The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
How long have you been with your partner?
It’s been almost a year. Precious and I started dating in December last year.
How did you meet?
Precious is friends with my cousin, and I first saw her picture on my cousin’s WhatsApp status. It was my cousin’s caption that drew my attention. She’d posted Precious to wish her a happy birthday and wrote so much about how kind, generous, caring and loving Precious had been to her.
I remember thinking, “See fine girl with all the character traits I want in a wife. Complete package.” So, I asked my cousin to get her account number so I could send something small for data.
Account number, not phone number?
I knew “account number” was the fastest way to get her attention. I doubt women still pay attention to all those “My uncle asked for your number” levels.
My cousin sent the account number, and I sent ₦20k. I didn’t expect Precious to actually call to thank me. I thought she’d reach out on WhatsApp to say thank you. At worst, she’d ignore the alert because ₦20k is small for big babes these days. Now that I think about it, I might have sent the money as a test to confirm her kind of person.
I was pleasantly surprised when she called. We started talking regularly from that day. Her birthday was in November, and we started dating a few weeks later in December. Left to me, we’d have started dating immediately, but she didn’t want to rush. She said we should be friends first. In my mind, I was like, “Friends, as how? When I’ve already planned the number of our children.”
Skrim
I knew she was the one, so I didn’t give her breathing space. I made sure to call every day and send her all those romantic text messages women like. I also paid to change her phone screen and charger because they were giving her issues. I think both cost me close to ₦70k.
Anyway, she eventually said yes when she saw how seriously I was on her case.
A finished man
Abi. At the start, our relationship was mostly long-distance because Precious was in her final year and her university was in Osun. However, she travelled down to Lagos to see her parents once or twice every two months, so we used that opportunity to see each other.
How did these visits usually go?
We’d hang out at my place or go on dates whenever she was around. She likes restaurants a lot, and each date typically cost me nothing less than ₦30k.
In the first few months of our relationship, Precious was a full-time student, so she didn’t have any income. This automatically meant I had to pay for everything when we went out. I’d also send her money occasionally for data or just to buy something for herself in school, usually ₦20k – ₦30k.
She graduated early this year, so we now see each other more regularly. The disadvantage is that relationship expenses have also increased because we go out more, and I always pay. I actually thought the expenses would reduce after she got a ₦80k/month virtual assistant job around July to have some money as she prepares for NYSC. Instead, I’m seeing another side of her.
What side?
Precious doesn’t know how to manage money. She also tends to spend impulsively. She can receive her salary today, and by next week, she’s complaining about how fast her money disappeared.
When I try to trace what she spent on, it’s usually food. She’s the type of person who wants to order expensive food on salary day to spoil herself for no reason. She works from home and has no bills because she lives with her parents. I pay for data, and we use the same Netflix. I sell beauty products, so I supply her with everything she might need. There’s no reason she should finish ₦80k in less than two weeks.
I’m worried because I plan for us to get married by the end of this year. She ticks all my boxes, but that money part is a concern for me. I’m a businessman, and there will be times when business won’t go well. I need a wife who can manage resources well.
Hmm. Have you discussed this with her?
I’ve told her a few times that she needs to plan her finances better, but her excuse is that ₦80k is too small to manage. I’d have agreed with that if she had responsibilities. ₦80k is chicken change in this economy, truly, but she should be able to do better.
I still plan to give her the benefit of the doubt, though. I’ve considered putting her on a monthly allowance to see how she spends, but Instagram banned one of my major pages two months ago, and business has been slow. My beauty products business used to bring me ₦700k in a bad month. Now, I average ₦300k – ₦500k. I don’t have the freedom for extra expenses.
Right now, it looks like I’ll have to push the wedding forward to keep observing her attitude with money. She didn’t know I was considering a wedding this year before, so nothing spoil.
What if, after more “observation,” you don’t see a positive change?
Hmm. I might have to end the relationship or seek advice from senior friends. I’m only considering seeking advice because of how much I love her. I ordinarily wouldn’t consider letting go of such a major issue. I’ve seen and heard a lot about marriage, and I know that the worst thing a man can do is marry a woman who doesn’t know how to manage or understand.
I’m not saying she has to deliberately marry a poor man to prove she can manage. No woman wants to suffer. But anything can happen in this life. I’m comfortable now, but if I’m broke in the future, I shouldn’t be scared that my wife will make my life a living hell.
I guess that’s fair. You mentioned your relationship expenses have doubled. What does that budget look like these days?
We visit restaurants at least once a month, usually costing ₦50k – ₦80k. I pay ₦18k monthly for her data.
Then there’s the random money here and there for hair or something she likes. I don’t have a budget for that one because it can be as little as ₦30k or as high as ₦200k. It just depends on what she asks for and whether I have the money to attend to the need at that time.
Do you have a financial safety net?
I don’t save money in the bank. Everything goes back to my business. I can get spending money, but I don’t keep money in my account to save it. It pays me to put it in the business and make my profit.
See, this is why I want a woman who can manage. At least, as I’m giving her money here and there, she’s secretly saving some as emergency funds. So, if I come and say, “Babe. E don red o,” she’ll just bring out money to save me. Even if it’s to borrow me.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
It’s still the same as what I said. Let me go out and hustle and risk my money for profit, while having the peace of mind that my wife is making better financial decisions.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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