You work hard, and you deserve nice things. That’s why we’ve come up with this list of things that we think will make every worker happy on worker’s day this year. Let’s go over the options we came up with.
1. Peace of mind
Because capitalism is stressful and you need all the peace you can get.
2. A playlist
It’s inexpensive and super relaxing. Put together a playlist made up of lo-fi music, rain sounds, and Celine Dion classics. You can’t go wrong with Celine Dion.
3. Money
Plenty of money. Especially if it’s in a foreign currency.
4. Their village people’s address
Maybe 2022 can be the year we all band together to fight each other’s village people. There’s no better gift than sourcing for all the village people’s addresses of your loved ones. It shows that you care about their well-being.
5. A pet
Because a small animal that loves and adores you is one of the best things you can own.
6. Crypto investments
Crypto coins like Floki. Yes, market dips can give you high blood pressure, but you’ll be grateful when the benefits start rolling in.
Here’s why owning Floki is a great idea:
It is competing with the top cryptocurrencies in the market.
Due to a partnership with CryptoCart, you can purchase items at stores like Amazon, Apple, eBay and lots more using your Floki tokens.
Every holiday is stressful, but you see Valentine’s Day? That one is another level of wahala, and it’s not even an official holiday. From saxophonists and dispatch riders running helter skelter to single people pretending not to care that they’re booless, it’s always dramatic as hell. With music being the one thing that unites all of us — single, taken or betrothed — through the chaos and stress, we collaborated with TurnTable Charts to compile a list of the songs topping the charts this Valentine’s season. Looking at data from streaming and radio, these are the songs everyone is vibing to in the name of the Valentine spirit.
Get More Zikoko Goodness in Your Mail
Subscribe to our newsletters and never miss any of the action
14. Aye — Davido
Before Davido fell and found assurance, he reminded us that love doesn’t cost a thing when he dropped Aye in 2014. With artists dropping back to back bops that year, Aye had us in a major chokehold, especially when we remember the music video that felt like a scene from Super Story. This song is also a reminder that Davido has been seeing things in women’s eyes for a long time — first it was love, and now it’s waists. Interesting.
Standout lyric: “She no want designer. She no want Ferari. She say na my love o.”
Please, where can we find a love like this in these Buhari times? Boda David, show us the way.
13. Baby Jowo — Victor Uwaifo
We know people throw the word “iconic” around a lot these days, but Baby Jowo is actually super iconic. Over 30 years later and this song is still popping, either in its original form or the remix featuring 2Face Idibia. The fact that people are streaming it shows that it’s not only millennials and Gen Zs that love to celebrate Valentine’s Day, mummy and daddy do usually do love too, dears.
Standout lyric: “Ko wa fife tutu s’aya mi o.”
Hot love is good, but you see cold love? Much better mehn.
12. If Love is a Crime — 2Face Idibia
We can’t believe 2Face Idibia really sat down in 2006 to write a song about his willingness to be hunted down like bush meat in the name of love. We love love over here, but for us, that’s a little extreme. But isn’t that what love is about? Doing whatever it takes to prove how much someone means to you? Even though we can’t relate to most of these things because we don’t like to be stressed, there’s no denying that 2Face Idibia was in his premium lover boy bag when he dropped this jam.
Standout line: “Girl, if love is a crime then I’m willing to be wanted”.
Honestly, this is the energy we’re looking for in 2022.
11. Kuchi Kuchi — J’odie
Couples would probably hate us for saying this, but Valentine’s Day is not just about you and your annoying teddy bears and flowers, it’s for everybody. As much as the world has turned this season into a lover’s thing, the truth is, Valentine is a time for everyone to love and be loved. Jodie’s Kuchi Kuchi is a good example of the variety of love we can express this season as it talks about a mother’s love for her child.
Standout line: “You make me cry. Laughter is not enough. I’ve seen true beauty because I see you.”
Cue the tears. Awwwwwww.
