If your Nigerian mother has not said one of the following to you, is she really Nigerian?

1) “Do you have another mother?”

Favorite weapon.

2) “I carried you for nine months.”

Best used to garner sympathy from an audience.

3) “When I’m gone, you’ll miss me.”

General market line. Followed by “you don’t appreciate me,” “you don’t know my worth.”

4) “No one can love you like me.”

I’m sorry for moving out of the house, mummy.

5) “Your children will do the same to you.”

Usually accompanied by small tears, and/or solemn display.

6) “You want to kill me.”

Best used in front of your dad to gather sympathy.

7) “You want to beat me.”

This line comes out when you talk back or counter a point. Also used when reporting to your father: “Today, your child wanted to beat me. Can you imagine?”

8) “So, you won’t eat the food I spent all night cooking?”

Ahan.

9) “Do you even love your own mother?”

Mummy, please, I’m sorry. My phone was on silent and that’s why I missed your call. I love you oh.