The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad. 

Lola Genesis (25) moved to Canada in 2016 to study. Over time, being far from home made it harder to stay close to her family. In this story, she talks about how missing big moments like weddings and funerals has made her feel like a stranger when she visits Nigeria.

Where do you currently live, and when did you leave Nigeria?

I live in Canada, and I left Nigeria in 2016.

What inspired you to leave? 

My parents. They never wanted me to go to university in Nigeria. Right from when I was young, I always knew that when I was ready for university, I would leave the country.

What did you study?

I studied Law, but I actually do a lot of things.

Really? What are some of these things?

I currently work in real estate law, but I’m also a social event planner and create fashion, beauty, and lifestyle content.

Wow! Those are a lot of hats you’re wearing. How do you manage it all?

It’s been stressful. I actually just finished university very recently, so I had been juggling all of them simultaneously. I just try to pace myself and rest when I’m exhausted.

Congrats on graduating. How does your life in Canada compare to your life in Nigeria?

I feel like in Nigeria, a lot of things are not easily accessible. Things just aren’t as easy as they are here.

I’m convinced that structure is the main issue with Nigeria. For instance, with security, when something happens here, the police are much quicker to respond. In terms of transportation, commuting is much easier. There’s access to much better healthcare.

I could list a long list of things Nigeria lacks. They might seem like small inconveniences in isolation, but they eventually add up and make it a much better experience.

I grew up in Lagos, and my goodness, Lagos traffic is absolutely insane. Even when I returned for the first time in 2023, I expected it would have improved, but it was actually worse. Jesus.

Oh! You’ve been back?

Yes. I came back in 2023 for Detty December.

How was that?

It was a mix of good and bad.

It was good in the sense that Nigeria is home. It felt so lovely to be back home with family and friends. But I also felt out of place because I had been away for such a long time.

Also, I was in traffic for seven hours at a stretch, and I said, “Oh, this is why I don’t like coming home.”

Should we expect you back in the future?

Oh my God, yes. I’ll be coming back for more Detty Decembers. So, I’m preparing my mind for the traffic.

Awesome. You mentioned feeling out of place. Tell me about that.

Okay. So, being an immigrant in Canada, you can’t really leave until you’re settled with papers or at least have a work visa. So I couldn’t leave the country for the first few years.

I lost my grandfather in 2018, but I knew that if I went back home, there was a possibility that I wouldn’t be let  back into the country. So I missed his burial, and it was very sad to see everybody back home and not be able to be a part of that because of what life had dealt me.

It happened again recently. I lost my aunt, who I was really close to. She practically raised me. I’m Canadian now, but the issue this time was that I could not get time off. The structure here is lovely most of the time, but sometimes it can also suck because there are fixed ways things have to be done.

So, I did not get to pay my last respects to two people who were very important to me.

I’m sorry for your losses.

It’s not just grieving. It’s happier events too, like weddings, naming ceremonies, I’ve missed them all.

That’s why I felt so out of place when I went back home, because it felt like everybody had moved on.

It felt like I was missing huge pieces of a puzzle, like connections were no longer there. 

People have moved on in their lives, married, and had kids. I came back and was trying to reconnect with people who were about sixteen years old the last time I saw them. It felt like meeting strangers.

Was there anyone specific who made you feel this way?

My cousins. We were pretty close before I left but when I visited in 2023, things felt very different. I felt closer to the friends I came back with from Canada than to people who are my actual family.

I mean, I know you have to make an effort to stay connected, but life happens. It just felt a certain way. I still tried to bridge the gap with small talk, but there was always this awkwardness.

How would you describe your community in Canada? What’s your support system like?

I met the majority of my friends when I first arrived in Canada in 2016. We are a bunch of Africans and African Caribbeans who met through church or school but we all came together and became this huge community. They are really lovely.

We’ve celebrated weddings, baby showers, supported each other through loss, and so much more. I feel like they are my family here. It has been really amazing.

When you move to a different country, you’ll always feel lonely. So it’s a great thing to find people you can call on whenever you feel alone or when you just feel the need to talk to somebody. So, yeah, they are my family now.

Does Canada feel like home now?

It started to feel like home about two years ago. For a long time, I always had it at the back of my mind that this was temporary and that I would go back to Nigeria.

But now it has been almost ten years, and it’s starting to feel like home. I have friends and some family here. Slowly but surely, I’ve started to look at it as more permanent.

So you’re staying in Canada for the long term?

I don’t think Canada is a final destination for me. I’m open to migrating to other places and seeing what the world and life has in store for me. I have a trip to Mexico planned. I’ve been to the US, the Netherlands, and I was raised partly in England, so I always go back from time to time.

Now that I’ve graduated, I am planning to get a Master’s degree, and I would actually love to do that in a different country. So I’m looking forward to leaving Canada very soon. I’m excited about that. I don’t know what that’s going to be like, but I’m open and willing.

I want to explore the world more. I want to travel to a different country for my Master’s, and maybe, in the next couple of years, I will eventually settle down with marriage.

How does dating in Canada compare to dating in Nigeria?

Dating in Canada really boils down to having a community. Many people I know who are married now met their spouses through friends or church. I haven’t seen people meet any other way.

I feel like having that community helps because somebody knows somebody who knows somebody, and then the next thing is you meet each other, and if you like each other, then the rest is history.

I always tell people: if you want to have a community here, just find yourself a Nigerian church. They are very welcoming. You will definitely make friends, and from there it just goes on.

What’s your favourite part about living in Canada? And what’s your least favourite part?

My favourite part is just how much easier things are here. I also like the culture in terms of how we relate with authority. For instance, in school, I could always stand up for myself and talk to the authorities if I felt something was wrong, without fearing backlash.

I would say my least favourite thing has to be winter. The area I live in has one of the worst winters in Canada. That’s not a fun thing to look forward to at all. It’s terrible.

How happy would you say you are on a scale of one to ten, and why?

I would definitely say an eight.

I think I have achieved a lot of things. Yeah, everything is pretty good for me. What would make it better? I don’t know. I think what’s left is just me wanting to explore more of the world.

Do you want to share your Abroad Life story? Please reach out to me here. For new episodes of Abroad Life, check in every Friday at 12 PM (WAT).

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