Doctors | Page 2 of 2

“Excuse me nurse please where is the Doctor?”

You are looking at her.
“You want to specialize? When you haven’t found husband?”

Who husband epp?
“Aunty please help us call the main Doctor”

Please explain yourself
“Small girl like you, so you mean you are a doctor?”

Who are you calling small girl?
“Aunty Doctor, Aunty nurse”

It’s just Doctor, please
“Ehn I know you are not a nurse just help me call the male Doctor”

The level of disrespect
“Eh nurse wait stop talking let me talk to the main Doctor”

I’m confused he’s a medical student
“I’m not saying you don’t know your work o, just help me call your oga”

Look at me I’m the oga here
“You are a doctor? Your husband is trying o, hope you have time for him”
Is that what we are here for?
“You mean you are a doctor doctor? And you are a woman?”

And so what?
“Sister but you are too fine to be a doctor now”

Better face your front
1. When you are rolling in pain and they are busy asking you questions calmly as if you are not about to die.

2. When the doctor is smiling at you like a predator so you know your life for the next few days is ruined and stinky.

3. When they say your problem is a “minor issue” but their bill is still a major headache!

4. When they bring out a big axe after telling you “it’s just a small injection”.

5. When they don’t warn you about the terrible taste of some medicines when they ask you to take them.

6. When they introduce you to some human beings that are meant to be nurses but they behave like witches.

7. When they say “small surgery” as if such a thing exists.

8. When they start asking you about next of kin so now you know they are colluding to kill you.

9. When you feel better and want to thank your God in peace but the doctor starts looking at you somehow.
1. When a Nollywood doctor hears that a patient doesn’t have money.

Bye!
2. Nollywood doctors and sleeping with nurses.

In. Every. Movie.
3. When they only check the patient’s temperature and diagnose them with HIV.

Oshey, Doctor Abracadabra!
4. “We’ve run all the tests and we can’t seem to find the problem.”

How will you find it with only stethoscope?
5. When they suggest that the patient goes to see a babalawo.

Just like that? Not even another doctor?
6. When the patient comes in with a broken hand and ends up with a bandaged leg.

Na wa.
7. When they go everywhere with a stethoscope around their neck, just in case we forget their profession.

We know you’re a doctor, biko.
8. When every patient they treat ends up in a coma.

Shouldn’t we be worried?
9. When their answer to everything is “we need to perform a surgery”

Even for malaria.
10. Whenever the patient sees their final bill.

Kill them oh!
11. When they start saying “we tried all we could…”

Na so.
12. How they announce that someone has died:

Wow!

“Excuse me nurse please where is the Doctor?”

“You want to specialize? When you haven’t found husband?”

“Aunty please help us call the main Doctor”

“Small girl like you, so you mean you are a doctor?”

“Aunty Doctor, Aunty nurse”

“Ehn I know you are not a nurse just help me call the male Doctor”

“Eh nurse wait stop talking let me talk to the main Doctor”

“I’m not saying you don’t know your work o, just help me call your oga”

“You are a doctor? Your husband is trying o, hope you have time for him”

“You mean you are a doctor doctor? And you are a woman?”

“Sister but you are too fine to be a doctor now”

1. When you are rolling in pain and they are busy asking you questions calmly as if you are not about to die.

2. When the doctor is smiling at you like a predator so you know your life for the next few days is ruined and stinky.

3. When they say your problem is a “minor issue” but their bill is still a major headache!

4. When they bring out a big axe after telling you “it’s just a small injection”.

5. When they don’t warn you about the terrible taste of some medicines when they ask you to take them.

6. When they introduce you to some human beings that are meant to be nurses but they behave like witches.

7. When they say “small surgery” as if such a thing exists.

8. When they start asking you about next of kin so now you know they are colluding to kill you.

9. When you feel better and want to thank your God in peace but the doctor starts looking at you somehow.

1. When a Nollywood doctor hears that a patient doesn’t have money.

2. Nollywood doctors and sleeping with nurses.

3. When they only check the patient’s temperature and diagnose them with HIV.

4. “We’ve run all the tests and we can’t seem to find the problem.”

5. When they suggest that the patient goes to see a babalawo.

6. When the patient comes in with a broken hand and ends up with a bandaged leg.

7. When they go everywhere with a stethoscope around their neck, just in case we forget their profession.

8. When every patient they treat ends up in a coma.

9. When their answer to everything is “we need to perform a surgery”

10. Whenever the patient sees their final bill.

11. When they start saying “we tried all we could…”

12. How they announce that someone has died: