When Tomiwa* (23) and Toriola* (22) became close friends, she truly thought she had found her forever best friend. Things were great at first, but when they moved in together as flatmates, their friendship began to unravel under the weight of their different personalities and the strain of caring for Toriola’s sisters.
In this story, Tomiwa shares how the distance between her and her best friend grew, and the accusation that changed the nature of their relationship permanently.
This is Tomiwa’s story as told to Betty:
Toriola and I met back when we were in secondary school. I was a year ahead of her, but we weren’t friends at the time. I didn’t like her personality; she was loud, confrontational, and boisterous, while I was more on the cool-headed, introverted side. We also didn’t have much in common back then, so we didn’t click.
Fast forward to university, I had to write JAMB twice, so we ended up getting into the same uni in the same year. We started talking online when we found out, thinking we’d run into each other occasionally. But it turned out we were in the same hostel, and our rooms were almost next door to each other. It was like fate was giving us a second chance to get close, and this time, we did.
Everything between us was great. We cooked together, did laundry together, and stayed up late gisting about everything. I started seeing her not just as a friend, but as family. As our friendship deepened throughout our first year, our mums and families also became close.
In 200 level, things shifted. Toriola and I didn’t want to spend another year in the hostel and planned to get an apartment off-campus. Her family got involved at this point. They already knew me well, so they offered to cover the whole rent of the apartment. Even though my mum offered to pay half, Toriola’s family insisted, and I was happy to accept. Toriola shared that her younger sister would be living with us since our place was close to her school and her family lived in a different state. I didn’t mind. Her sister was like a younger sister to me as well. Plus, her mum paid for the apartment, so it felt like a blessing.
At first, it was calm. Just the three of us. Aside from the normal ways a young child can annoy someone, we didn’t have any serious issues. My main problem was that, because of Toriola’s personality, she could say mean things unconsciously.
For example, in June 2022, I lost a side gig I had as a social media manager, which meant I got a bit broke. Toriola knew this and offered me ₦5,000 to tide me over until I got some more money. I used it to buy toiletries and restock on some things I had run out of. When Toriola found out, she was livid. She angrily asked why I would buy soap and perfume when I knew I didn’t have money. I didn’t like the way she spoke to me, so I took the last of the money I had, sent the ₦5,000 back to her, and left the house to sleep at a mutual friend’s place.
Toriola and I had this thing where, if she offended me, she’d apologise by sending me an email. After I left that day, she sent an email apologising for her tone and promising to treat me more like one of her sisters. She sounded so sincere, so I forgave her, and we made up.
Fast-forward to our next year in school. Another of Toriola’s sisters moved in with us. She had just gained admission into our university, so she was finding her feet. I didn’t think it would be an issue, but their move put a big strain on our relationship. Toriola’s younger sisters were very messy people. They left their dirty shoes and plates strewn about the apartment.
It was annoying, but I ignored it and cleaned up as much as I could. The bigger issue was that they had no sense of boundaries. I would be going about my day in school and see her younger sister wearing my clothes or my shoes without permission. I tried to bring this up with Toriola, but her response left much to be desired. She said I was overreacting and shouldn’t complain about cleaning up after her sisters because, according to her, “It wouldn’t cost me anything to do so.”
It was like she didn’t want to help me get them in line at all. She seemed irritable every time I reported her sisters’ behaviour to her. She even suggested that I beat them since I could “see them as my own sisters,” which I thought was insane. I drew the line there. I wasn’t going to shout at someone else’s kids when even their sister wouldn’t, and I told her as much. This strained our relationship, but we tried to maintain our friendship.
Things started getting weird in January 2024 when we resumed for our 300L second semester. I noticed Toriola’s behaviour had changed. She started dating someone new, staying out till late, and lying about what she was doing. I tried to tell her to reduce the late nights because it wasn’t safe and wasn’t setting a good example for her sisters, but she resorted to lying. She would also lie about the cost of things I asked her to buy, like suya or snacks. It was weird.
We had one of our biggest fights that semester when she forced me to sleep outside so her boyfriend could spend the night, even though I begged her that I had nowhere else to go. I ended up sleeping at an acquaintance’s place. She apologised afterwards, and we made up.
But Toriola had also become notorious for picking fights with the gateman and our neighbours. It was getting harder to recognise the girl I had first become friends with. Some of our mutual friends advised me to consider moving back to the hostel, but I refused because I still saw her as family.
The real turning point came when she had a fight with one of her close friends. It involved a guy she liked, and she took his side over her friend’s because she thought her friend was lying. Her friend called me to talk about the fight, and I let her know that Toriola thought she was lying. She started crying, and I tried to comfort her on the phone. I didn’t know that one of Toriola’s sisters had eavesdropped and gone to tell Toriola a warped version of the conversation. She claimed I was backbiting her, that I was jealous of her and her boyfriend, who bought her things. I found the accusations more than a bit odd because I was in a happy relationship at the time and wished her nothing but the best.
I tried to talk to Toriola about it, but she texted, “Please, I don’t want to talk to you right now.” I figured we would talk about that night. Instead, I got a call from her mum that I’ll never forget. She was shouting, calling me a snake, saying I wanted to ruin her daughter’s destiny. She called me ungrateful and said that, after all they had done for me, I was trying to kill her daughter, and worst of all, that I was trying to push her to commit suicide.
I was stunned. Her mum even called my mother to repeat the accusations: that I had evil intentions, that I was a bad influence, and that I had corrupted her daughters. One of Toriola’s sisters sent me a threatening message claiming that she had evidence and would expose me in school. I lived in fear until my mum intervened. She told me to immediately pack all my things and leave the apartment.
The next morning, I woke up early, packed every single thing I owned into two Ghana-Must-Go bags, and left without looking back. After I left, I blocked all of them — Toriola, her sisters, her mother — on everything. WhatsApp, Instagram, and Snapchat. I didn’t want explanations. I didn’t want apologies. I wanted peace.
A few months later, I saw her on campus, and she tried to greet me like nothing had happened. I walked past her like we’d never met. She emailed again that day apologising saying, “I’m sorry it took this long. I’m sorry for everything as a whole and I hope you forgive me.” I saw her a few weeks later and told her I had forgiven her. I unblocked her, thinking maybe we could move on quietly. But then her sister started subbing me online. I was exhausted from their drama, so I blocked them all again, permanently, this time.
That whole experience changed me. It made it difficult to open up to new people. I always have the niggling feeling that they’ll hurt or betray me the way Toriola did. I’m trying not to let it hold me back from experiencing new and better friendships in the future.
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