Jealousy is a normal part of human experience, but it often takes on a sharper edge in friendships. These Nigerians share how envy crept into their strongest bonds and soured relationships they once trusted.
“She lied about being abroad just to compete with me” — Blessing*, 39
I had a close friend at work, Rukky*. We were on the same team and about the same age, so our friendship felt natural. The company we worked at downsized after the COVID-19 pandemic, and she lost her job. I was devastated for her, but we stayed close. I checked in regularly, bought her small things, and supported her.
Meanwhile, my career was moving forward. I got promoted and was even sent abroad for assignments. Because she was my closest friend, I shared all my progress with her. Over time, I noticed her reactions were off. She was never as happy as I expected. Once, when I was selected for a six-month training abroad, she insinuated I was selfish for leaving my daughter behind instead of congratulating me.
I brushed it off as genuine concern, but her envy became clearer in 2022 when I had another baby. I delivered in the US while she was also pregnant. A few months after my return, she claimed she had travelled to the US to deliver, but she never left Nigeria. I found out when my brother bumped into her at a pepper soup joint here in Abuja. Earlier that day, she texted me about adjusting to the weather abroad. She begged him not to tell me, so I never confronted her. It shocked me that she went that far to keep up appearances.
Rukky’s behaviour only grew stranger. She would send me pictures of expensive clothes and jewellery she bought, but whenever I shared my wins, she picked apart the costs. The final straw came last year when I got promoted to a senior role. Everyone congratulated me except her. She read the message and said nothing. When I asked, she claimed she’d forgotten. That was the moment I knew the friendship had turned toxic. I let it go for my peace of mind.
“He badmouthed me to his wife after our phone call” — Samuel*, 73
Before my retirement in 2021, I had been a lecturer. Soon after, I reconnected with Collins*, another lecturer I’d known through our fellowship. We had not been very close, but since we lived in a small town and joined several community groups together, we became friends.
Whenever I mentioned my children’s achievements, Collins quickly tried to match up with his own stories, almost like we were competing. His children had not achieved the same level of success, and because mine were all girls, he sometimes used that to talk down on them. It made me uncomfortable, so I learned not to share too much with him.
One evening in 2023, I called to check on him after noticing he had been absent from some of our meetings. It was a short call, but neither of us remembered to end the call. Then I heard him talking to his wife, and to my shock, he was talking about me.
He said I always bragged when I had nothing, questioned my qualifications, and even claimed I sold exam expos to students. He even suggested I cheated my way into my professorial appointment by paying someone to do my academic work.
I stayed silent and listened for a while before ending the call. At our next fellowship meeting, I confronted him openly. He was shaken but denied everything. Of course, that was the end of our friendship. We often run into each other, but I pretend not to know him.
“The secret I shared with her ruined my relationship” — Amara*, 44
Lilian* was my childhood friend. We grew up together in the same church and were close. So I confided in her when I started dating David*. David was more of a family friend to Lilian. He was schooled in the UK and showed interest in me when he briefly returned to Nigeria in 2004. We bonded and stayed in touch even when he returned to the UK.
Lilian appeared happy for me, but whenever David came up in our conversations, she made subtle comments suggesting he was not good for me. Regardless, I continued with the relationship.
Around the time, I was also managing health issues. I had fibroids and a hormonal imbalance. Doctors assured me it would not affect my chances of having children, but back then, there was little awareness about women’s health. I kept it private and trusted only Lilian with the information. Sometimes, she even accompanied me to the hospital, so I believed she understood.
In late 2005, David suddenly cut me off. He stopped taking my calls and never replied to my texts. It broke me because we had already been discussing marriage. Around the same time, his mother, who had once been warm toward me, suddenly became cold. I could not understand what had changed.
It was not until 2007 that I found out what had happened. A male member of our church told me Lilian had gone to David’s mother and twisted my health issues into a story that I came from a barren family. He only discovered this because she repeated the same rumour to him when he showed interest in my younger sister.
The most painful part was realising that after my breakup, she had tried to get close to David herself. Thankfully, he was not interested. Our friendship was already fading by then, so I never confronted her.
Today, my life proves that she was wrong. I have children;so does my sister. But I will never forget that betrayal, and how the friend I trusted most ruined my relationship.
“He said it was good something bad finally happened to me” — Gafar*, 26
I come from a well-to-do family, and while that has helped me, I have always worked hard to stand on my own. Since I moved to Lagos last year, I have shared a flat with Jamal*, who quickly became a friend. I didn’t realise our different backgrounds would become a problem.
Whenever we were around people, he commented, “Some of us have to hustle, unlike Gafar, who has everything easy.”
I ignored it at first, but it kept happening. I was also into crypto and often shared updates with him. But he only told me whenever he had information after he’d cashed out. He joked that I didn’t need the money if I asked why.
Earlier this year, I put all my funds into a clothing business and got scammed by my supplier. It cost me millions of naira. I was devastated. That night, Jamal and I drank together, and I poured out my feelings. His response shocked me. Instead of consoling me, he said, “At least let something bad happen to you for once.” He even added that life had always been too easy for me, and this scam was just reality catching up.
In that moment, I realised he’d been jealous all along. We still live together, but I keep him at arm’s length and no longer share my successes or personal wins with him.
“She accused me of stealing from her” — Dara*, 23
In my second year of university, I became friends with Destiny*, a coursemate who moved into my hostel. We had a good dynamic until I noticed a pattern: She constantly commented on my slim figure, telling me how my clothes did not fit, only to later copy my style. If I bought a skirt, she would say it did not suit me, then buy the same one.
Still, I trusted her enough to gossip with her and tell her my secrets. Over time, I heard the things I’d told her repeated elsewhere. That strained our friendship, but the final blow came in our final year when she spread rumours of me stealing her power bank. We had identical models, so the accusation seemed plausible.
When I heard, I went to confront her, and it turned physical. I admit I lost my temper and beat her up. I was able to clear my name, but after that incident, there was no repairing the friendship.
Looking back, the warning signs had been there from the beginning. I regret that it ended in a fight, but I do not regret walking away.
*Names have been changed for anonymity
Read Next: I Reconnected With a Childhood Friend. He Betrayed Me in the Worst Way
