lenient, and the kids naturally gravitated to her, seeing me as the difficult parent.
The biggest disappointment came in 2022 through our son. He was living at home when one of my friend’s daughters moved in for her youth service. Unknown to me, he started sleeping with her, and she fell pregnant. When confronted, he denied it, which didn’t surprise me, given his character.
What shocked me was my wife defending him and calling the girl a liar. A DNA test eventually confirmed he was the father, but by then the damage was done. Because my friend felt betrayed, he took his daughter and has refused to let me meet my grandchild.
It hurt that my wife enabled him, even though she’d faced a similar situation herself. That incident caused a major rift between us. Today, our children show her more affection because she always takes their side.
“She came back to Nigeria for me” — Jamal*, 28
If I had to marry again, I’d definitely choose my wife. We’ve been married for a year, and I truly believe she’s my soulmate. Our relationship started in 2016, when we were coursemates at university. Many doubted us back then, but we’ve proven them wrong.
What makes us work is our shared wavelength. After graduating in 2019, she left Nigeria for her master’s program, and I worried the distance would break us. Instead, it made us stronger. Because of me, she returned in 2022. I knew I had to marry her.
The past year has been wonderful. We have made sacrifices, but they have only deepened our bond. I feared marriage might change things, but everything feels the same except now I get to call her my wife. It is one of the best decisions I have ever made.
“She slept with another man for money” — Chuka*, 50
If I had the chance to choose again, I would not marry her. In fact, I would not marry at all.
I have been married for 20 years to a woman I grew up with. We were childhood friends from the same city, and I thought our familiarity would make marriage easier. I was wrong.
For me, peace of mind is more important than anything, and marriage has not given me that. These days, it feels like marriage is no longer “for better or worse.” Many women only want the better part. In my case, money became the biggest issue. She has been verbally abusive and often compares me to other men with more money just to bruise my ego. In 2017, she even had an affair because of money.
When I found out, it was a tough decision to stay. We have managed to move past it, mostly because after so many years together, we understand each other’s flaws. Still, the reality of marriage hasn’t been what I imagined when I chose her.
“Her loyalty makes me grateful I chose her” — Dubem*, 35
Yes, I’d choose her again. I’ve been married for eight years, after dating my wife for three. The way we met still makes me smile. I noticed her struggling to cross the expressway and helped her. That small moment grew into something bigger.
She has become such a part of me and truly understands me. I am an engineer, and because of the nature of my job, I sometimes have to be away for up to six months when I get contracts. During those times, she runs my business and manages our children perfectly.
We always present a united front. Even when her family questions the nature of my job and how often I am away, she defends me without hesitation. That loyalty and partnership make me grateful I chose her, and I would do it again.
“I fear she’ll never love me the way I want” — Sam*, 31
I’ve been married for three years, and while I love my wife, I’m not sure I’d make the same choice again.
We met on a dating app, where she made it clear that she was fresh out of a relationship, but I thought she was ready to start afresh. I didn’t realise it would be an issue until after our wedding.
Her previous relationship lasted four years, and it’s been difficult for her to fully detach from her ex. I noticed she still texted him, posted about him on her status, and engaged with his posts on X. When I brought it up, she accused me of being insecure. I let it go because I didn’t want to appear jealous, hoping she would make adjustments.
But nothing changed. When I raised the issue again, she claimed she had cut him off. Earlier this year, I discovered she lied and even removed me from her stories so I wouldn’t see her posts. That’s when I realised the secrecy went deeper than I thought. I don’t believe she’s physically cheating, but it feels like I don’t have her full attention in our marriage.
The truth is, I pushed for marriage more than she did. Sometimes I worry she only agreed because of my persistence. Now I fear she’ll never love me the way I want. I’m not sure I can live with that.
I’ll be stuck struggling to raise children for the rest of my life — Azeez*, 60
I’d marry my wife again, but only under different circumstances. I’ve been married for 23 years, and while we’re not unhappy, I’ve carried the weight of our family alone. Twice, I gave her money to start a business, but she squandered it, leaving the entire burden of running the household on me.
One of our biggest conflicts was over children. I only wanted three, but because she felt pressured by family to produce a male child, she insisted we keep going. I gave in just to have peace, and we didn’t stop until we finally had a boy, at number six.
Now my first child is 22, and I still feel guilty that I could only afford to send her to a polytechnic instead of a university. My youngest is just six, and I hate that I’ll be stuck struggling to raise children for the rest of my life. This isn’t the future I planned out.
“She’s my good luck charm” — Kunle*, 44
I’ve been married for 12 years, and I’d make the same decision again without hesitation.
Before meeting my wife, I was a wild man, carefree and without much direction. In 2013, when we bumped into each other at a park while travelling, something clicked. We exchanged numbers, and from that first conversation, we just vibed naturally.
Since then, I’ve had to step up in ways I never imagined. She helped me transition from being reckless to becoming responsible. I love that she sits me down to ask about my plans and goals, almost like an accountability partner. Slowly, my business has turned around for the better. I’m grateful that she pushed me to think long-term, build stability, and stay consistent.
Meeting her was the right choice, and marrying her remains one of the best decisions of my life.
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