The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
How long have you been with your partner?
Deola and I have lived together since 2020.
How did you meet?
She was learning sewing work with a tailor near my workshop. I noticed she wasn’t like the other girls there, who used to joke carelessly with men in the area. In fact, one of the other mechanics in my workshop always complained that Deola never answered him, even though he tried different styles to “toast” her.
She was just quiet, and that character made her fine in my eyes. So, I started to pursue her too.
But she was notorious for ignoring everyone. What made you sure she’d say yes?
I wasn’t sure o. But those other men just wanted to sleep with her, and I think women know when men only want that. Me, I wanted her to be my woman, not just a one-time thing. Instead of telling her straight that I liked her, I started by being friendly and buying her food.
An amala seller used to hawk amala in our area, and whenever she came, I’d ask Deola if she’d eaten. Sometimes, she’d say, “Yes,” because she didn’t want me to buy her food. But most times, she’d let me buy it. The food wasn’t cost sef — around ₦500 – ₦700 per plate. Small small, we started talking and that’s how we started seeing each other.
When did you start living together?
The lockdown happened a few weeks after we started seeing each other, but Deola didn’t have transport money to return to her parents’ house in a different state. She also had no family in Ibadan and didn’t want to live with her oga anymore. The oga was like a family friend, so Deola’s parents sent her to live there and learn tailoring work. But the oga was also giving her housemaid work and beating her anyhow.
So, when COVID came, I just told Deola to come and stay with me in my room and parlour. I would’ve given her money to travel, but I was also broke that period. We thought she’d just stay for some time while I gathered money to help her continue learning tailoring with someone else.
But even after I gave her ₦50k to start learning with another tailor later in the year, she still stayed back. It didn’t make sense for her to be looking for friends to live with again. Also, she was pregnant.
Oh.
Yes. So, we’ve just stayed together since then. We now have two children, and Deola has her own tailor shop.
So, you’re married?
We’ve not done wedding sha, but everybody knows she’s my wife and I’m her husband. Her parents also know me, and she’s the mother of my children. Wedding is long story, and I think it’s just a waste of money. It’s not until we buy clothes and feed people before we’ll accept that we’re married.
Right. Does Deola share the same sentiment?
She still wants to do a wedding, but that’s not my priority now. I’ll be the one to pay for it, abi? Maybe if I ever get plenty money in the future, I can consider it. But I still don’t think it’s necessary.
How do you both run your home’s finances?
My work is not always sure. Today, I can make ₦15k from one car, but tomorrow can come and I’ll not see anybody. So, I drop money for food every week. Sometimes ₦8k or ₦10k, and Deola will add her own money if it’s not enough.
We moved to a bigger one-bedroom apartment last year, and I pay the ₦250k/year rent. I do a ₦20k monthly ajo contribution to pay for that. I also pay the ₦50k/year rent for Deola’s shop and other small small bills at home.
My first child is in school, but let me tell you the truth, I don’t even know how much school fees are. I just drop like ₦10k or ₦15k every time Deola starts asking me for school fees. I know she still needs to add her money to complete it.
I’m lucky I have a woman like Deola. She’s always ready to support me. How would I have survived if she was always disturbing me to drop money? Sometimes she just buys things that we need at home without asking me.
What kind of money conversations do you both have?
When we talk about money, it’s usually about needs concerning the house or our children. Deola asks me for money too, usually to send to her parents or siblings, or to buy things in her shop. It’s not every time she asks, but when she does, I try my best to give her because I know she would’ve spent her own money first.
She also usually borrows me money to pay my monthly ajo when I’m broke. I try to pay back when I have money but it’s not all the time I do that. The economy is hard; there’s no money anywhere.
She doesn’t mind when you don’t pay back?
She complains, but I just use open eye to change the subject. Her complaints are usually about how the money is from her shop, and she needs to return it. I defend myself by pointing out that I pay her rent and pay for everything else. If I can’t borrow money from her once in a while, who should?
Sometimes, this borrowing money matter leads to fights, but after a few days, Deola does her best to make sure we start talking again. She’s usually the right one o. I know I should pay her back, but what will I do if there’s no money? If I don’t do the ajo, we won’t have money to pay rent.
How do you handle budgeting for romance and gifts in your relationship?
Ah. There’s no space for that one o. Let us even see money to eat and do important things first. Sometimes, if money is plenty in my hand, I can give her money to do her hair or buy shawarma. That one doesn’t pass ₦10k like once a month or once in two months.
Besides the ajo, do you both have other safety nets?
No. But I plan to rent an okada later in the year to make extra money whenever I don’t have customers like that in the workshop. I don’t need to gather money for that. I’ll just give the okada owner a percentage of whatever I make weekly.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
It’ll be nice to become landlords in the future. At least we can make money from renting out rooms to tenants.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
NEXT READ: The Married Project Manager Handling 70% of the Bills on a ₦450k Salary
