When Fayo* (22) first met Bolade* (21) in their first year at university, she wondered why someone so fun had so few friends. But over time, what started as a tight bond turned into something toxic, and ultimately, heartbreaking.
In this story, she shares how their friendship slowly unravelled after the moment Bolade chose a party over Fayo’s mental health crisis.
This is Fayo’s story as told to Betty:
I met Bolade in our first semester in school in 2021, and we slowly became friends. By the second semester, we were almost inseparable. We had a lot of things in common, we stayed in the same hostel, and I even tried to introduce her to my own friend group. She didn’t have many friends, and before we got really close, I used to wonder why.
But the reason became clearer to me as our friendship went on. Bolade had a very explosive personality. She could go from 0 to 100 over the smallest things. I remember one exam day in our first year. Bolade and I didn’t go to the venue together or at the same time, but after it ended, she called me, furious that I didn’t pick up her bag. I tried to explain that she didn’t tell me to help her with her bag, but she insulted me and hung up. I was so confused.
Another time, my other friend group hosted a small get-together. Bolade wasn’t really close to them, but she insisted on coming even though I told her she might feel awkward or left out. From the minute she arrived, she barely said a word to anyone else and kept snapping at me when I tried to pull her into the conversation. The next day, she called me and insulted me for “allowing her” to come to the party and not convincing her to stay away.
I have so many examples of the weird things she would pull just to maintain the control she thought she had over me. She tried to extend the same rubbish to my other friends, but they were less accommodating of her excesses than I was.
For example, there was a time when one of my friends got a meal for herself without asking if Bolade wanted any. She didn’t say anything when my friend showed up with her food, but when we got back to my room, she started fuming. When I tried to get Bolade to open up about it, she walked out and slammed the door. I just stood there, stunned.
My friends started warning me about her. They said the way she treated me wasn’t normal or fair, but I didn’t listen. I stayed friends with her till our final year, constantly making excuses for her behaviour. I felt like leaving her would have been the same as abandoning her, and I didn’t want that. She had good traits that, at the time, I felt would overshadow the bad ones.
Then, I had a rough patch with my mental health in my final year. I had a lot of pent-up anxiety, and I ended up in the hospital after a suicide attempt. My other friends had rushed to my side as soon as they heard, but they hadn’t packed anything for me because they didn’t know I’d be staying at the hospital overnight. The doctors insisted on keeping me for a few nights, so I needed clothes to change into. Since Bolade and I were in the same hostel and we were close, my friends called her to help me bring some clothes to the hospital. To our surprise, she refused.
She said she had a party to attend that night at school and couldn’t make it. The party was at 7 p.m. that evening, and the hospital was close to our hostel. We had called her around 5:30 pm, so there was more than enough time for her to bring the clothes and still make it to the party she wanted to attend. My other friends begged her to change her mind. They even suggested calling the school ambulance to bring her to the hospital with the clothes and then dropping her off at the hostel, but she still refused. Her reason? She needed to prep for the party and couldn’t inconvenience herself at all to help me.
She didn’t try to check in on me until 1 a.m. that night, when she sent a flimsy text saying, “Fayo, I heard you were in the hospital. How are you feeling?” When I didn’t reply, she sent me another message insulting me for ignoring her. Meanwhile, she had been posting photos from the party and all the replies she was getting on Snapchat the whole time.
I heard her roommate tried to encourage her to visit me in the hospital, but she refused. Bolade eventually came to the hospital three days later. By then, I’d been moved to the mental health unit. I didn’t want to see her, so I told my friends not to tell her I was still there. Mentally, I was done with the friendship.
After I left the hospital, I started pulling away slowly because I didn’t want Bolade to make a big deal of our dwindling friendship. This meant we weren’t communicating as often as we usually did. During this time, I travelled from Enugu to Lagos for my internship, but I didn’t tell her.
She sent me a voice note, shouting that I didn’t “seek her permission” to travel to Lagos. I was venting about it to the Uber driver taking me somewhere that night, and after I explained everything, he asked, “Are you possessed? Why are you still friends with this girl?”
His response jarred me awake. I couldn’t believe how far I had let things go. I made up my mind to keep my distance and hopefully leave the friendship as quietly as possible.
When I returned to school after the internship, Bolade texted that I hadn’t visited her room yet. I told her I was ill and would come and see her after I felt better. She didn’t take it well and started sending insulting texts. I simply replied, saying that our friendship was over and she shouldn’t reach out to me again.
Since then, she’s messaged me countless times trying to reconcile. She says she misses our friendship, that her other friends have also left her. I hardly respond to those messages. I’ve written my final exams and will be graduating soon. I don’t plan on ever seeing her again, and honestly, if we do bump into each other, it might be awkward for her.
I’m still dealing with the trauma of everything she put me through. But I’ve made peace with my decision to walk away. For the first time in years, I feel free.
*Names have been changed for anonymity.
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