10. Smile for Me — Simi
If there’s one thing we’ve learnt from listening to Simi’s music, it’s that this babe is always all in. From Tiff to Duduke, Simi doesn’t play when it comes to this love thing. On Smile for Me, we find her convincing her lover to take risk and succeed. Heartbreak is possible, but there’s also premium enjoyment involved.
Standout lyric: “I want to be the one wey you fit die for.”
Die? Simi, dear, love is great but let’s be calming down.
9. Melo Melo — Olamide
Olamide is hands down one of the most versatile acts on the Nigerian scene. Since dropping Eni Duro, the hitmaker has been consistent year after year with almost ten albums to his name. Although Olamide rarely puts out lovey dovey songs, Melo Melo is that one song on the rapper’s discography that really gets us in our feels. Do we understand half of the proverbs he’s using to declare his love? No. But that doesn’t make the song any less romantic to us.
Standout lyric: “I know I make some mistakes, but I don dey regret. Now I no go forget to cherish wetin we get.”
If you’ve ever dated a Nigerian man, you should be used to lines like this by now.
8. African Queen — 2Face Idibia
If we were ever invaded by aliens and they asked us for a playlist of the best Nigerian songs, this song would be on that list. But don’t worry, according to Hollywood, aliens don’t come to Africa, so we’re safe. This is definitely 2Face’s most popular song and rightfully so, because we’re convinced he put something in it. It’s been almost 20 years since he dropped it and we still feel butterflies in our bellies every time it comes up. This love thing sha.
Standout lyric: “I’ll give you my heart, my love, my body and my money”.
2Face, all of this is great, but we still want teddy bears and chocolate.
7. What’s Love Got to Do With It — Tina Turner
Omo, it’s looking like Tina Turner was doing this Blaqbonez love-antagonising thing long before he owned it. Like Ms. Tina said back in 1984, sometimes, love doesn’t pay. Just enjoy yourself and go. If you don’t involve your heart, the chances of eating breakfast or ending up in disgrace or with hot tears are pretty slim.
Standout lyric: “Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?”
Where’s the lie? But will the heart hear word? No.
6. The Way You Make Me Feel — Michael Jackson
It’s Michael Jackson. Do we need to say more? Okay: It’s Michael Jackson.
Standout lyric: “Hey pretty baby with the high heels on”
If you like ballet flats or sneakers, just know that you were not MJ’s type.
5. E Be Like Say — 2Face Idibia
We know elections are coming soon, but it looks like some of you are mistaking February 2022 for February 2023 because this song clearly talks about politics. Then again, as we said before, Valentine’s Day is not just for romantic love. Maybe some of you just really love Nigeria and we can’t stop you from celebrating that love as well. Good luck!
Standout Lyric: “Another year has come, and now you want my trust once more.”
Ahh 2Face, they didn’t even wait for 2023 — the lies have already started.
4. Yes/No — Banky W
Are we the only ones who picture Adesua every time we listen to a Banky love song now? Even if the video has a different video vixen, a part of us just sees Mr and Mrs W. God, when abeg? After carrying our singlehood to Shiloh, we’ve decided to stream this song consistently as a way of ministering into our non-existent relationships as we anticipate a yes from above.
Standout Lyric: “Tired of running around no delay. Make you no go look Uche face”
Makes you wonder, who is this Uche Nigerian musicians always sing about?
3. Tonight — Nonso Amadi
There’s something about this song that makes us want to open a bottle of wine, dim the lights, eat dinner by candlelight and just have some much-needed romance time. With this description, it comes as no surprise that everyone else has been streaming this song to get in the mood for Valentine. Can you really blame us? Nonso Amadi knew what he was doing when he recorded this song and he didn’t come to play at all.
Standout lyric: “My girl, she got a gun in her hand. And she got one at her man”.
We don’t support violence here. More love, less guns please.
