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You can choose your partner, but how much power do you really have over who else your heart — or body — pays attention to? For some people, the most awkward plot twist isn’t cheating with a stranger or an ex. It’s developing feelings for someone dangerously close, like their partner’s family.

In this story, five people share how an unexpected attraction pulled them into the mess of wanting the one person they knew they shouldn’t.

I started having vivid, sexual dreams about my sister- in- law” — Daramola*, 41

Before his wife lost the battle to cancer, Daramola*’s sister-in-law stepped in to assist. But grief quickly gave way to when he started to see her differently.

“When doctors diagnosed my wife with late-stage uterine cancer, she asked her younger sister to move in and help with the kids. I spent most of my time in the hospital and couldn’t handle things at home alone.

After my wife passed, her sister stayed on to care for our two young children while I mourned. At first, I felt grateful to have her around. She was helpful, respectful, and the kids were attached to her.

But a few months later, I noticed she’d started dressing differently around the house— bum shorts, see-through clothes. I felt uncomfortable, especially as a pastor. But the children needed her, and she hadn’t found a job yet, so I kept quiet. That silence was a mistake.

Before long, I started having vivid, sexual dreams about her. I never said or did anything inappropriate, but the dreams often left me ashamed.

I eventually told my mother-in-law what had been happening, hoping she’d speak to her daughter. To my shock, she brushed it off. She said in their culture, it wouldn’t be strange for me to marry my late wife’s sister.

That was a huge betrayal to me. How would my children interpret it years from now? I knew I had to act fast. I hired a nanny and asked Esther to move out. Her family didn’t take it well, but I have no regrets. If you ever find yourself in that kind of grey area, attack it immediately.”

“I used my boyfriend to get closer to his brother” — Fatima*, 21

For Fatima*, her plans to use one brother to get the other became a traumatic experience, which backfired.

“It started in SS1. I had a huge crush on this popular senior whom everyone liked. He was handsome, brilliant and always surrounded by girls. I wanted him to notice me, but instead of approaching him directly, I started dating his younger brother, Lolu*. I didn’t even like Lolu, I just wanted to get close to his brother, Farouq*.

We all attended the same boarding school, and Farouq used to tutor Lolu after prep. I’d always sit with them, acting like I was just there to support my boyfriend. But truthfully, I lived for those moments with Farouq.

One day, I got bold enough to write him a note confessing how I felt. He replied that he liked me too and asked me to meet him privately. I knew it was wrong, but I went. I also gave him oral sex that day, thinking it would make him like me. But I was wrong.

The following week, both he and Lolu stopped talking to me. Then the rumours started. Farouq told people we had sex (which wasn’t true), and everyone started calling me names. I was labelled an ashewo. The shame became unbearable, and I eventually had to change schools. It’s been years, but that experience scarred me in ways I’m still trying to process.”

“He felt like an upgraded version of my husband” — Helen*, 32

What do you do when your husband’s older brother feels like the man you should have married? Helen* found herself in this tough spot.

“I married my best friend, Moses*. We grew up as family friends, so getting married felt like a natural next step. He’s the youngest of three, and I hadn’t seen his eldest brother, Elija*, since primary school. He’d always been away and later moved to South Africa.

We reconnected just before the wedding, and I couldn’t believe how attractive he’d become. He was like a more confident, upgraded version of Moses. It threw me off. I told myself it was just pre-wedding nerves and excitement, that once he left again, things would go back to normal.

Elijah returned to South Africa after the wedding, and for three years, I genuinely forgot about all those feelings. But he moved back after a divorce, and started visiting us often. That was when I noticed how his eye contact and touches lingered.

One night, while Moses was away on a work trip, Elijah and I made out. I think it happened because both felt vulnerable. He had just lost his marriage, and I was dealing with infertility.

We told ourselves it was a mistake, but we kissed and touched a few more times over the next year. We never had sex, but crossed enough lines to leave me feeling like I was betraying my marriage.

He eventually left for South Africa again, but we kept texting and even exchanged nudes at some point. But the guilt became unbearable, and Elijah’s lack of remorse made me sick. I told him to stop texting, and for the most part, we haven’t spoken in the past year. There’ve been relapses, but I’ve mostly stuck to my decision.”

“When it comes to raw attraction, it’s her cousin who has my attention” — Jay*, 26

Jay is emotionally committed to his girlfriend but physically drawn to someone else in her house, and it’s tearing him up inside.

“I started dating Precious* earlier this year. She’s sweet, soft-spoken, and everything you’d expect from a typical good girl. She lives with her cousin, Regina*, who’s the complete opposite. She’s a loud and wild alte babe.

They’re close, but Precious complains about her a lot — how she smokes and has weird kinks. But the more she talks, the more intrigued I become. Regina’s openness about her sexuality is so hot in a way I can’t explain.

