In Nigeria, curvy women don’t just deal with body image; they deal with being sexualised even before they understand what that means. From lingering stares on the streets to whispers in public spaces, they’re constantly made to feel like their bodies are public property.
These five Nigerian women have been through it all. They share what life looks like as curvy women, how they navigate safety and how they manage to show up with their heads held up high.
“I always got unwanted attention from men, even if I wore the same thing as everyone else” — Tomisin* (26)
Tomisin shares how, once her body started developing, adults began singling her out for lectures on “decency”.
“I’ve always gotten unwanted attention from men, both young and old, because of my body. It didn’t matter if I wore the same clothes as everyone else; I was always pulled aside for a lecture on “decency” and how I needed to watch myself. It still happens even now that I’m an adult.
I remember being 13, just hitting puberty; my hips were getting wider, and I was growing bigger. One day, my aunt just started shouting at me and accusing me of having sex because of how my body looked. It didn’t make any sense, I was literally just a child.
She also hated seeing me in trousers and eventually banned them. She replaced them with long, ugly skirts I absolutely hated.
It’s so crazy to me that even the people who were supposed to be my safe space made me feel so bad about my body.”
“I always felt like I was being punished for being curvier” — Khefee* (25)
Khefee shares the shock of her rapidly growing body and experiencing unwanted and inappropriate attention.
“I’ve always had a big bum, but my breasts didn’t come in until I was 15. And when they did, it was crazy.
I still remember an incident from when I was 19. I went to pick up my cousins from secondary school in a long maxi skirt and tank top with a jacket. The boys started shouting and running out of their classrooms to look at me. It got so bad, security had to escort me out. That experience, amongst others, made me feel conscious of my body.
I always felt I was being punished for being curvier. Men pretended not to know I was a teenager, even when I wore my school uniform. If another girl and I wore the same thing, I’d be the one accused of ‘enticing’ men or leading people astray. Meanwhile, I just wanted to mind my business.
I don’t really “deal” with it, I just space out. I see the way people ogle me when I walk on the road or wear what I like, and I no longer care. I’m sexy and it’s not my fault. ”
“It’s like men are only interested in trying to sleep with me” — Esther* (29)
When Esther’s body changed in JSS3, the way people related to her changed too.. She shares how she doesn’t trust men’s intentions anymore.
“Life was different for me before second term in JSS3. I didn’t have curves, and everything felt normal. But once my hips and waist started developing, people started treating me differently, especially the men.
I stopped trusting them because I realised they only wanted to have sex. They obsessed over my large hips and small waist. I still have fresh memories of an incident from 2019. I’d just finished my NYSC clearance at Alausa and was waiting at the bus stop. I was all decked out in my khaki, which naturally drew attention from people. Whilst trying to catch a bus, I spotted a black car parked nearby. I got a nudge to peek into the car and was utterly gutted by what I saw—a full-grown man, masturbating and staring intensely at me.
He smiled when he noticed I’d seen him, and I started walking far away until I reached a bus stop closer to my house. That image stayed with me for a long time.
Now, I ignore the harassment as much as I can. I don’t respond to strangers who catcall or try to stop me for a chat on the street. Does it make dating somewhat difficult? Yes. But my peace of mind is more important than meeting new potential partners. ”
“I can’t wear fitted clothes” — Elizabeth*, (27)
Elizabeth shares how she’s had to change the way she dresses to avoid attention, but it barely helps.
“I got my first bra in primary four, which should tell you everything. My mum insisted as a form of protection against the unnecessary stares and comments.
Over time, it’s gotten hard to tell who genuinely wants to be with me, or if they only want sex. I’m so tired of it. Even women want to sleep with me. Just a few weeks ago, someone I thought was a friend kept inviting me to her hotel room. It was weird. I get sexualised everywhere I go, even at work. It’s exhausting. These days, I don’t feel comfortable wearing fitted clothes that show my curves. I go for big, oversized options, but they barely help. The stares come, and then I get asked at work if my dad is a pastor because of how I dress. My hips keep getting bigger, and I just want it to stop. I have enough eyes on me as it is.
The only ways I try to deal with the constant attention are by ignoring it or sticking to modest clothes. It doesn’t reduce the attention, but at least it feels like I’m doing something on my part to stop the stares and advances.”
“I love my body, but I hate being sexualised” — Wemimo*, (24)
Wemimo shares how relentless harassment forced her out of a class she enjoyed in secondary school.
“Growing up curvy was a nightmare. Even on days that I wore baggy outfits that covered everything, it didn’t matter., I was still sexualised. Not even my tomboy phase drove the piercing stares and attention away from my body.
In SS1, I had to leave science class because I was getting molested and harassed by my male classmates. One day, I was waiting in the lab like everyone else, but I was blamed for being there. Pockets of incidents like this happened, but the authorities never acted on my complaints. I always got the shorter end of the stick.
Throughout university, I wore baggy T-shirts and trousers to blend into the background, but that didn’t work either.
Eventually, I gave up trying to hide and started dressing how I wanted. I realised men will sexualise you no matter what you wear.
It’s not any different with romantic relationships. Men get insecure because they know that so many others want me. I’m still learning how to deal with it properly. Ignoring worked at some point, but I know it’s not the perfect solution.
Through it all, I love my body even though it draws attention I don’t appreciate. I hope someday I’m seen for who I am, not how I look.”
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