We recently asked married Nigerians to open up about the friends in their partner’s life they absolutely can’t stand, and they had lots to say. But let’s be honest: Friends aren’t the only people who make marriage extra stressful. Sometimes, it’s family members.
From overfamiliar sisters-in-law to passive-aggressive aunties and entitled nephews, navigating in-laws can be a full-time job. So, we decided to take it a step further and ask married Nigerians about that one relative on their partner’s side they absolutely can’t stand, and how they’re surviving the drama.
“My husband’s niece acts like she’s the queen of the family” — Kike*, 34
Kike* swears she tries to be tolerant, but her husband’s niece has tested every ounce of that patience.
“I used to think I was great with kids. I even taught kids during my NYSC posting, so I’m used to different children with different personalities. But nothing prepared me for my husband’s niece. The girl is 13, and the most entitled, spoilt, ajebutter child I’ve ever met. It’s like she walks around with ‘I’m better than you’ tattooed on her forehead.
The first few times I met her at family functions, I thought maybe she was shy. She barely greeted, eyes always glued to her iPad or phone. But over time, I noticed it wasn’t shyness; she genuinely believes she’s superior to the other kids. She makes snide comments about them not wearing designer clothes or mocks the schools they attend. It’s worse when her mum is around because that one acts like she’s raising royalty.
The last straw was during their visit to our place. I called her to come and get food, and she looked inside the plate, turned to her mum and said, ‘Only one chicken?’ I wanted to disappear. I’ve tried to talk to my husband about it, but he keeps making excuses, saying she’s his sister’s only child. Is that a reason to raise her that way? It’s exhausting.”
“My wife’s grandma can complain for Africa” — Tunde*, 37
Tunde* isn’t proud of it, but nothing tests his patience like his wife’s grandmother.
“I knew marriage came with in-laws, but I didn’t realise her grandmother would be a full-time package deal. Don’t get me wrong, she’s old and I respect her, but that woman complains a lot.
Before we had our child, she’d pray — more like pressure us — every single time we saw her. It wasn’t even subtle. At family events, church, or small visits, she’d pull me aside and say, ‘We’re still praying for you people o.’ It was annoying, but I endured because my wife is close to her.
When our son was born, I thought the prayers would stop, but nah, new level unlocked. She moved on to how we should raise him, the food he eats, how my wife lost weight after childbirth, and even my job wasn’t spared. Apparently, I should be working less so I can ‘focus on family.’ I just keep my distance now. When she’s around, I go out or bury myself in work. If not, I might explode one day.”
“I’m not a fan of my brother-in-law” — Seyi*, 41
Seyi* has done his best to stay civil, but his wife’s brother always makes that difficult.
“My brother-in-law is the classic example of wasted potential. He’s that guy who has all the charisma and street smarts but somehow never uses them for anything meaningful. He’s nearly 35, jumps from one short-term gig to another, has one kid he barely sees, yet walks into our home like he owns the place.
It’s not just his lifestyle that gets to me; it’s how my wife becomes blind to it. She grew up seeing him as her protector, so no matter how irresponsible he acts, she defends him. He once stayed with us for two weeks, ate through groceries, borrowed money he hasn’t returned till today, and still had the audacity to sit in my living room, advising me on how to ‘move smart’ with business.
We’ve argued about him so many times. I told her I don’t mind helping family, but I won’t babysit a grown man who refuses to get his life together. These days, I just keep my distance. When he visits, I make myself scarce. If I say one more thing, it’ll cause more issues in my marriage.”
“My wife’s ‘aunty’ has no boundaries, but somehow I tolerate her” — Bayo*, 39
Bayo* doesn’t mind his wife’s family, but one aunt has been a permanent test of his patience.
“She’s not even a real aunt, just one of those distant relatives-turned-family friends Nigerians adopt. But this woman has no boundaries whatsoever.
The incident that made me give up happened during our second son’s naming ceremony. She arrived super early, even before the caterers. I was in the room changing — boxers and all — and next thing, the door flies open, and it’s her, standing there like she owns the place. She screamed ‘E ma binu!’ and ran out, but I was mortified.
