If you have ever gone to the market to price meat before then you’ll be able to relate to this post.
Here are a list of lies meat sellers think they are deceiving us with.
1) “This one is not bone.”
It is definitely bone.
2) “This one is biscuit bone.”
It is still bone.
3) “Meat don cost.”
Year in, year out. Meat has never been cheap.
4) “You get aroro.”
This is their go to statement when they’re trying to finesse you. Price the life out of that meat, kings and queens.
5) “Add something ontop let me just sell.”
Aka vibes.
6) ‘Walahi, I can’t cheat you.”
More vibes.
7) Their first asking price is a lie.
You: How much?
Meat seller: Bring 4k
You: How much last?
Meat seller: How much you wan pay?
8) ‘You want to send me back to my village.”
Lies.
9) “You’ll eat this meat into next month.”
Meat that will finish after four days.
10) “Customer, you have cheated me.”
More and more lies.
You deserve the good things in life like Sallah meat, so we want you to get the most out of it. The thing about enjoying Sallah as a non-Muslim is that you need a strategy and a plan and we are here to help you figure that out.
The first thing you need to do is make a list of all your Muslim friends and wish them happy Sallah.
Don’t forget to ask what time you should come around for your Sallah meat.
When you are done making your calls, make a list of all the sure places you are going to get Sallah meat.
After making a list you now have to map out your waka. If you are getting Sallah meat from two places in Ikeja and one place in VI, you can’t go to Ikeja, then V.I, then come back to Ikeja again.
Set out all your nylons and plastic packs tonight.
You are going to set out early in the morning, so you won’t have time to be looking for nylon.
Go early so you can help the people you are collecting meat from arrange chair and table.
If they notice you, you’ll get extra meat.
Don’t wear anything too tight you have to dress up like you are ready to die on the line.
You want to eat Sallah rice but you are wearing high waisted jeans. You are obviously not ready for life.
Don’t waste time in one place, collect all the meat you can and keep it moving.
The more places you hit, the more meat for you.
Don’t be disrespectful and show up at anyone’s house before they came back from prayers.
Please remember your home training.
Buy flagyl down because you will know you won Sallah when you spend the next day sitting over the toilet seat.
If anything must kill man, let it be enjoyment – Albert Einstein, 2018
Avoid soft drinks through out the day until you are ready to retire for the day.
The only thing you want filling your stomach up is Sallah meat and firewood Jollof.
Don’t venture out alone, assemble a crew of two or three people.
The more the merrier.
If you are stopping by a stranger’s house, then greet them properly don’t just enter the house and start looking for Sallah meat like you don’t have home training.
“Salam Aleikum, Happy Sallah”
If you have any other tips to help us collect plenty Sallah meat, please share don’t let us dull.
On Thursday, we all couldn’t wait for the day to be over, because fasting had come to an end and we were finally going to get that short holiday we deserve.
If you didn’t go home this excited, then I don’t know
There are the ones who slept from the time they got home till the day they resumed work. Almost all of us fall under this category.
Ha! This sleep will be tired of me today
The ones who didn’t get any sleep because they wanted to use enjoyment to kill themselves.
Please I just have to turn up with my guys
The ones who made plans to turn up all week but ended up spending the whole weekend at home.
Because if you stay at home, you don’t spend money.
Let’s not forget the ones who left their house to look for ramadan meat.
But realised this isn’t that season. Tragic.
This is the time we know those who can complete 15 series in one day.
” Me and this movies will die on the line today “
There’s also those people who were on their phone all weekend, watching the people who went to turn up on instagram.
“I should have just gone out oh “
The workaholics who continued to work from home.
Oga you better don’t kill yourself
The ones who just watched nothing but the World Cup every day.
What a sweet match
The ones who were just on their phones doing absolutely nothing.
” where’s my phone? oh it’s in my hand “
Finally, there’s the people who can’t relate to any one of these so far.
