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  • For many Nigerians, love doesn’t always end in fireworks. There are the undefined ‘what-ifs’ and almost-relationships. *Tochukwu (23) knows this feeling all too well. From a transactional first love to an undefined entanglement that left him guessing, dating has been anything but smooth.

    He shares how his views on love have changed since then, and why he’s not seeking out love, for now.

    What’s your current relationship status, and how do you feel about it?

    I’m single. Considering the chaos in the Nigerian dating space, I’m happy about it. People only want casual relationships these days.

    When did you first find yourself “on the streets,” and what kicked things off?

    I think we’re all on the streets by default until we find someone. But I got off the streets for a while when I reconnected with *Vera, a primary school friend, in 2019. We started dating a year later, but looking back, I should’ve known we wouldn’t last.

    What happened?

    It started off as sweet, young love. We saw each other almost every day and went on many dates. She was thoughtful at times by always checking with me, and I genuinely loved her. But over time, she started comparing me to other people who spoiled their girlfriends and constantly complained about money. I was still a student, living on an allowance, but I planned most of our dates and paid for everything.

    The moment that changed things for me was when my sister, who owns a pastry business, did a giveaway. Vera won, thanks to some help from me, but I was shocked when she asked me for money to get the item delivered. That’s when I started seeing the relationship differently. It felt purely transactional. Things ended shortly after. Even though we dated for less than a year, she was my first love. The breakup wasn’t easy, but it was draining my pockets, and I had to be logical.

    A casual relationship with a coursemate helped me move on from Vera. Still, it didn’t go anywhere serious — she was already in a relationship, and I had to transfer schools when the ASUU strike happened.

    Was that a connection you were really excited about?

    No, it wasn’t. It just happened, and I didn’t put my heart into it since she had a boyfriend. But there were two connections I actually wanted that didn’t work out.

    One was with a close friend I caught feelings for. I told her, but she didn’t feel the same. The other was more recent; I met her at a rave. We danced, vibed, and she even asked me to take videos of her. But I didn’t get her number or name. I regretted it later, but I was still healing from the scars of my last situationship. I still think about her sometimes.

    Can you talk about this “situationship” that left you in a bad place?

    I met *Tolu in my third year. She was missing some details from a course we took together,  so I texted her on X. We started chatting daily and grew really close. We bonded over long walks around school and held hands. We eventually admitted our feelings 

    Not long after that, we had to leave school for our 6-month Industrial training. I travelled abroad for mine, while Tolu stayed in Lagos. We made it work despite the one-hour time difference. But a few months in, I noticed our communication dipped. She said work was stressful and made it hard to constantly keep in touch. Then there was this money issue. She asked me to send her money, and I got debited twice. She didn’t mention the second payment until I brought it up. I felt weird about that.

    Things kept getting worse. I expected things to return to normal when I returned, but Tolu had a guy’s picture on her lock screen. She claimed a friend set it as a joke. I wanted to make things official, but she kept stalling, saying she wasn’t ready for the pressure that came with the label. So we stayed in this undefined grey area.

    One day, I had to help her fix her laptop, and that was when I noticed her X account was still logged in. I didn’t check at first, but I took it as a sign when the laptop developed another fault. I went through her DMs and found conversations with an “ex” she claimed she wasn’t talking to. They had planned meetups during the IT period. I also saw flirty DMs from other guys she didn’t shut down. I was hurt, but I still made excuses for her. I never even brought it up. I couldn’t hold her accountable for most of what she did because we hadn’t made it official.

    I’m curious. Why didn’t you walk away at that point?

    Unlike my first relationship, what I shared with Tolu didn’t feel transactional. She reciprocated in her own way, and I thought we had something worth fighting for. I was hopeful. I felt we had something worth fixing.

    I also blamed myself for not defining things sooner. We were already so close that it felt like giving it a label wouldn’t change anything. 

    But then I found Tolu’s nudes saved to someone else’s Snap. I also saw a playlist titled “Songs to Listen to When I Miss You”. In the cover photo, she hugged a guy I recognised from her office. The worst part? They were songs I’d sent her. I confronted her, but she just cried and said I had no right to go through her phone.

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    What finally ended the ship?

