I fell in love with one small rascal in my class, Ladi.
My boo!
Ladi was the class sweetheart. All the girls in our class were chasing him like:
Greedy girls oh! All of them!
But I was the smartest, cutest, most beautiful, amazing little girl in primary 2.
Most fabulous!
So I told him he was my boyfriend by force and he agreed.
“We must be together!”
We used to share our snacks during break time.
Every single day!
When it was time to play games we would partner with each other.
Of course, before another girl will start playing with him oh!
And we used to sit beside each other during art class.
Picasso and Van Gogh!
We were very happy.
Very very happy!
But then I was sick and had to stay at home for a few days.
A serious case of cough and cold.
When I came back from my sick bed I was in for a shock!
Hmm! You people come and see something!
Ladi my true love, was sharing his ribena and biscuit with my best friend Ireti!
Betrayers!
I couldn’t focus when we were doing multiplication.
Who can multiply when their heart is broken?
When we were doing comprehension and composition I was still in shock.
How could they do that to me?
For 3 days I could not watch cartoons or play outside.
I was just thinking about my life!
But then two Saturdays after, at a birthday party, I won the dancing competition and Ireti was crying because she lost so I was happy!
I am still the queen!
1. Richard Mofe-Damijo
We have crushed on him from the days of Diamond Ring till date. He has managed to remain hot and everyone’s MCM for days!
2. Junior and Pretty
They blessed us with Bolanle and other awesome Nigerian hip-hop style jams in the 90s. The way these men rocked their braided hair at that time, were just goals.
3. Onyeka Onwenu
When she wasn’t being a brilliant actress, she was moving Nigerians with her awesome voice. Her signature low-cut hairstyle just made her look too perfect.
4. Genevieve
She has refused to age and still looks as gorgeous as we can remember. We’re sure you watched movies just to see her pretty face in motion.
5. Daniel Wilson
His haircut, voice and bad boy style were just everything. His Mr Raggamuffin song won hearts and just placed him in the crush zone.
6. Plantashun boiz
Teenagers love boy bands and these guys were the ultimate Nigerian boy band. They had the perfect mix of the cute (Tuface), the one with the best voice (Faze) and the total bad boy (Black Face).
7. Shan George
She blessed Nigerians with her awesome acting and skin like “flawless milk”. To top things, she was the mummy in that Procold ad we all love so much.
8. Saint Obi
When Nollywood started making action movies, this man starred as the protagonist in many of the movies. We all know how people love protagonists and he played the roles too well.
9. Liz Benson
She has always been gorgeous and flawless in her acting of course. Even when she played the evil ghost in Diamond ring, she still managed to be too beautiful.
10. Agbani Darego
Who else deserves a spot on this list than the first African Miss World, Agbani Darego? She will always be the ultimate Nigerian crush with her chocolate skin and flawless smile.
11. Resonance
See, she just sang about God in the softest voice ever. People went to learn Igbo because of her. We wonder where she is now though.
12. Omotola Jalade-Ekeinde
One of the hottest Nigerian celebrities of past and present. Even after having her babies, she still managed to keep that hot bod.
13. Ramsey Nouah
He was the ultimate Nigerian teenage crush. His usual onscreen romance with Genevieve was relationship goals of the early 2000s.
14. Jay-Jay Okocha
Simply because he was a beast on the pitch. He knew just how to dribble opponents and he defined rebel when he started rocking his cornrows.
Could it be? Maybe it is? Maybe he is…? There are so many perceptions about ladies being friend-zoned, here are some clear signs that will show you you are being drafted in that zone.
1. When your crush finally says “we should hang out”.
Making you feel he’s about to propose.
2. And while at it he says “You’re so nice”.
Nice? Do you mean nice enough to be your girlfriend?
3. Then he keeps inviting you to social gatherings… With his friends.
But you never go out alone together.
4. When he tries to introduce you as his new best friend.
Brother…this was not the perception or plan.
5. So you start throwing heavy hints.
I just thought to make you breakfast as your friend.
6. But he is acting “brand new”.
Please open your eyes.
7. When he tells you his girl problems.
Wait so I am not the only one?
8. And goes on to give you dating advice.
What are you doing?
9. So you push further with the hints.
Just thought to get you a gift.
10. And he says “I am not ready for commitment”.
Oh no. What have I done?
11. “I don’t want to ruin our friendship”
*cries in salt poured on an open wound*
12. So things get awkward super fast.
Everything has been ruined.
13. And the texts are now like…
Wow, what is life? Must be bad network.
14. And you start getting “Let me call you right back”.
Why is this happening to me?
15. And finally you understand.
That you have been awarded a seat, in the Friend-zone.
1. When you hear your crush has broken up with their bae.
God has answered my prayers!
2. When you see them with someone else.
Wait. What of me?!
3. When you hear you crush got back together with their bae.
Why, God?! Why?!
4. When the person you’re crushing on says ‘your friend is cute’.
Kai! See my life!
5. When your crush makes a joke.
Don’t judge me. It was funny.
6. When you subtweet your crush and the wrong person catches it and DMs you.
Who said you could talk to me?
7. When the crush of your life curves you…
Don’t wake me up.
8. When they say they’re crushing on someone else.
Is this how death feels?
9. When you tweet and your crush faves it.
The rest of you. Your opinions are irrelevant.
10. When you’re stalking them on instagram and you accidentally like a picture from 2012.
I have made a terrible mistake.
11. When your crush laughs at your jokes.
Excuse me please. I’m no longer single.
12. When you do something embarrassing in front of them.
I will never recover.
13. When you think they’re flirting with you, but you realize they’re that way with everyone.
Wow. Just wow.
14. When you text your crush and they leave you on ‘R’.
I’m not even bothered.
15. When your friend wants to make a move on the person of your dreams.
Abi this one is mad ni?
16. When your crush is calling, but your boy/girlfriend won’t stop talking to you.
Please shift. Don’t block destiny.
17. When you finally meet your crush and they are not at all what you expect.
