The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad.
Kiki was made to relocate to Canada on her own at 14, without prior information. In this episode of Abroad Life, she shares how she shuffled between six foster homes, two universities and a whole lot of racist experiences that left her with a mental disorder before the age of 18.
Where do you live now, and when did you move from Nigeria?
I currently live in Canada, and I moved from Nigeria in 2014.
You’ve been gone for a minute. Why did you leave Nigeria?
I didn’t have that much of a choice. I was 14 at the time and just starting my first semester in university. I was studying law and enjoying every bit of it. Then, I went home for the first-semester holiday, and my parents suddenly insisted that I go to Canada. At first, I assumed that they weren’t serious about it. Eventually, I found myself on a plane to Canada.
Wow. What was that experience like for you?
Growing up, I heard rumours that my parents had plans to send me to Canada , so I knew it was bound to happen, only that I didn’t expect it to to happen so soon.
I’m their only child, so I was very sheltered. When I had to attend boarding school in another state, my mother cried for weeks and remained angry at my dad for letting me move so far away. So, imagine how confused I felt when they told me I would be moving to Canada all by myself at 14.
So, where did you stay when you moved to Canada?
My mom had a friend in a particular province, so I stayed there for a while, but eventually, I had to move for school. I was among the youngest in my new school, so I couldn’t legally stay alone. My parents had to spend a lot of money connecting me with foster parents.
Foster parents?
Yes. Before I turned 18, I stayed in about six foster homes, most of which were white. It was during those times that I first experienced racism. The very first foster parent I stayed with was an older woman named Sharon. She had me and another Ghanaian lady living with her. That Ghanaian lady eventually became one of my close friends. She was older and doing her master’s program.
Even though the government paid Sharon to feed us and take care of the house, she didn’t. She’d stock her fridge with food only for herself and then lock it. She wouldn’t let us eat anything. She even tried to make us share one room, even though her house had three rooms. It was just wild.
It got so bad that the homestay program had to remove me from her house and place me with another family. She even hid our passports at some point when we were about to travel. She came into our room when we weren’t around and took them—it was a whole thing.
Unfortunately, my experience at Sharon’s wasn’t a one-time thing. I encountered similar things with other homestay families, too. My only good experience was with two families, and leaving them was hard. But for the most part, the racism was very real.
In Canada, people say, “Canadians are polite” and “they’re not confrontational.” This doesn’t mean they’re free of racism. It just means a lot of it shows up as microaggressions, and that can be just as damaging. I even experienced racism from some of the Asian students. There was one who was nice to me, but most of them were not. If I sat beside them on the bus, they’d get up and move. In class, they’d act like they were better than me.
I’d go home and deal with more racism from my homestay family. It was just a lot. Things only started to get better when I moved to another province. I had one foster family there who was a bit mean, but I didn’t stay with them long because I turned 18 soon after and could finally move.
How did that whole experience affect you?
Honestly, that period is one of the main reasons I ended up going to therapy. Coming from Nigeria, where everyone around me was black, racism wasn’t something I had to deal with. There was tribalism, but I hadn’t experienced it like that, so moving here at a young age with high hopes and then being hit with all this was a real shock. That first experience with Sharon changed me. It made me super withdrawn. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I became closed off. The school’s homestay network eventually noticed it during our check-ins and moved me to another family.
I appreciate that they moved me, but the damage had already started. I developed social anxiety and just assumed everyone would treat me the way Sharon did. It took therapy and time for me to unpack all of that. Talking about it helped me realise that what I went through wasn’t normal and that I deserved better.
Eventually, when I started living alone and things improved, I became open again. But it took a while.
I’m so sorry about that. Was your school a high school or a university?
I was placed in a university. It was a very tough transition because I was the youngest student there. To make things worse, I was the only black person in the undergraduate school, so the racism continued; I was working hard, but watching people who were hardly present in class get better grades than I did. I didn’t have any friends, had no choice but to live with foster families, and barely had access to Nigerian food. Later, I discovered a few Nigerians in the postgraduate school, so I made friends there. My parents ended up transferring me to another university, and I had a better experience there because it had a Nigerian Student Association.
Two universities at 14? That must have been tough
I had experienced being a university student in Nigeria, so I had an idea of what to expect. Plus, the fact that I was studying law gave me an idea of how intense universities can be. But when I look back at my life in Canada, I always wish that I had the chance to go back to high school for a while.
I’m sorry about that. What does life look like now for you?
I’m doing a lot better. I’m no longer in foster homes, so things are looking up now. I became a Canadian citizen last year. If I were still in Nigeria, I probably would not have achieved half of what I’ve accomplished here.
Looking back at what you’ve been through in Canada, was the experience worth it?
Kind of. Canada has a lot of opportunities. Even though the tuition fee was expensive because I was an international student, the quality of education here in Canada gives you a solid experience. Even your teachers are deeply invested in your growth. Another thing I love about Canada is how accessible mental health services are here. There were also a few times when my parents couldn’t send me money for food, but I didn’t feel the effect because Canada has food banks. Even getting my postgraduate work permits was so easy, and I got a good job immediately. After two years at my first job, I applied for my Permanent Residency (PR) and now, I am a citizen. Everything about Canada has always felt so easy.
So zero regrets?
I don’t have any regrets. Although I wish I didn’t have to move to Canada alone. I’m thankful for the friends I made along the way, though. Bonding with people who moved to Canada without their families was easy. We were alone, so we formed our own family. Coming in with my family through the PR route would have been amazing. I could have become a citizen sooner. I had been here for so long before I got my PR, and the amount of money my parents had to pay in international students’ fees was crazy. But on the bright side, you get that money back through taxes when you’re done with school. On days when I get high tax returns, I’m always excited.
Have you reconnected with your parents?
They are still back home in Nigeria. They’ve visited three times since I moved to Canada, but I’m planning to bring them here as permanent residents because of Nigeria’s economic hardship. My dad used to be against relocation, but now he’s more open to it, so it should be easier to convince them to move.
Do you miss anything about Nigeria?
I don’t remember much about Nigeria, but I miss the sense of community there. Even though I was an only child, people couldn’t tell because I had many cousins and friends. It’s harder to do that in Canada because everyone lives so far away. If I want to see my friends who live in different provinces in Canada, I have to prepare for a three- or four-hour road trip. But in Nigeria, I could walk down to my best friend’s street and hang out all day. I also miss Mr. Bigs, Tantalizers and Chicken Republic; you can’t get food like that here.
I’m sorry, that must suck. On a scale of one to ten, how happy are you in Canada now?
Right now, it’s a solid nine. Canada has given me so many opportunities. I have a great job, a fantastic boyfriend, my parents who will likely join me here soon, and a strong circle of friends.
Do you want to share your Abroad Life story? Please reach out to me here. For new episodes of Abroad Life, check in every Friday at 12 PM (WAT).