    After school ended, I tried to plan a date, but she kept making excuses. Then I saw her post about a date with a guy she once described as  “just a friend.” He was some upcoming artist whose songs she had once begged me to stream. I blocked her everywhere.

    She kept calling and texting. I eventually told her it was over, and then I blocked her for good. A mutual friend later told me she liked me at the start, but was using me as a rebound. That helped me let go completely after more than two years. 

    I’m sorry. Anything interesting happening with your love life these days?

    Not really. I’ve been for a year, and that’s long enough to realise that nobody wants to be accountable. It’s so easy to get discarded for the next “shiny” thing. 

    I also don’t approach women anymore — not just because of what I’ve been through, but because my female friends have shared how uncomfortable they feel when random men approach them. So I stay careful. 

    Have you considered dating apps?

    I used to think dating apps were for people desperate to find a relationship, especially in this part of the world where it’s not the norm. It’s a stereotype I’m still unlearning, but I’ve never felt the need to try one. 

    Dating apps take away some of the spontaneity you get from real-life connections. I’m not open to them right now since I’m not feeling any pressure, but who knows? Maybe I’ll give them a shot sometime in the future.

    Right. Plan to leave the streets soon?

    I think about leaving sometimes, especially when I run into couples at events. There’s something beautiful about watching people in love. But right now? I’ve got bigger goals to focus on.  My master’s tops that list, and there’s work, too. They currently keep me occupied, and I think love can wait.

    For how long?

    Ideally, the next couple of years. Love tends to show up when you least expect it, so while I want to protect myself, I don’t want to shut out the possibility completely. I’d like to achieve my goals before putting myself out there again

    Fair enough. What’s something that gives you hope about dating?

    I’m still young, the right person will come when it’s time, and I’ll be ready.

    What’s one thing the streets are teaching you about love and partnership?

    I’m learning to slow down and get to really know people before giving too much, not just emotionally but also in terms of time and expectations. Don’t dive in just because it feels good in the moment. I’ve learned to look for alignment in values, emotional maturity, and how they handle pressure or uncertainty.

    When I’m ready, I’ll have a serious relationship in mind and expect the other person to have similar goals and temperaments. I think that’s where I clashed with my previous love interests. We just weren’t on the same page, and I ignored it.

    Finally, how are the streets treating you these days? Give it a rating on a scale of 1-10

    8/10. I’m still meeting cool people when I want, so it’s not bad. The missing two points are for when I feel lonely.

    Read Next: He Broke Up With Me, But I Couldn’t Stop Going Back To Him

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  • I once heard someone say romance is dying, and it got me thinking about how chaotic dating can be these days. To understand what it’s like being single (or on the streets) in today’s Nigeria, I spoke to *Anna (25). 

    She shared how what was supposed to be a breakup that set her free spiralled into a messy cycle of sex and control for months. Now she’s finally learning to find peace in being single.

    What’s your current relationship status, and how do you feel about it?

    I’d say I’m single now. And honestly? It’s been more refreshing than I expected.

    When did you first find yourself on the streets, and what kicked things off?

    I’ve kind of always been on the streets. In secondary school, I had those cute long-distance relationships — the type that were more vibes than anything serious. When I got into uni, things stayed the same. There were brief talking stages here and there, but nothing too deep. 

    That was until I got into a “real” relationship. Or at least, I thought I did. Looking back, I was probably still on the streets even then. Because I was more or less the only one in that relationship with *Saviour.

    What were those early days of dating like? 

    They were very dreamy. Saviour lived alone outside of school, while I had a roommate in school. He would visit me from time to time, but we mostly spent time together at his place.  

    He was funny, intentional, and for the first time, I felt like someone really saw me. He’d point out things about myself I never even noticed, in a good way. We started dating in 2020. I fell hard.

    So what changed?

    He was the best guy — until he wasn’t. I can’t say exactly when the shift happened, but I remember he started talking a lot about “self-improvement.” Then out of nowhere, he broke up with me to “focus on himself.

    He swore that was the reason, but I couldn’t help feeling like I was the real issue. Maybe after the first year of dating, I didn’t measure up to whatever standard he had set for himself. That breakup was the start of a very messy ride.

    How messy are we talking?

    The breakup happened during a school break, but we stayed in touch. When school resumed, I kept going over to his place, and we kept having sex. Constantly.

