Car | Page 2 of 2

1. When he finally scrapes enough money to buy the latest Mercedes.

Because he has arrived!
2. When he sees the keys to his old Peugeot, he’s like.

Levels don change!
3. How he ‘examines’ the car every 10 seconds.

‘I just want to check the engine’.
4. You, when his friends come and he starts doing shakara with the car.

We will not hear word again now!
5. How he reacts when his friends want to help him test drive the car.

‘Impossicant!’
6. How he starts shouting when you just touch the car small.

See stress.
7. When you think someone has kidnapped your dad, and you find him in the car doing nothing.

‘I just want to relax small’.
8. All the different car alarms he parks to disturb the whole neighborhood.

Too much stress.
9. When your mum wants to use the car because her own car is faulty.

‘Please sir’.
10. How he drives your mom’s car when the whole family is going to somewhere very rough and bumpy.

‘My own car is not kabu kabu!’
1. “Reverse back.”

Nigerianism for ‘reverse’.
2. “Dey come, dey come, just dey come.”

Nigerianism for ‘keep reversing’.
3. “Cut your hand small.”

Nigerianism for ‘turn the steering wheel a little’.
4. “Cut it full.”

Nigerianism for ‘turn the steering wheel all the way’.
5. “Oya match brake”

Nigerianism for ‘hit the brakes’.
6. “Oya straight your taya.”

Nigerianism for ‘stop turning the steering wheel’.
7. “Return your hand.”

Nigerianism for ‘turn the steering wheel to its original position’.
8. “Watch your side.”

Nigerianism for ‘use your side mirrors’.
9. “On your traffigator.”

Nigerianism for ‘use your indicators’.
10. “Oya go go, put your head”

Nigerianism for ‘go in front of that car’.
11. “Blow your horn.”

Nigerianism for ‘use your car horn’.
12. “Press your turtle.”

Nigerianism for ‘press your throttle’.
1. When someone hits your car and you know your day is about to get bad.

Not today, Satan!
2. When you come down and the person first starts shouting at you.

Is this one mad?
3. When the person tries to lay the blame on you.

Oga fix your life.
4. When the person hits your car and starts begging.

Dun cry, dun beg please.
5. When the people around you start helping you blame the person.

“It’s his fault.” YES!
6. But there are others that are helping him to beg you.

“Oga forgive him.”
7. When you’re a woman and the man that bashes you says he wants to talk to your husband.

On top my own car?!
8. When the person bashes your car and tries to drive away.

Where is this one going?
9. When it’s only a scratch but you feel compelled to make trouble.

You have to pay oh!
10. When the person destroys all your tail-lights and is like “Oga it’s small now”.

HAY GOD! Somebody hold me!
11. When a policeman interferes and you know you have to give him money after.

Who sent you now?
12. When everyone tries to help you settle so you’ll stop causing traffic.

This is where we will all sleep.
13. When someone bashes your car and you come down and see it’s a military man.

Ahan! This small scratch? Don’t worry, Sir.
14. When the people in the traffic you caused start cursing you and the other person.

Jesus! It’s not my fault now!
15. When random people gather to watch the exchange.

Is it Nollywood?
1. When you’re driving and you see a police checkpoint.

Hay God!
2. The Nigerian police starter pack:

The truth.
3. Nigerian police, when they see a car with tinted windows.

God epp you if you don’t have your permit.
4. When they stop you and ask “can we know you?”

This is how it starts.
5. When they see a young person driving a nice car.

Stop there.
6. When they just assume you’re either a yahoo boy or a runz girl.

Na you sabi.
7. When they ask to see your phone.

Why the hell?
8. When they start waving gun in your face on top checking license.

Is it that deep?
9. When they jump in your front seat and tell you to drive to their office.

Oshey Fast and Furious.
10. When they see that you have all your particulars complete.

Jisos! Are you LASTMA?
11. Nigerian police and “anything for boys?”

Na wa! Is this your job?
12. When you finally do ‘happy weekend’ for them.

Can I go, biko?
13. When someone says “the police is your friend”.

Sharrap!

1. When he finally scrapes enough money to buy the latest Mercedes.

2. When he sees the keys to his old Peugeot, he’s like.

3. How he ‘examines’ the car every 10 seconds.

4. You, when his friends come and he starts doing shakara with the car.

5. How he reacts when his friends want to help him test drive the car.

6. How he starts shouting when you just touch the car small.

7. When you think someone has kidnapped your dad, and you find him in the car doing nothing.

8. All the different car alarms he parks to disturb the whole neighborhood.

9. When your mum wants to use the car because her own car is faulty.

10. How he drives your mom’s car when the whole family is going to somewhere very rough and bumpy.

1. “Reverse back.”

2. “Dey come, dey come, just dey come.”

3. “Cut your hand small.”

4. “Cut it full.”

5. “Oya match brake”

6. “Oya straight your taya.”

7. “Return your hand.”

8. “Watch your side.”

9. “On your traffigator.”

10. “Oya go go, put your head”

11. “Blow your horn.”

12. “Press your turtle.”

1. When someone hits your car and you know your day is about to get bad.

2. When you come down and the person first starts shouting at you.

3. When the person tries to lay the blame on you.

4. When the person hits your car and starts begging.

5. When the people around you start helping you blame the person.

6. But there are others that are helping him to beg you.

7. When you’re a woman and the man that bashes you says he wants to talk to your husband.

8. When the person bashes your car and tries to drive away.

9. When it’s only a scratch but you feel compelled to make trouble.

10. When the person destroys all your tail-lights and is like “Oga it’s small now”.

11. When a policeman interferes and you know you have to give him money after.

12. When everyone tries to help you settle so you’ll stop causing traffic.

13. When someone bashes your car and you come down and see it’s a military man.

14. When the people in the traffic you caused start cursing you and the other person.

15. When random people gather to watch the exchange.

1. When you’re driving and you see a police checkpoint.

2. The Nigerian police starter pack:

3. Nigerian police, when they see a car with tinted windows.

4. When they stop you and ask “can we know you?”

5. When they see a young person driving a nice car.

6. When they just assume you’re either a yahoo boy or a runz girl.

7. When they ask to see your phone.

8. When they start waving gun in your face on top checking license.

9. When they jump in your front seat and tell you to drive to their office.

10. When they see that you have all your particulars complete.

11. Nigerian police and “anything for boys?”

12. When you finally do ‘happy weekend’ for them.

13. When someone says “the police is your friend”.