Attraction doesn’t always come with logic. Sometimes, it makes you do things you can’t even explain, like getting involved with someone you can’t imagine introducing to the people who know you best.
We asked six Nigerians about the one time they got intimate with someone who, for whatever reason, they’d never want their family or friends to find out about. Here’s what they told us.
“I slept with a married man in his 50s” — Derin*, 27
It wasn’t about money or love; it was purely physical, a one-time situation that Derin* struggles to explain to herself even now.
“I don’t think anyone who knows me would believe I did it. I barely even believe it happened. I met him at a mutual friend’s birthday dinner, and he looked so good — tall, fine, fresh skin, low-cut peppered with grey. You could tell he wasn’t a small boy, but you also couldn’t tell he was in his 50s.
He had this confidence, the way he spoke and laughed. I just felt myself paying more attention to him than I usually would. After the dinner, we bumped into each other at the bar, started talking and somehow ended up in his hotel room.
The sex was incredible. I couldn’t stop comparing him to my boyfriend. At some point, I forgot he was someone’s husband. I forgot how much older he probably was. The next morning, reality set in. I felt this overwhelming guilt. I blocked him before leaving the hotel and ensured we never spoke again. Thankfully, he respected that.
I didn’t do it for money, and that’s the part that eats at me. I wouldn’t know how to explain if anyone ever found out — especially my friends or family. They’d assume the worst: that I’m a runs girl or that I was looking for something. But it was just a one-night stand. Nothing more.”
“He chewed kolanuts and looked like an uncle, but I still wanted him” — Kelvin*, 32
Kelvin* had a reputation for only moving to men who had a certain edge, but in his final year of uni, his most shameful situationship was with someone who didn’t even fit his taste.
“He was a non-academic staff member at my school. The kind of person everyone roasted — tribal marks, loud chewing of kolanut, and bad English. The guy was mid-late 30s but looked like someone’s annoying uncle.
Then one day, I caught him peeing behind the engineering block and saw how massive he was. I can’t explain what possessed me, but I became obsessed. I started finding excuses to hang around his building, throwing small hints. Eventually, we talked. I asked for his number, and one thing led to another. We met at a hotel the following week.
It was his first queer experience, but you wouldn’t have guessed. He was so good in bed. We hooked up about four or five times, and I never got over the thrill.
The shame didn’t come from the act; I’m out to my close friends. It came from who it was. If anyone on campus had found out, I would’ve been dragged for filth. I used to insult him during student gatherings to keep the attention off me. He wasn’t someone I could ever be seen with. It’s been years, but that whole phase still lives rent-free in my head.”
“I lost my virginity to the most popular sex worker in our neighbourhood” — Tunde*, 29
Tunde* always knew who she was, and people in the neighbourhood did, too. But shame made him bury the memory, and he’s never told any friend or family.
“This lady lived in our area for as long as I could remember. Back when I was in secondary school, people whispered about her constantly because she was into sex work. She was loud, dressed however she wanted, and didn’t hide what she did for a living. During neighbourhood fights, she’d shout things like, ‘Go ask your husband wetin he dey find for my house.’ Nobody could shame her, and honestly, that made her unforgettable.
Fast forward to my second year in uni, I was 21 and still hadn’t had sex. Everyone around me had stories, and the pressure got to me. I came home during the semester break and decided to finally do it with her. One night, I just walked to her house. She opened the door, looked at me for a second and said, ‘Enter.’ If she recognised me from the street, she didn’t say anything. She didn’t ask questions either. She just did what I came for.
That was the night I lost my virginity. She didn’t even smile, and I don’t remember if we made eye contact afterwards. I went back twice, but on the fourth visit, she stopped me at the door and said, ‘You don’t try. No, come again.’ I didn’t understand why, but I nodded and left.
It’s been years, and I still remember clearly. When people joke about paying for sex, I laugh like it’s foreign to me. But deep down, I know I’ve been with an OG sex worker.”
“We got intimate a few times, but I made sure no one could ever suspect” — Seyi*, 27
Seyi* enjoyed months of sneaky hookups with someone he never thought he’d get involved with, not because she wasn’t attractive, but because society told him he should be ashamed of wanting someone like her.
