Most people expect that married couples share everything: bodies, homes, responsibilities, and essentially, their entire lives. However, this shared intimacy doesn’t always extend to their finances.
In Nigeria, stories of one partner not being open with their finances for several reasons aren’t strange. We spoke to six married Nigerians who keep money secrets from their spouses. Their different reasons tie into a common rationale: keeping quiet gives you freedom of choice.
“I couldn’t tell my wife I lost ₦10m, so I sold our car and lied about it” — Austin*, 39
In 2023, I borrowed ₦10m from a banker friend to settle agent fees and proof of funds to japa to Canada. I planned to repay this friend after I relocated and found work abroad. Unfortunately, the travel agent turned out to be a scammer. Both the ₦10m and the visa disappeared.
Fortunately, my friend was understanding and allowed me to pay in instalments, but there was a bigger problem: My wife had no idea I even started the japa process, so I couldn’t tell her I lost money.
I didn’t mean to hide it from her. I’d been trying to leave Nigeria since 2019 but encountered roadblocks, from the US denying my visa thrice to spending money and time trying to get MBA scholarships. At a point, my wife banned me from trying to relocate again.
She said it was clear that my destiny was tied to Nigeria. But I didn’t accept this; instead, I hid my plans from her. I thought I’d surprise her when the visa came. I was the one who ended up getting surprised.
At first, I paid my friend ₦200k monthly to settle the debt, but my salary was only ₦450k, and my wife started getting suspicious at the rate at which I was getting broke. I knew I had to do something drastic when she started snooping through my phone to check if I was cheating. So, I sold my car for ₦4.9m and lied to her that it got stolen. It didn’t completely offset my debt, but my friend told me to forget about the balance.
Sometimes, I get the odd feeling that my wife actually knows what I did and hasn’t brought it up to keep the peace. I might also be overthinking it because of my guilty conscience. Unless she confronts me about it, I don’t intend to ever tell her.
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“I have a secret emergency fund stash in case of eventualities” — Ezinne*, 29
My husband and I have a joint account where we save for our house project, but I have another savings account for my emergency fund stash, which I keep from him.
I don’t hide it for negative reasons. I’m not hurting anybody; it’s just for eventualities. I’ve heard many stories of women getting stranded because their men died untimely or started carrying other women. I don’t think my husband can cheat, but I know women outside these days also use juju to catch men. It’s better to stay prepared.
I’ve been growing my emergency funds since we married, and I currently have ₦6.5m in it. I have a business, so I regularly deposit a percentage of my profits in my stash before I send it to our joint account.
“My wife has never known my actual salary” — Lanre*, 33
Since we got married in 2023, I’ve made sure to give my wife a slightly reduced version of my income. I currently earn ₦600k/month, but my wife thinks I earn ₦400k. I do it to save myself from unnecessary billing.
My wife is ready to help you spend every last kobo once she knows you have money. That’s her only flaw, and I’ve learnt to manage it. Hiding my actual salary helps me save the extra for rent and emergencies.
Sometimes I wonder if she actually sits down to think about how I manage to meet most of our bills. But she’s just carefree like that. It’s funny because she should know I finish my “supposed” salary almost every month. How, then, do I manage to pay rent when the time comes? Maybe she thinks I perform magic.
“I keep my gambling problem a secret” — Rotimi*, 41
I‘m not a gambling addict, but I have a small problem staying away from sports betting platforms. I know how harmful gambling can be, so to help myself, I only gamble on the weekends.
My wife knows I like sports betting, but doesn’t know I do it every week. She would never approve. It’s easier to keep my habit a secret because she won’t understand how careful I am with my bets. I spend ₦10k weekly on the bets and try not to go over that. I just see it as a hobby that sometimes pays me. I don’t always win, but when I do, it’s like extra cash.
The last time I won a bet was two months ago when I made ₦31k from ₦2k. I still used the money to buy something for my wife.
“My husband doesn’t know I pay my brother’s school fees” — Joy*, 31
My husband doesn’t get along with my two younger siblings. He thinks they’re entitled and disrespectful, and while I agree with him, he takes his disapproval to the extreme. It has gotten to the point where my husband doesn’t even like seeing my siblings in my house. I’m constantly trying to manage his emotions whenever they come around.
So, it’s a no-brainer to hide the fact that I pay my brother’s school fees. My parents are late, and my husband thinks my brother puts himself through school. He knows I help with pocket money, but doesn’t know I pay the fees too. If he knew, he’d just add “lazy” to my brother’s list of crimes, and that’s another headache I’d rather not deal with.
“I’m constantly shopping online, but my husband doesn’t know” — Favour*, 31
My husband and I live in different countries, so it’s easy to hide how much of my money goes into shopping. I’m a sucker for beautiful things, and my cart is always full. I receive a $200 monthly allowance from my husband, and I spend it all on shoes, bags and clothes.
He often wonders when I complain about needing money by the middle of the month, but he blames inflation and the high cost of most things. I know he won’t mind that I buy things for myself, but he’d surely complain about the frequency of these purchases, so I just keep them to myself.
I know my secret will still cut when we finally sort out my visa and I relocate to join him. For now, I’m enjoying the freedom.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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