2. Joromi — Simi
We love a woman that shoots her shots. In this song, we find Simi shooting her shot at Joromi who probably just wants to drink Mojito and go home. To be fair, it’s Folabi we should all blame for telling Simi lies in the first place. Did Simi’s gragra work? Well, according to the video, it did. Therefore, we encourage you on this day of love to go forth and shoot your shot. If it fails sha, please collect your L and buy ice cream.
Standout lyric: “I dey give you signal. Why you no day see me ah?”
As much as we love Simi’s enthusiasm, it’s important to free that person once in a while. You’re a happening babe abeg.
1. Shape of You — Ed Sheeran
Fun fact: So Ed Sheehan wrote this song for Rihanna, but our good sis said no. Ed went on to sing this song and since it dropped, we’ve not known peace. It’s like the All I Want for Christmas on Valentine’s Day and honestly, we’re not mad at it.
Standout lyric: “The club isn’t the best place to find a lover so the bar is where I go”.
Really Ed, the bar? Why not use that app where people do usually swindle in the name of romance?
Single people, you think we don’t know you guys are the ones listening to all these songs? Nice one dears. Since couples are busy coupling, it’s only fair that you keep busy as well. Your turn is coming, have faith.
Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to suck for single women, especially if you are single by choice. Here’s a list of things you can do for yourself on that day.
1. Take sick leave
Yup. You deserve it. It’s not easy to be single and live your life without good morning texts or flowers at your doorstep. Ask your office for the day off to rest and pamper yourself, my dear.
2. Take yourself out to lunch or dinner
Visit one of those over-priced restaurants around you and treat yourself to a large meal. After all, if you were dating someone, that’s what you two would have done.
3. Stay off social media
It’s going to be matching pyjamas Christmas all over again, except worse. If you’re not ready to see pictures of your ex or your crush coupled up, avoid social media on the 14th. A word is enough for the wise.
4. Sleep
Sleep is always an easy escape. The trick is to overeat, drink and let your body do its thing. By the time you wake up, it’s February 15th.
5. Read a romance novel
Novels are another cheap way to escape reality. The right romance novel will have you feeling like it’s you that is the apple of the protagonist’s eye.
6. Watch a serial killer documentary movie
They are intense and demand a lot of attention, leaving no space for any weird feelings that might come from being single on Valentine’s Day. Cook yourself a meal or order food in for an immersive experience.
7. Visit your parents
Even if no one wants to love you, your parents will always love you. Spend some time with them to remind yourself that you are loved. If that’s not an option for you, refer to number 8.
8. Plan a Galentine’s hangout with your friends
Galentine’s day is a day for women to celebrate their female friendships. It’s like Valentine’s day but for women. You can host a sleepover or see a movie at the cinema together. Either way, you’re spending time with your girls. Speaking of which, we at HER have something for you on Galentine’s day. Subscribe to the newsletter to be a part of it.
Subscribe to our HER newsletter for more stories about African women and how they navigate life.
It’s Valentine’s season and everyone is either waiting to receive a gift or making plans to get someone else one. Before you make any more plans, here’s a list of gifts Nigerian women are tired of receiving.
1. Flowers
Especially when it’s just flowers and not accompanied by anything else, like chocolates or an all expense paid trip to another country so I can disappear when we get there and never return to Nigeria. Just flowers? What are we supposed to do with that? Cook soup?
2. Sex
We have sex every other day.Why is Valentine’s Day own special? My dear, put your wallet to good use and buy her a proper gift. Then you can use sex to top off the night.
3. Babies
Very common with south south men. They won’t show up with a gift but they will give you all the sex in the world. Next thing you know, you’re with child.
4. Silence
Some women get silence on Valentine’s Day. This could be because they are single with no partner prospects or their partner found a reason to fight with them at 11:58pm on the 13th of February. Either way, silence is not a gift. Y’all fix up. Get a random woman a Valentine’s gift TODAY.
5. Non-alcoholic wine
Non-alcoholic wine is really just fruit juice in a fancy bottle disguised as wine. So please come correct. Don’t be confusing sisters, please.