    It became this toxic loop of me having sex with my ex, someone I still had feelings for. It was obsessive, in a way. Even though I pretended not to see it, I knew he was using me. I was merely convenient. No relationship, or expectations — just someone to cook for him and sleep with him. He knew I still loved him, and he used that to his advantage.                 

    So you stayed without the label. Did anything happen during that time that caught you off guard?

    Oh, Saviour gave me an STI. This was some months into our “arrangement”. I didn’t want to believe he was sleeping with other people, but who else could it have been? I told him over the phone and blocked him.

    That really hurt me. But around that time, I’d also started talking to this guy, *Rahman. He was the opposite of Saviour, always in my corner and texting to check up on me. 

    We were meant to be just friends and nothing more, so I thought, “Why not?” But the first day we finally met in person, we had sex.

    It happens. So you were done with Saviour? 

    [Laughs] I wish. It wasn’t supposed to happen with Rahman — I was still unsure of everything. And then Saviour messaged me again on Snapchat. I hadn’t blocked him there. We started talking again. He came to see me. And just like that, the cycle continued. 

    Why did you continue choosing to go back to him?

    At the time, it didn’t even feel like I was “going back” to him. In my head, I thought I was trying to fix what we had. Saviour was my first real love, and I felt so deeply vulnerable with him. 

    He’d seen parts of me no one else had. I thought if I just held on long enough, we could go back to how things were. But he leveraged that. The final breakup happened a couple of months later, in 2022. 

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    What finally led to it?   

    It was after one particularly sweet night. We had amazing sex, and in the morning, he woke me up to do it again. But I noticed something felt off. It was unusually aggressive. He didn’t smile or say a word. He just got up and went to the shower.  

    When I tried to ask him what was wrong, he got annoyed. He said a lot of hurtful things, but what broke me was when he said I should stop acting like we’re still together when we’re not.

    I was floored. I was starting to tear up when he told me to leave his place. I gathered what remained of my dignity, got dressed and left. I walked straight to the road and kept my eyes ahead so I wouldn’t cry. By the time I got back to my hostel, I collapsed on my bed and wept. My roommate just held me while I cried myself to sleep. That was when I finally let him go.

    That must’ve been hard. Did you try connecting with anyone else?

    I did. After a while, I started talking to a guy I liked. But then I found out he lied about his age. He was some years younger and still a student. I was already done with school at the time. 

    The age wasn’t even the problem. It was the lie, and the fact that he clearly wasn’t ready for a relationship. He was just looking for a fling, and I wasn’t about to leave a good situationship for him.

    Situationship? When did that happen?

    Yeah, that was with Rahman. I got close to him when I needed a rebound from my good-for-nothing ex. He liked me more than I liked him, and honestly, that gave me a sense of control. I figured he couldn’t hurt me the way Saviour did, because I didn’t have feelings for him.

    Rahman knew a little about what happened with Saviour. We were honest about where we stood and agreed a relationship wouldn’t work. It was supposed to be a short-term fling, but somehow, it stretched into two years.

    Eventually, It stopped being about Saviour. Rahman and I just got comfortable. We still link up from time to time, but I wouldn’t call it anything serious.

    Two years is a long time. Why did you keep it that way?

    There are several reasons Rahman and I could never be more. First, there’s religion. His family is staunchly Muslim, and I’m Catholic. I’ve always seen relationships as something that should have a clear end goal, and that was never going to work between us. 

    But beyond that, I felt in control with Rahman, and that mattered. After what happened with Saviour, I couldn’t afford to feel that vulnerable again. I wasn’t sure I could survive another heartbreak, so keeping things undefined felt safer.

    I understand. What’s the hardest part about trying to find love (or even just companionship) these days?

    Knowing who’s genuine and who’s not. I gave my whole heart to someone and never got closure. That kind of hurt changes you. 

    Have you ever thought, “Maybe I should leave the streets?” 

    Yes. Seeing people in stable and loving relationships sometimes makes you want that, too. It’s what I want in the long-term future, but not for now. I’m still very skeptical about relationships. I just can’t trust easily anymore.  It’s just easier to stay this way for the time being.

    What are the little things that still give you hope about dating?

