If you read the headline for this article and thought of Jessica Rabbit, you’re wrong. “Who Framed Roger Rabbit” — the movie Jessica is from — is kid-friendly because it’s a live-action movie featuring animated characters, but it isn’t a kids’ movie. I’m talking about female characters from cartoons that were made for kids. Characters like:

1) Miss Bellum (Powerpuff Girls)

There’s no reason why Miss Sara Bellum, the Mayor’s assistant, was this hot. I used to have a thing against skirt suits (I believed they were all ugly and shouldn’t be worn), but Miss Bellum singlehandedly changed my views on them. The added mystery of the show never really revealing her face made her even hotter.

2) Dexter’s Mom (Dexter’s Laboratory)

As far as I’m concerned, Dexter’s mom (who was never given a name) would sashay into every episode of that show in her signature outfit and apron, look into the camera and quietly whisper, “What waist?” I was obsessed.

3) Megara (Hercules)

I didn’t have the vocabulary to describe Meg’s energy when I first saw Hercules, but now I do. Meg was cunty as hell. Legend has it that Shakira’s “Hips Don’t Lie” and the intro to Beyoncé’s “Pure Honey” were written about Meg. Legend also has it that I sometimes lie for comedic effect.

4) Elastigirl (The Incredibles)

Whoever came up with the phrase “Thicker than a bowl of oatmeal” was definitely talking about Elastigirl because GYATT DAMN.

5) Jasmine (Aladdin)

All I’ll say is that Aladdin using almost all of his wishes to impress Jasmine came as no surprise to me. I would’ve done the same thing.

6) Lola Bunny (Space Jam)

Yes, I know she’s a rabbit, but look at her! Why the hell was she so damn hot? Even Warner Bros knew they’d strayed far from God’s light designing her the way they did and putting her in the skimpiest of outfits that they had to tone it down the for the sequel.

The thing about games is that they’re supposed to be entertaining. But somewhere along the line, games became hard. Some became hard because they started reflecting reality too much, and others became hard because people like pain and suffering. These are five games that people keep claiming are fun but aren’t like at all.

1) Chess

All my life, many people have tried to explain the rules of chess to me, and each time, I have been physically unable to listen. Why can some players move about at will, and others can only shuffle sideways like crabs? Why is the queen so cunty? I love my games involving mindless fun, and chess is the opposite of that.

2) Monopoly

The housing market is the worst it has ever been. Word on the street is that many people in this generation will never own a house of their own and will rent until the Grim Reaper cometh for them. Now, why would you want to play an endless game that reminds you of the real-life rent that is kicking your ass and property you’ll never be able to own? Is it fun when you have to mortgage all your properties to pay half of what you owe to the billionaire player who owns everything else?

3) Scrabble

Let me tell you something. If I wanted to spell things, I’d go compete in a spelling bee or just watch Lawrence Fishburne bully a 12-year-old Keke Palmer into learning how to spell “pulchritude”. Don’t stress me out, please.

4) Jenga

Pulling out blocks from an already unstable structure? Jenga is insanely nerve-wracking. Jenga is the shape I imagine my anxiety would take if it could leave my body and fashion a physical form for itself. Weirdly enough, the gameplay is also an accurate representation of my mental health. But that’s another story for another day.