6. Reaffirmation
Those cute, heartfelt messages are great, love, but where is your capitalism-endorsed proof that you love me? Miss us with that shit, abeg.
7. Dry cookies
Just order her lunch instead. Those dry ass cookies that can choke you to death if you eat them without a drink ain’t doing shit for anybody.
8. Cheap chocolate
Same WhatsApp group with cookies. Just say you hate her, take your Toblerone, and go.
9. Movie date
If you are not buying out an entire cinema for just you two, don’t bother. Let homegirl eat her cheap chocolate in the comfort of her house.
Subscribe to our HER newsletter for more stories about African women and how they navigate life.
Valentine is almost here and yet again, Nigerian men are bound to be on the unfair end of the gifting scale. The cycle of giving a lot and getting little in return has to end this Valentine.
What do you give a [stingy] woman who has everything? We have ideas.
1. Bagco bag.
You might not be able to handle all her emotional baggage, but Bagco will never let her down.
2. Wet lips.
A closed mouth is a closed destiny. You have just gifted her something that will lead to her acceleration in life.
3. Hand mirror.
When you give this to her, play “Jowo” by Davido: Look into my eyes oh, baby jowo. The way she will run to hug you ehn! Hmm.
4. Wig cap.
Who knows, the wig cap could be her secret charm into BBNaija this year. Nengi that wore it in the house kuku knew what she was doing.
5. Hardener.
You are making her nails hard, not her life. She should appreciate this.
6. Tights/Stockings/Pop-Socks.
You’re helping her look sexy on a budget. What else could she possibly want?
7. Greeting card.
Shebi she said words of affirmation is her love language? It has not changed. Buy greeting card and speak her love language to her.
8. Back scratcher.
You cannot promise to touch the deepest parts of her. But you see this back scratcher? It will touch her in places even you cannot reach.
9. Rubber.
Natural is the way, and that’s why you are giving her this to help her journey. Sorry if your babe is on gorimapa. Maybe buy her Damatol.
10. Pumice stone.
You’ve just saved her the cost of going to the spa for a foot scrub. This right here is an eternal subscription to a DIY pedicure, all natural.
11. Dunlop slippers.
For when her journey in life becomes too hard. Let her remove her high heels and wear this one.
12. Hair bond.
Somebody is bound to provoke her into fighting. She’ll use this scrunchie to pack her hair so they don’t pull it and win.
13. Ludo.
Give her something else to play with, in case she decides to play your heart.
14. Two Indomie and one egg.
One egg is now N50 in the market. If she does not appreciate it, then she is not worthy of your affection.
NB: Whatever happens between you and your girlfriend after you give her any of these gifts, you people should not call my name abeg. I’m busy shaving my own Valentine’s gift.
Every year since you were born, you have experienced a Valentine’s day. Some might be good, some bad, but one always stands out. These seven women tell us about the best Valentine’s day they have ever had.
Ada, 33
I went into labour on the 13th of February. I had given birth before, but it was not as hard as this one so I was sure this child wanted to kill me. After over twelve hours in the labour room, I finally gave birth on the morning of the 14th. When I held my son in my arms, I felt so much peace. I would not say the multiple hours of labour was worth it, but it was really close. I gave birth to a healthy son, and no gift could top that. Except maybe a new car.
Zainab, 19
I was about seven-years-old in primary school. I had come to school in these red velvet trousers and a white shirt. When it was break time, the teacher gathered all the snacks we brought and shared it. After sharing, he asked that if anyone brought any gifts for anyone, they could give it to them. One boy in my class at the time walked up to me with a rose and a bag with a bottle of perfume in it. We spent the rest of the day passing notes to each other and it was so fun. I had only seen him once since we left primary school, but I was too shy to say anything. I want him to know that that was the best Valentine’s day I had ever had.
Yinka, 20
My friends and I are usually single around Valentine’s day, so last year we decided to do something nice for ourselves for a change. After saving up and getting our parents to contribute to our cause, the four of us were able to get an AirBnB. We wore our comfiest clothes and binge watched romantic comedies while we ate and drank. Having my best girls around me and just having a great time was such an amazing experience. That was also the day I discovered I was not as straight as I thought.