Now, I think about her more than I should. Even when I’m with Precious, my mind drifts. I imagine being with her cousin, even just once.

I love talking to Precious. She gets me emotionally, and we’re compatible in every other way. But when it comes to raw attraction, Regina has my attention. Maybe if I just slept with her once, I’d get over the obsession.”

“I’m marrying one twin, but I can’t stop thinking about the other” — Iyanu*, 28

Iyanu* can’t explain the intense pull she feels towards her fiancé’s twin. It’s become a secret that affects their dynamic.

“Ever since my fiancé, Taiwo*, introduced me to his family, I’ve felt unsettled — and not for any obvious reason. It started the moment I met his twin, Kenny*. From the very first hello, I felt something intense. It’s not even lust, just this weird magnetic pull. And that’s what scares me the most.

They’re not even identical, so it’s not about physical confusion. Kenny showed up to that first meeting with his girlfriend, and yet, all I could focus on was how strongly I felt around him. I went home that day and Googled, ‘Is it normal to be attracted to your fiancé’s twin?’ I found a few random posts that said it happens sometimes, but this still feels abnormal.

Now, every time we all hang out, I overanalyse Kenny’s words and actions, wondering if he feels it too, or if I’m imagining things. I’ve never acted on it, and I don’t plan to. But I hate that this is even a thing. I love Taiwo and I want to be with him.

I guess I haven’t hidden the awkwardness well because Taiwo recently said Kenny feels I don’t like him. He said he’s noticed it too. I found it funny, if only they knew the truth.”

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I was talking to someone last week when the topic of sibling violence came up. It got me thinking about people whose parents gave their older siblings the power to discipline them— and how that played out. In this story, Tomiwa*(33) opens up about how her sisters’ bullying and abuse of authority have strained their relationship beyond repair.

As Told To Betty:

I have two older sisters.

They’re 14 and 11 years older than me, and so my parents gave them full permission to discipline or punish me when they weren’t around because they were older and “knew better”. From as early as four years old, I hated being left alone with them because it always ended in beatings for the littlest thing. If they weren’t hitting me, they’d be verbally abusive, saying the worst things about my body and how I look.

Though childhood memories are a bit foggy, I clearly remember them making fun of the shape of my nose and how dark my skin was. I became hyper-aware of my features from a young age because of them.

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Fast forward to 2011 when I was 19, the pattern still hadn’t changed. That year, I visited my eldest sister for Christmas — the first time I’d ever spent the holidays in her home. Not long after I arrived, she asked me to switch on the water pump. She described it as a grey box with a black lever, but all the flats in her apartment building had identical pumps, so I was confused. When I tried to explain my confusion and ask for help, she slapped me instead.

By 2012, she had settled down and had a baby boy. So, I paid her another visit. One day, while babysitting him, I looked away for a minute, and before I knew it, he had gotten into his wipes and pulled them out of the container. I arranged them back neatly, but I couldn’t find the lid. When she found out, she insulted me viciously, calling me fat and lazy. I still don’t understand what my weight had to do with a missing wipe cover, but this was how she was. She body-shamed me so often that I started wearing a waist trainer at 20. I became desperate for her approval. Whenever I lost even a little weight, I’d run to tell my sister, hoping for some sort of validation, but I never got it. This went on for years.

My other sister wasn’t any different. She was equally as troublesome. I remember a time when she went through my phone without permission. The minute she found out that I was sexually active, she went straight to my mother to report me. , I was livid. I knew she only wanted to get me in trouble, and she succeeded.

When it was time to apply for my master’s, I deliberately chose Europe instead of Canada because I didn’t want my parents convincing me to live with either one of them. I needed distance, and it was only after I moved that I knew peace and finally felt free of their constant judgement and criticisms.

I haven’t spoken to my eldest sister in almost three years and I don’t really have a relationship with the other one either. I just couldn’t keep up with the verbal abuse and their belief that they had the right to hit me anytime they felt I had done something wrong.

My parents have tried to get us to reconcile, but I don’t feel like I have space for them in my life anymore. Over the years, I’ve replaced them with friends who actually make me feel safe. At some point, my dad would call and badger me about reaching out to them, but I started avoiding his calls, too. Now, my parents know that if they want to keep me in their lives, they can’t bring up my sisters.

I didn’t come out of that experience unscathed. I realised early on that I don’t rely on my family for emotional support. Whenever my sisters beat me as a child, nobody ever asked, “What happened?” it was always, “What did you do?” That kind of upbringing conditions you to bottle everything inside. I’ve had to unlearn that with my friends, but when it comes to my sisters, I don’t see us ever having that kind of closeness. That ship has sailed.

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