    I’m still a lover girl, deep down. I like to believe you experience people differently. So just because it didn’t work before doesn’t mean it won’t work someday. I’ve also realised I like companionship, so it’ll eventually happen.

    How has your time on the streets changed what you want from love or partnership?

    It’s taught me to look beyond a person’s words and pay attention to actions. I want something honest. I’m not asking for a perfect love story, just one that’s real. If it’s not, then I’m more than willing to walk away first.

    Finally, how are the streets treating you these days? Give it a rating on a scale of 1-10

    Not bad, to be honest. I’ll give it a solid 6. Mostly because I have good friends who help me through it all. I don’t feel lonely since I have them, and we spend a lot of time together.

    Read Next: 5 Nigerians on the Craziest Thing They’ve Done to Win Back an Ex

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  • In the latest episode of Showmax’s The Buzz, host Toke Makinwa brought her signature baby girl vibe while serving all the juicy scoop from Biggie’s house over the weekend – From the fights to the wildest moments to the Saturday night party and the love triangles.

    Toke’s first guest on the episode was Femi Daniel, a TV presenter and Content Creator. He joined her to unpack all that went down over the weekend, from the frenzy of Friday jacuzzi night to the Saturday night party. According to Femi, the moment he saw Gordons, he remembered the last season’s party, and as expected, the housemates started acting differently after the party.

    The situationships in the house…

    Femi gave us more insights into the situationships in the house. According to him, Cross likes Maria, and she wants him too.  But there is a “bro code” between him and Pere, so he won’t pursue her. For Liquorose, Toke and Femi agreed that once she takes alcohol, her emotions are always heightened. Still, they believe she’s coming on too strong and trying to force Emmanuel into a relationship.

    To unpack the erotic confessions and some aggressive seductions in the house, Toke and Femi were joined by Content Creator extraordinaire, Tosin Ajibade of Olorisupergal. Toke began by saying that there are no official couples this season, which is sad, seeing that they are already three weeks into the game. According to Tosin, Maria and Pere like each other but do not want people to know they like each other. The group also spoke about Maria and Pere taking a shower together, and Maria later saying she did that because they are just best friends. 

    And even more ships…

    Toke and the group also had an interesting conversation about how Jay Paul and Arin are building something but aren’t quite there yet. They also dissected Jackie B and Boma’s situationship, talking about Jackie B giving Boma a forehead kiss which in their opinion meant she adored him. They also spoke about how Boma initially had a thing for Angel until she told her story to the house. They concluded that they both have strong personalities and called them the Mummy and Daddy of the house.

    Gbas Gbos…

    To give us the breakdown of all the tempers rising in the house and all the emotions flying in the air, They were joined by the Senator, Comedian and Actor Bethel Njoku. To start, they spoke about the Angel, Liquourose and Maria situation. Senator said it was just girls being girls. He went further to describe Liquorose as a private jet that talks without really weighing the consequences. 

    Speaking about the heated argument between Boma and Angel, they all agreed that Boma went too far. According to Femi, if Jackie B saw that fight, she wouldn’t have given him the forehead kiss. 

    Secret diary session

    We also saw clips of the housemate’s secret diary sessions, where Big Brother allowed the housemates to rant about any and everything, and some of the juiciest details were revealed here. Arin revealed that she kissed Cross and went on to sleep in Jay Paul’s bed. Cross said that he’s starting to like SasKay a lot, and Saga also opened up about his crazy emotions for Nini. Peace says no one has swept her off her feet yet, and Pere complained about using the same bathroom as everybody. 

    To close the show, Toke and the guests spoke about the evictions. They weren’t surprised about Yerins, but they were shocked about Beatrice and surprised that Yousef scaled through. According to them, Yousef played a better game than Beatrice. They also love the new housemates and can’t wait for all the drama that will come from them.

    The Buzz is the home of all the spicy gist that goes on in the BBNaija house. A brand new episode will premiere on Saturday, August 14, 2021, at 7 pm. Toke will reveal more from the secret diary sessions, have superstar guests and discuss the most significant moments from this week’s show. 

    The Buzz is exclusive to Showmax and airs on Tuesdays and Saturdays. Download the Showmax app on your iOS or Android device to stay updated on the drama from the BBNaija ‘Shine Ya Eye’ edition if you’re in the UK or anywhere across Africa.

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