Hi there! While you are here do you want to take a minute to sign up for HER’S weekly newsletter? There’ll be inside gist from this series and other fun stuff. It’ll only take 15 seconds. Yes I timed it.
I have always loved flowers. Two years ago I mentioned to my current girlfriend that I had never gotten flowers. It was a comment I made in the middle of the conversation and I did not think too much about it, but she apparently did. I still do not know how much she bribed my friends to go along with the plan she had, but throughout the day they kept bringing me flowers with little notes from her. I felt so special and loved. At the end of the day when I went to her place for the dinner she made, she gave me this big bouquet. I couldn’t stop crying. It was so thoughtful and sweet.
Janet, 26
Since 2019 started, I had been complaining to my then boyfriend about how work seemed to have wanted to kill me. I had just started my own business, so I was constantly stressed. I was always tired, and I never ate enough food. The night before, he put off my alarm so by the time I woke up to get ready for work, it was about 10am. He gave me a bath, and made me akara and pap for breakfast. He drove us to a spa where he had booked an appointment and we had a couple’s massage. Then later, we went to dinner in a nice restaurant I had been wanting to try. It was so peaceful and calm. I felt so full of love, and the sex we had later was so amazing. 10/10 experience and I cannot forget it.
Anu
My best Valentine’s Day was actually last year. I’d just moved countries and started dating someone new. As a queer person, it was exciting cause I could be romantic in public. I got her flowers, made a jar of our favourite memories till that date, and tasks I could do for her. She got dressed up and took me to my favourite restaurant which was a steakhouse. She’s vegan, so I know that took a lot. She also got me the cutest and warmest indoor slippers ever because she knew knew my feet got cold easily. We booked a room for the night and I think the sex we had was probably my top 2 experiences and it was definitely not number 2.
Lillian, 18
It was in SS2 when I had a thing with this guy. I went out of the class and came back to find him and his friends smiling sheepishly at me. When I sat at my desk, I my put my hand under the desk only to find a fake rose and a letter on a piece of paper. I took both and ran to the ladies’ to read it because I was shy. He wrote a really sweet letter and poem for me. I memorized that poem and I could recite it off the top of my head for months.
For more stories about women and the things they do, please click here
[donation]
It’s that time of the year where couples are checking their account balances and wondering if they are willing to go broke just to buy a gift and single people are wondering if going to Shiloh is a tad dramatic. Let’s take a look into your future and tell you what you’ll be doing on Valentine’s Day.
Have you ever wondered what a booless party would be like? Well, Captain Morgan decided we’d had enough of relationships folks stealing the show every February 14th, and so he threw a kickass party for everyone instead. Here’s how it went.
First, you can expect the ambience to pop…
Just take a look at the location. Isn’t it enough to put anyone in the mood for a fun time?
…and for the people to understand the assignment
The party got off to a beautiful start with people arriving in groups. Look at the fits! You can tell they knew how much fun they were coming to have that night.
Good music
Remember how we’ve all been threatening to call Rexxie for months? Well, Captain Morgan called him and he showed up at the party to give the people a night to remember. Chike, the boo of the booless also gave the people a show at the party. It’s a booless party, so it’s only right that the people get a boo for the night.
And lots of fun
As if having two performers for the night wasn’t enough, Captain Morgan brought Segun Johnson to hype people up for the night and make them lose the last bits of home training they thought they had.
And even more fun
That’s not all. There were more fun things to do at the party like card games, trivia games, word plays and photo booths all designed to make the people who came to the party have the best time ever.
Then a dinner experience to top it all up
In the end, it turned out that the Booless Party was all just round one, and a dinner party themed “Love Like the Captain” happened later that night to top it all up. This one featured lots of tasty meals, delicious cocktails, chills, and vibes all courtesy of Captain Morgan.
