At 25, Osaz’s* dating history has been a rollercoaster of highs and lows, from a teenage romance to a difficult trauma bond and the lingering memory of the one who got away. These experiences reshaped not just how he sees relationships but also how he views himself. They’ve made him more cautious but also wiser about what he truly wants.
What’s your current relationship status, and how do you feel about it?
I’m single right now. It’s been a mix of wanting love but keeping my guard up. For the longest time, commitment felt like too much to handle.
Walk me through your dating life. How did you get here?
My very first relationship was in secondary school when I was about 15. We were kids, so it was mostly happy with a few silly fights. Things changed when she moved to another state. She was also ahead of me in school and soon got into university. Naturally, she moved on, and our communication died. I don’t blame her; I actually did the same thing in my next relationship.
God abeg. Tell me about that one.
In 2017, during my gap year before university, I met Dara* at my A-levels tutorial. She was sweet, outspoken, and bubbly. We dated for about a year, and it was a good relationship until I got into school. I was distracted by the people in my new environment, and started flirting with other girls. I ended things within three months because I felt guilty. She was hurt but appreciated my honesty.
I bet. What happened after?
For the first two years of uni, nothing serious. I just had some flings. I’d talk to girls, and I’d back out the moment it started to get serious. It wasn’t that I didn’t like them; I just wanted fun without the burden of commitment. I cared about these girls, but not enough to build a relationship. That eventually changed.
How so?
During the COVID year, I lost a close friend to a car crash shortly before lockdown, and it really messed with me. I withdrew from everyone, even girls, and turned to writing as a way to cope. That’s how I met Angel*.
She reached out in April 2020 after reading something I’d posted in a group chat. She related to it, and we started talking. Looking back, I think we trauma-bonded. She had also lost someone and was going through family issues. We leaned on each other heavily, and it felt natural to fall into a relationship.
What was that relationship like?
Unhealthy. At first, it felt good, but soon I wasn’t sure if we actually liked each other or were just using each other for support. I tried to point this out, but she insisted she loved me. So I decided to put in more effort by calling often, sending love texts, and being more expressive. Soon after, she changed her mind, accused me of love-bombing, and ended the relationship.
Even after the breakup, she’d pop in to “check up” on me, we’d slip back into old patterns, and then she’d ghost again. The cycle dragged on for months until I finally blocked her. It took me another year to fully get over her. By then, I was more wary of commitments and went back to casual flings until I met Mimi*.
Tell me about Mimi.
We met through a mutual friend early in 2022. She saw my picture on their status, asked about me, and we exchanged numbers. Mimi and I bonded over our love for music and other similar tastes. She was very attractive, and even though it started as a fling, I caught real feelings. She felt the same way, too. I enjoyed that we could go on long walks and just talk.
But shortly after we started to build our bond, our university went on strike. We lived in different cities and spent the entire time apart. Unfortunately, my phone got faulty around the same time. I couldn’t replace it for almost four months, and our communication tanked. She felt I ghosted her.
Did you explain what happened?
Yes. I tried to keep in touch with a friend’s phone at first, but it wasn’t the same. We went from talking every day to once a week, then barely twice a month. It was frustrating, but it was beyond my control. When I finally got a new phone, I apologised. She forgave me, but things weren’t the same.
Back on campus, she grew distant. I introduced her to my friends, but she had no boundaries. She flirted with them constantly and even ended up texting one of them. I told her how I felt, but she didn’t stop. The final straw was one night when I texted that I wanted to visit. She told me not to come because she was with another guy, and said it in a way that felt spiteful. That’s when I knew she was done, and so was I.
That must have hurt. Did you meet anyone new afterwards?
Yes, but it was short-lived. One night in June of 2023, while waiting for a shawarma order, I met this girl who sat nearby and teased me about watching “Merlin” in 2023. She had this bright, funny energy, and we just clicked. We talked for hours, even after our orders were ready. It felt like we’d known each other for years.
I planned to walk her home and ask for her number, but her friends showed up and whisked her away. I never saw her again. I regretted not asking sooner, and for a while, I romanticised the “what ifs.” I graduated a few months later; that was the last time I felt that spark for someone.
Why do you think it’s so hard to find love these days?
I also speak to myself when I say that most young people aren’t clear about what they want and have normalised casual relationships. Add trust issues to that, and it’s hard to build anything with real meaning.
Fair enough. Do you think these experiences have altered your idea of love?
I’ve realised love is never enough. Effort, trust, and communication matter just as much. I’ve also had to face my own flaws. For a long time, I thought girls just broke my heart, but with time, I saw how I’d played my own part too. My experiences have made me more intentional about how I treat women.
So, how would you say the streets are treating you? Rate it on a scale of 1-10
I’d say a 7. Most days, it feels good not being accountable to anyone. Between work and keeping to myself, I barely have the time for anything else anyway.
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