Since then, it’s been one thing after another. She opens drawers in the kitchen without asking, gives unsolicited parenting advice, and once tried rearranging our bedroom when my wife was sick. But here’s the thing: she shows up. Hospital visits, family emergencies, birthdays, she’s there, no complaints. I’ve learnt to manage her. I stay cordial but lock every door possible when she’s around.”
“My father-in-law disappeared for years, but now he wants to act like a dad” — Ifeanyi*, 35
Ifeanyi* has no problem respecting his elders, but respect, for him, is earned.
“My wife’s dad was practically absent for most of her childhood. She and her siblings were raised by their mum and older relatives. From all she told me, he only resurfaced when her elder brother started making good money abroad, and suddenly, he wanted to play ‘head of the family.’
I didn’t meet him until our introduction. Even then, it was obvious he was more concerned with appearances than building any real relationship with his kids. He made grand speeches, gave plenty of unsolicited advice, and threw his weight around like he’d always been present. I kept quiet out of respect.
But marriage has made it harder to ignore. He calls randomly, making demands, whether it’s about how we should raise our future kids or how I should handle my finances. He even once suggested we move closer to his house so ‘family can be united.’ Meanwhile, the man didn’t so much as contribute a dime towards our wedding.
The hardest part is that my wife still wants to give him a chance. I get it, it’s her dad. But for me, I treat him like an acquaintance, not a father figure. I’ll greet him respectfully and hold conversations, but that’s about it. He has to earn the respect if he wants it.”
“My mother-in-law fought our marriage spiritually, I’ve never liked her” — Bose*, 56
Bose*’s marriage has lasted over two decades, but her relationship with her mother-in-law is practically non-existent.
“From day one, my mother-in-law didn’t want me. She didn’t even hide it. Back then, I thought it was just the usual in-law disapproval, but it went deeper than that.
Before we got married, I had several dreams where she showed up, warning and threatening me to leave her son or face the consequences. I’d wake up sweating. At first, I tried to respect her and play nice, but the dreams kept coming. It was clear this wasn’t just physical; a spiritual battle was going on.
It got so bad, I almost called it quits. But my husband and I loved each other deeply, and we’d had our own spiritual revelations that we were meant to be together, but we’d have to fight for it. My mum had to step in spiritually too. She prayed, fasted, and faced that woman toe to toe. It wasn’t until then that the harassment — both physical and spiritual — eased.
It’s been over 20 years now. If I count how many real conversations or visits we’ve had, it’s barely more than a dozen. During family gatherings, we smile, greet and keep the peace. But that’s where it ends — no unexpected visits, frequent phone calls, nothing beyond surface-level politeness. My husband knows his mum isn’t easy. He mostly stays out of it because he knows how deep it has gone. I’ve made peace with it. We’re not friends, and that’s fine by me.”
“I’ll soon call her by name and see what she’ll do about it” — Simi*, 32
Simi* never imagined marriage would come with its own demand for respect, especially from people barely older than her.
“My husband’s family is very Yoruba, so I expected all the usual traditions — kneeling to greet elders, using honourifics, all of that. I’ve always been respectful, but there’s one of his sisters I can’t stand. She’s just a year older than me, but because I married her brother, she expects me to call her ‘Aunty.’
At first, I thought it was a joke. But the first time I called her by name, her face twisted like I insulted her ancestors. Since then, the energy has been weird. Anytime she visits, she wants the same level of respect we give her mum. She sits like a queen, expects to be served, and when I greet her properly but skip the ‘Aunty’ part, you can almost see the annoyance written all over her face.
What gets me is that I’ve dealt with babes like this before back in uni. I had roommates obsessed with seniority. I know the type. They thrive on fake respect and power trips. For now, I’m keeping the peace because of my husband. He’s asked me to overlook it, and I’m trying. But one of these days, I’ll call her by her name, loud and clear. I want to see what she’ll do about it.”
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.
Click here to see what other people are saying about this article on Instagram
