Motunrayo* (73) doted on her son, Ayomide* (42), for years to make up for the abuse they both suffered from her husband. She might have overdone it. Ayomide now jumps in and out of marriages, leaving single mothers in his wake.
In this story, Motunrayo shares how her constant support of Ayomide’s antics has ruined her relationship with his siblings and how, after the failure of his eighth marriage, she fears he’s going for a ninth.
This is Motunrayo’s story as told to Betty:
I know what it means to lose a child. Since losing two to the cold hands of death early in life, I’ve held fast to my three surviving children, especially my last child, Ayomide.
Ayomide is my favourite, and I admit I’m a bit partial to him. My marriage was physically abusive, and before my husband eventually abandoned us in 2000, Ayomide and I bore the brunt of his abuse. His older siblings left for university, leaving the two of us at my husband’s mercy.
When my husband left, I tried to make up for the suffering we experienced at his father’s hands by doting on Ayomide. I gave him everything he wanted. His siblings thought I was overindulgent, but I thought showing love was a good way to course correct from the abusive situation we’d endured. Even when Ayomide said he didn’t want to further his education after secondary school, I agreed wholeheartedly. I let him become an apprentice mechanic. He made a little money here and there, and I was fine with it.
In 2003, when Ayomide was 21 years old, he told me he had gotten his boss’s daughter, Atinuke*, pregnant and wanted to do the right thing by marrying her.
The news shocked everyone, but the family backed him because he wanted to marry her. We went to see her people, did the introductions and had a traditional marriage. I was delighted to see my son settle down and have a grandchild. Atinuke was a nice, well-behaved girl, and I had no issues with her. However, I think Ayomide married her just because of the pregnancy.
Within a few months, they started fighting constantly. The relationship deteriorated further after their daughter was born. In 2005, Ayomide moved back into my house and said he was no longer interested in his marriage.
Atinuke’s father and I tried to mediate the situation, but he was adamant. One day, he told me that he’d self-harm if I forced him to try to make things work with Atinuke. That scared me. I don’t pray to bury another child, so I supported his decision to leave her. Ayomide agreed to pay for the child’s upkeep, and that was the end of that union.
In 2006, just eight months after Ayomide said he didn’t want to be with his first wife anymore, he brought home a new fiancée, Bola*.
Bola was a beautiful young woman from a good home. Ayomide’s siblings and I thought it was too soon to rush into another marriage, but Ayomide seemed sure.
He told me how much he loved Bola and wanted to build a life with her. Who wouldn’t want the happiness of her child? I supported him and encouraged their marriage. For the second time, we went to see Bola’s people, did an introduction, and a traditional marriage ceremony.
In a few months, Bola got pregnant, and the family was delighted, especially Ayomide. He went on and on about how he’d get it right this time and how he would do a big white wedding to celebrate after the baby was born.
No sooner had the baby, another girl, been born than Ayomide changed his mind. He told me that Bola had changed since the baby was born and didn’t pay him any attention. I thought it was just new mum blues, so I told him to be patient with her. I assured him that once she settled into a routine with the baby, things would return to how they used to be.
In April 2008, around midnight, there was an urgent knocking at my gate. I initially thought it was robbers, but it was Bola. She was crying at the door, holding my grandchild and complaining that Ayomide beat her for asking him for money to pay her shop rent. I was appalled. How could Ayomide do the same thing that we suffered to another person?
Bola’s family came to pick her up from my house the minute they heard. They refused to allow her to return to the marriage even after Ayomide’s siblings and I begged on his behalf. They returned the bride price and told Ayomide to pay a small amount to Bola each month for the upkeep of their daughter. And just like that, Ayomide was single again.
In early 2009, Ayomide came again to say he wanted to marry another girl, Tolu*. His older brother was livid when he told us this. He felt that since Ayomide had two failed marriages under his belt already, he should focus on caring for his kids instead of getting married again.
However, I understood how lonely it could be when you don’t have a partner, so I supported Ayomide. I felt that marriage would give him structure and purpose. Since he had experience with two previous marriages, he wouldn’t make the same mistake with the third. His siblings said they would only support this new marriage if he did a court wedding. To show his seriousness, Ayomide agreed.
In June 2009, we had a lavish white wedding for Ayomide and Tolu. His brother and I paid for it — he couldn’t afford it alone because of the child payments and his modest salary. By early 2010, Tolu got pregnant and had another beautiful baby girl. The baby’s umbilical cord hadn’t healed before Ayomide started complaining about Tolu’s behaviour.
By this time, I was tired of his antics. Why did he never see fault with these women until they had his baby? He argued that the women changed after seeing they’d “trapped” him with a child. In the end, Ayomide moved back in with me again. I tried to get him to return to his matrimonial home, but I remembered he had threatened to hurt himself before, so I let sleeping dogs lie.
