Cheating is usually a dealbreaker, but for some people, walking away wasn’t the option they chose. Instead, they stayed, sometimes out of love or hidden intentions, and sometimes because they just didn’t care enough to fight.
Here’s what five Nigerians told us about why they ignored their partner’s cheating.
“It was fair game, I also cheated” — Abraham*, 29
Abraham’s suspicion started during NYSC. But when he finally found proof, he chose silence over confrontation.
“I first suspected my babe was cheating during NYSC. She was posted to the same state as my cousin, and I even tried to get him to check on her sometimes, but he didn’t want to get involved. Meanwhile, she’d miss my calls often, and whenever I managed to get through, I’d hear strange voices in the background. She swore nothing was happening, but I knew something was off.
She eventually moved back to Lagos after NYSC and moved into my place. She seemed genuine and caring, but I couldn’t shake the feeling. It took a long time before I finally got access to her phone, and everything I suspected was there; she’d been cheating.
I didn’t confront her because while she was away, I also cheated. I figured it was fair game. She did her thing, I did mine. At that point, raising it would’ve felt hypocritical. We just continued like nothing happened.”
“Every man cheats, I just choose peace of mind” — Doyin*, 27
For Doyin, her boyfriend’s infidelity isn’t a surprise. It’s the price she believes comes with dating men, especially one in the entertainment industry.
“I knew my boyfriend was cheating, but I never stressed about it. I’m not delusional about men; I honestly believe every man cheats. For me, what matters is respect and safety. As long as he doesn’t disrespect me openly or put my health at risk, I can live with it.
He works in the entertainment industry, and I knew what I was signing up for when I decided to date him. Women throw themselves at men in his line of work, so why would I waste energy trying to fight that? We go for routine check-ups, and as long as the results come back clean, I don’t see the point in giving myself unnecessary headaches.
For me, it’s not about pretending he’s faithful. It’s about deciding what I can live with and choosing peace over constant suspicion.”
“I’d rather ignore it than lose her” — Timmy*, 23
Timmy has always known his 28-year-old girlfriend is way out of his league, and that insecurity shapes how he handles her infidelity.
“She’s the kind of babe people stop to look at when she walks into a room. She’s fine AF, stylish, and five years older. Sometimes I think she’s dating me out of pity. I can’t afford half the things she wants or the lifestyle I’d love to give her. That’s where most of my insecurity comes from.
I first confronted her because of a guy I saw her texting. I worked up the courage to ask, and it blew up into a huge fight. She flipped it on me, got angry and even threatened to leave. That night, I couldn’t sleep. The thought of losing her made my chest feel like it was on fire. I kept asking myself, would I rather fight for my pride or keep this relationship? In the end, I chose her.
Since then, I’ve stopped confronting her. I know she cheats — sometimes the signs are too obvious to ignore — but I also know she loves me in her own way. She cooks for me, buys me gifts when she can, and shows me off to her friends. It’s a strange balance; the same woman who breaks my trust also makes me feel like I’m her person.
My self-esteem takes a hit, I won’t lie. There are days I feel like a fool, like I’m enduring what I shouldn’t just because I don’t want to be alone. But the truth is, she crosses everything I want in a woman. And as much as it hurts, I’d rather look away and keep her than risk another confrontation that might drive her away for good. Crazy thing is, I’ve considered revenge, but I’m not even as interested in any other person.”
“Her cheating felt like she was hustling for us” — Kunle*, 30
Kunle* didn’t set out to ignore his girlfriend’s cheating. But when he pieced together who the other man was, and what it meant for their lifestyle, his anger turned into something else entirely.
“At first, I couldn’t understand it. Out of nowhere, our quality of life just changed. She was shopping for me, buying me sneakers and shirts I couldn’t have imagined affording on my own, and randomly sending me money. Even suggesting we move to a place on the Island. I honestly thought it was her job paying more until a friend hinted otherwise. He told me he’d seen her at a hotel in Abuja with a politician he sometimes linked girls to.
It hurt for a moment knowing she was with someone else. But then I thought about everything she’d done for me. She never made me feel less of a man, even when I couldn’t afford much. She ensured I ate, dressed, and looked like I belonged. I realised I wasn’t mad. If anything, it almost felt like she was hustling to take care of us.
I haven’t said a word to her. I don’t think I ever will. Thanks to her, I’ve already saved almost 60% of the money I need for a car. I know people will judge me, but I see it as both of us benefiting. She gets what she wants from him, and I can live better with her. Maybe it’s twisted, but it works for now. Until it doesn’t, I’ll keep unlooking.”
“His cheating gave me freedom I didn’t know I needed” — Amara*, 33
Not every spouse ignores cheating out of fear. For Amara, her husband’s infidelity opened an unexpected door.
“When I found out my husband was cheating, I didn’t even feel hurt; I felt relief. Before then, he was controlling to the point of suffocation. Constantly checking where I went, who I spoke to, and what I wore. There was also the sex part, which I didn’t like at all. He always wanted it and turned the house upside down when I didn’t give him when and how he wanted. But after he started his affair, it was like a switch flipped. Suddenly, he didn’t care where I was. He stopped monitoring me and, most importantly, stayed away from me in bed.
Of course, I knew what was happening. I saw the receipts and the way he disappeared every weekend without explanation. But instead of fighting, I used the freedom. I started doing things I’d always wanted. I started going out with my friends again. I even grew my small business because he was too distracted to interfere.
People expect me to be broken, but I feel more like myself than I have in years. Do I wish for a faithful marriage? Sure, who doesn’t? But right now, I like that I’m not the one dealing with his excesses.”
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.
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