Marriage is supposed to draw a clear boundary. Once someone says “I do”, everyone else is meant to back off. But real life doesn’t always work like that. Sometimes, attraction doesn’t read the room; at other times, curiosity tempts people to places they swore they’d never go.
For these five Nigerian men, the line between “innocent connection” and “full-blown affair” with partnered people got blurry. Here’s what they had to say.
“Her husband asked if I wanted to die young” — Kayode*, 29
For Kayode, it wasn’t even about romance. It was about the lifestyle — the owambes, the Range Rover rides, and the kind of access that felt like a cheat code into Lagos’s high society. But one unexpected phone call reminded him of the risk.
“I met this Alhaja at an owambe late last year. She was older, probably in her late 40s or early 50s. We were seated at the same table, and she didn’t even look like someone with money. When the party ended, she asked if I had a ride. I said no, and she offered to drop me off since we lived along the same route. That was when I saw the Range Rover and chastised myself for judging by looks.
On the ride, she opened up about her life. Married to a polygamous man, barely had her time, felt neglected. I gave her my number, and honestly, I thought I’d bagged a sugar mummy. Over the next four months, she invited me to high-class owambes every weekend. She picked me up, dropped me off, and introduced me to influential people. She gave me gifts, and it was like I was her sugarboy in those spaces. She never asked for anything sexual, but I could feel the eyes of people around us. Everyone assumed what we had was more than friendship.
Then one day, my phone rang. It was her husband. He didn’t shout, didn’t curse. He just asked me one chilling question: ‘Do you want to die young?’ My chest tightened instantly. That was all I needed to hear. I started dodging her calls and messages until she got the signal. Looking back, I enjoyed the attention and the soft life, but that one phone call reminded me that no connection is worth risking my life.”
“I thought a naughty selfie was harmless, until HR Got involved” — Dami*, 27
Sometimes, office husband and wife jokes remain harmless banter. Other times, they spill into dangerous territory. Dami found out the hard way that one careless decision could cost him a friendship and his job.
“I had this colleague that everyone used to call my office wife at work. She was married, but the way we clicked was different. I guess it was because she was only four years older than me. We bought each other lunch, shared inside jokes, and always had each other’s backs. People thought it was just an office thing, but it wasn’t. We still called each other after work, checked in on weekends, and the bond felt real. Even her husband knew me; he’d called me a couple of times when he couldn’t reach her. He’s in his mid-40s, and I’m sure he never saw me as a threat.
One night, I did something stupid. I sent her a picture of myself in boxers, bulge and all. I only left it up for three minutes before deleting it, but I knew she’d seen it. I apologised quickly and told her it was a mistake. She just replied, ‘No problem.’ In my head, I thought that meant green light. Maybe she was open to taking things further.
The next morning at work, reality hit me. She had already reported me to HR. I still remember the shame of sitting there, begging them not to escalate it further. In that moment, I realised I’d destroyed something good. What we had was friendship — pure and simple — and I ruined it by crossing a line I had no business crossing. Till today, I still feel like a fool for thinking she wanted the same thing.
“I don’t know if she knew I was peeping, but that day changed everything” — IBK*, 27
For IBK, it started with neighbourly kindness: food, favours, a helping hand with the gen. But one afternoon in his neighbour’s bathroom changed everything, leaving him with a memory he still can’t shake.
“I lived in a compound in Ibadan during 2019, and one of my neighbours was a married woman with two kids in her mid 30s. Her husband had relocated abroad just before COVID, but because of visa wahala, he couldn’t take his family along.
At first, I just saw her as an aunty. She was always kind to me, giving me food and offering small favours here and there. I repaid her kindness by helping her pull the gen, change bulbs, and do small handyman things her husband would’ve done.
Then, one day, we were talking, and she mentioned her age. I swear, that single detail messed with my head. She didn’t look her age, and the more I thought about it, the more I started seeing her differently. Suddenly, she wasn’t just “my neighbour’s wife.” She was this attractive, lonely woman who didn’t look like she had two kids.
One afternoon, she called me to help fix something. When I entered, she was in the bathroom, the door slightly open. The weird thing is, she knew I was coming. I stood there, frozen, peeping for a few seconds before I left. Later that night, I pleasured myself at the thought.
That day scared me. I didn’t know if she left the door open deliberately or if I just made it what it wasn’t. But I felt dirty. Since then, I started keeping my distance. Even now, I still replay that day in my head and wonder if things could have gone further. A part of me wishes I’d never moved into that house.
“She used me for three weeks in camp and dumped me on the last day” — Ade*, 26
Ade thought he had found someone who matched his freak at the NYSC orientation camp. But he had no idea he was the pawn in his own game.
“During NYSC orientation camp, I met this gorgeous 28-year-old babe. I was 22, still fresh, and she was like everything a guy could want: bubbly, confident, sexy. From the first week, she was all over me.
We never had sex, but we did everything else. Makeout sessions in maami market, sneaking into the back of hostels at night, kissing until my lips went sore. She was always game for my wild ideas, and I felt like I’d found the craziest, most adventurous babe ever.
Then camp ended. I was feeling emotional, thinking we’d start something serious. That morning, I saw her dragging her boxes towards an SUV. I called out, expecting to meet her father. The man waiting was older, maybe in his late 40s. She ignored me, waved briefly, and hopped into the car. That night, she texted: “Please forget everything that happened. I’m married.”
I felt dirty. Like, how do you throw that bombshell after everything? I hated myself for even touching her. Marriage is sacred. I couldn’t believe I let myself be part of destroying one. I’ve promised myself never to play with fire like that again.”
ALSO READ: 5 Nigerians On Why They Ended Affairs with Married People
“I didn’t feel guilty because she could’ve been my wife” — Faith*, 28
For Faith, returning to his ex after marriage didn’t feel like crossing a line at first. He saw it as unfinished business, maybe even fate — especially since her marriage wasn’t built on love. But reality came crashing down when the one thing neither of them planned for happened.
“I was still sleeping with my ex after she got married. Honestly, I didn’t feel bad because the truth is, if circumstances were different, she could’ve been my wife. She married her husband for money, not love. The guy is a yahoo boy, always cheating, drinking, sometimes even travelling for weeks and leaving her behind. She told me she was tired of the marriage, and I believed her.
At first, we just linked up to talk. She would vent about how lonely she was and didn’t even enjoy her husband’s company. But somehow, we ended up back in bed together. It felt natural, like picking up from where we left off. She didn’t see it as cheating either because, in her words, ‘my husband isn’t faithful, so why should I feel guilty?’
It went on like that for about a year. It was coded; no one around us suspected anything. And because she was still my ex, it didn’t feel like I was sneaking around with a stranger’s wife. We knew each other’s bodies, and our history was still there. Honestly, the comfort made me blind to how wrong it was.
Then one day, she called me, sounding scared. She said she was pregnant and was sure I was the father. That single call brought me back to my senses. My brain started calculating: what if it’s true? What if this child comes into the world and I’m exposed for sleeping with someone else’s wife? Everything suddenly looked messy.
I denied the pregnancy, of course, and she didn’t argue or push. We just stopped seeing each other after that. A part of me still wonders if she used the pregnancy scare as a way to cut things off without drama. But till today, I know I crossed a line. Not only was I sleeping with someone’s wife, but I was comfortable with it because I told myself ‘she could’ve been mine.’ That’s the part that really makes me feel like a fool.”
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.
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