Tolu’s family demanded a divorce, but we settled on a separation. I thought, with enough time, Ayomide would be willing to work on his marriage. I was wrong. He left Ibadan in 2011 and moved to Ife to get away from his wife.
2012 came and Ayomide brought another fiancée home: Temi*. This time, his siblings refused to support or follow him to meet her family.
I hated that his siblings abandoned him when he needed their support, so I rallied my own siblings, and we went to do the rites. I made Ayomide promise everyone that he would dedicate himself to his marriage, and he did so with all smiles and no hesitation. I thought he was serious.
By 2014, Ayomide had another baby girl and abandoned Temi to raise her alone. I wasn’t even aware of this until Temi* called me crying. I tried to reach Ayomide, but he ignored my calls and messages for weeks.
When he finally contacted me, he said he’d found someone else he cared about. They had moved back to Ibadan together and wanted to get married. I immediately told him to keep it a secret from the rest of the family. I knew they would never support it. He told me he really loved this new lady, Tayo*, but I wasn’t convinced. He lied to Tayo that his siblings were abroad, so I went alone to see Tayo’s family in 2015. I had to borrow some money to support him, but we paid the bride price in full, and Ayomide became a happily married man again.
I didn’t even tell Temi that Ayomide had moved on to another wife. I was still paying off the loan I took to help him with Tayo’s bride price, so we couldn’t afford a settlement with Temi’s family.
In November 2015, I got an upsetting wake-up call.
Tayo came to my house early in the morning, sporting a black eye. She rained curses on me and said I had raised an animal and should never claim her as my daughter-in-law. I tried to calm her down, but she spat on me and walked out. That was the last time I saw Tayo. When I asked Ayomide about it, he said she had returned to her family in Ife. Tayo’s family returned the bride price; the yams, the oil, the money, everything. My only relief was that Tayo wasn’t pregnant, so that meant we wouldn’t have to sort out another monthly child settlement.
After Tayo left, I sat Ayomide down and told him his way of living was not sustainable. I told him to try to be alone for the next few years. I wanted him to focus on building himself and taking care of the children he already had. We entered 2016 with no wife or marriage on the horizon, and I thought Ayomide had taken my advice.
By June that year, Ayomide brought home another prospective wife. I told him I didn’t have the money for another bride price or traditional wedding, but he said that his new wife, Dami*, came from a wealthy family and they had agreed to foot the bills. I was happy to hear this and shared the good news with his siblings. They were not happy at all. His older brother and sister told me that if I attended the wedding, they wouldn’t speak to me or visit me anymore.
They accused me of encouraging Ayomide to go down a bad path. That hurt me a lot. How could they abandon their brother when he needed his family’s support? I understood that he had made some mistakes in the past, but the solution for a headache is not cutting off the head.
We had a family meeting to try to de-escalate the situation, and they gave Ayomide an ultimatum. Either he stopped the marriage process to Dami, or they’d disown him. Ayomide refused to back down, and I supported him. I had to stand by my son. I didn’t want him to feel like he was alone in the world or that he had to stay in an unhappy marriage. Besides, Ayomide was in his 30s by then, and I expected he’d gotten wiser and more experienced. I was wrong.
In 2017, Ayomide and Dami had a baby girl, and like clockwork in 2018, she had to leave him because of the constant fights and beatings.
Between 2019 and 2024, I paid for two more bride prices. I watched Ayomide marry two more women, have two more daughters and frustrate his wives out of his home.
By November 2024, when the last one left him, I begged my sister in Jos to please accommodate him and give him a job. The money he made from being a mechanic was in no way enough to pay for all of his children’s monthly expenses. I personally pay for two of his kids each month, but I’m getting old. I don’t work as much anymore, so I can’t take on any more payments for him.
Ayomide moved to Jos in December 2024 and started a job as a manager in my sister’s food company. I hoped that he would take his life more seriously, but my sister reported him to me. She said he has been slacking off at work because he now has a wealthy sugar mummy who gave him a car and a large allowance. I told her I’d speak to him, but I have been too afraid to do so.
I’m scared he’ll tell me he wants to marry this one, too. What mouth will I use to tell people that my son has been married nine times? My support of his marriages has completely ruined my relationship with his siblings. They only speak to me on holidays and my birthday. My daughter didn’t even let me attend my grandchild’s birthday party last year because she didn’t want to invite Ayomide’s children, and she didn’t want to explain herself to me.
I rarely see Ayomide’s children either. None of his ex-wives like me or want anything to do with me. It pains me that even though I have done nothing but support Ayomide, he doesn’t seem to care enough to do better. I don’t think I have it in me to attend any more of his weddings.
See what people are saying about this article on Instagram