“One of my coursemates in uni was this really cute babe, but she was obese and didn’t fit into the usual beauty standards. I always knew her from afar. She had this big personality and carried herself well like she didn’t care what people said. But people definitely talked. Guys barely moved to her, at least not publicly.
One time, I was showing my family pictures from school, and one of them had her in the background. My brother legit paused and asked if she was one of the cleaners. My mum even asked if she was a lecturer. That moment stuck with me.
Fast forward to 400 level, we got paired in a group together. I didn’t think much of it until one meeting that happened at my hostel. Rain started falling heavily, and the rest of the group cancelled last minute. She had arrived early, so it ended up being just the two of us in my room. One thing led to another, and we got intimate.
I won’t lie, it was amazing. I enjoyed it, but she enjoyed it more because she came like three or four times that day. After that, it became a regular thing. We’d link up on the low, do our thing and act like nothing happened in class. I’d gist with her and stuff, but never in a way that people would think we were involved.
She started catching feelings at some point. And maybe, if I were braver, I would have considered it. But I wasn’t ready for the way people in school would’ve dragged me. They’d never let me rest if they knew I was with a fat girl.
After uni, we lost touch. I looked her up one day — she’s still big, not as obese, but still plus-size. Sometimes I wonder what could’ve been, but I still don’t think I could’ve handled the judgment.”
ALSO READ: Sleeping With Older Men Changed My Life
“I straffed my okada guy in uni” — Rachael*, 30
It started as a regular transport arrangement, like most university students’. But Adesuwa’s experience took a very different turn when she went from rider to sneaky link with her Okada guy.
“Back in school, everyone had a bike guy. Mine just happened to be a fine guy with a nice body and a surprisingly good grasp of English. He always looked clean; nice haircut, fresh polos. Not the typical ‘local’ okada man vibe.
He finished secondary school but didn’t go further, and I think that gave him an edge. You could gist with him properly, and he was always respectful. I’d seen how he looked at me a few times, but I acted like I didn’t notice.
One day, I called him for a ride, and when I realised my roommates were out for the night, I told him to stop by my lodge instead. I can’t explain what came over me, but we slept together that night.
After that, it became a regular thing. He’d come over late at night, we’d do what we wanted, and he’d bounce before anyone noticed. I kept it quiet. People just assumed he was my regular okada guy. Even my close friends never suspected. He also respected himself, never tried to act familiar in public or move mad.
Looking back, it was wild. If anyone in my family ever finds out I was straffing a bike man, I don’t know how I’d even explain it. But I don’t regret it. He was good, quiet, and gave what needed to be given.”
“He wanted to be seen with me, but I couldn’t even imagine introducing him to my parents” — Chioma*, 35
What started as a casual domestic job became a shame-soaked entanglement for Chioma*, who still can’t believe she once pleasured her grandfather’s age mate.
“I got hired as a private cook for this old man whose wife had travelled abroad for omugwo. Apparently, she went to help one of their kids with a new baby and never returned. So it was just him, alone in that big house.
The man wasn’t frail or anything. He was one of those sophisticated, still-mobile grandpas who wore linen kaftans and used big words in normal conversations. After I made his meals, he’d insist I stay for gist, and I didn’t mind at first. He was funny and surprisingly attentive.
But then, the attention turned to compliments, hugs and long stares. Then one day, he asked if I could ‘keep him company’ in bed. I won’t lie, I agreed. He paid me well, gave me pocket money after every session and treated me nicely. It felt like a fair deal.
For a while, we had an arrangement. I cooked, cleaned and pleasured him however he wanted. Sometimes he didn’t even want anything, just a full body massage. But then, he started asking for more. He wanted me to go to restaurants, weddings, and birthday parties with him. He was even subtly asking to meet my parents. That’s when I started seeing him clearly for the first time.
His head was completely bald. His skin sagged and wrinkled in ways I had ignored before. He had these odd stains on his teeth that no money could whiten. His back made a croaking sound every time he sat too long, and his walk was getting more unstable by the week.
It hit me that I’d been with a grandpa. That if I took him to my parents, they’d assume I was marrying someone on his deathbed. I realised he didn’t just want companionship; he wanted a last-day caretaker. A new wife, almost. I started pulling back.
I kept the job for a few more months but refused every public invite. He eventually told me the contract had ended. I was relieved. Only a few friends know what happened. I’m ashamed I stayed that long, but at least I left.”
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.
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