In the fourth episode of Zikoko’s 100 Nigerians: Anatomy of a Marriage, we asked married Nigerians to reflect on the crises that tested their union and how they found their way back to each other.

From couples who navigated devastating loss together to those who weathered conflicts, career setbacks and major life changes, these stories unpack the pressure points that can break a marriage and what it took to hold on.

“Involving my husband in my business was a mistake” — Ochanya*, 39

When my mother died in 2015, I took over her school. My husband and I decided to run it together, but it turned out to be the biggest mistake we made.

My husband gradually took complete control. I didn’t mind at first, but I soon realised there was no accountability. He refused to standardise the school fees, charged different families different amounts and never accounted for how he spent the money.

I endured it for about a year before asking him to step away. It led to the biggest fight of our marriage. He felt I had thrown his efforts away and moved to another state to start his own business.

We lived apart for a few years before our families reconciled us in 2017. Now, we’ve learnt to keep our marriage separate from our businesses. 

“I thought my illness would cost me my marriage” — Dunsin*, 39

Two years into marriage, I was diagnosed with liver cirrhosis, and our lives changed overnight. For the past three years, we’ve moved from one hospital to another, trying different treatments while drowning in medical bills. We nearly exhausted our savings trying to keep up. My wife stood by me through it all, but her family started questioning why she stayed, especially because we still don’t have kids. Some even encouraged her to leave.

Earlier this year, she travelled home to rest because everything had become too overwhelming. I was convinced her family would persuade her not to return, so I prepared myself for the worst. But she came back. When I admitted my fears, she told me she’d never even considered it.

“My wife’s relocation nearly ruined our family” — Joseph*, 44

My wife got an opportunity to relocate abroad, and it almost ruined our marriage. We had two young children, and I was running a business in Nigeria, so moving with her wasn’t an option. I asked her to wait because the timing felt wrong, but she thought I was sabotaging her future. The arguments got so bad that one day, she said if I couldn’t support her decision, we should go our separate ways.

Hearing that broke me. I stopped trying to change her mind and let her leave in 2022, even though I was convinced the distance would destroy our marriage. Surprisingly, it’s done the opposite. We visit each other regularly, speak throughout the day, and somehow have grown closer.

“We nearly ended our marriage over children” — Nabila*, 34

My husband and I got married just before COVID, and our first major crisis was deciding when to have children. I’d just finished university and didn’t feel emotionally or financially ready to become a mum. But my husband wanted us to start trying immediately.

Lockdown made everything worse. We were stuck indoors, having the same argument over and over until I eventually moved into a separate room. Things became so tense that we involved our families. That’s when we realised we’d misunderstood each other. My husband thought I never wanted kids, while I was only asking for more time. He reluctantly agreed to wait, and in 2023, we welcomed our first child.

“My husband insulted my mum” — Solape*, 37

My marriage hit its lowest point after my husband lost his job in 2016. We’d already been living in different states because of work, but when he became unemployed, he moved into my family home with me.

I became the breadwinner, and my mum wasn’t shy about expressing her frustrations. Tension kept building until one day my husband snapped. He insulted my mum and called her names while living under her roof.

I’d stood by him through everything, but I couldn’t overlook that. I asked him to move out and, for the first time, seriously considered ending our marriage. Eventually, I forgave him because he spent months apologising and working to rebuild my trust. He also found another job, and things gradually improved.

“He resented me for making him move back home” — Faridah*, 28

My husband and I met while studying in the UK and got married shortly after. In 2024, our visas expired, and we became undocumented immigrants. After months of living in fear, I pushed for us to return to Nigeria.

He eventually agreed, but I could tell he resented the decision. After we moved back, he became distant. He stopped helping around the house and constantly reminded me that returning home was my idea. We argued so often that I genuinely feared our marriage wouldn’t survive.

My last resort was suggesting online therapy. Those sessions helped me realise his anger came from grieving the future he believed he’d lost in the UK. Once we understood that, we slowly found our way back to each other.

“I blamed my husband for my son’s death” — Godiya*, 53

The hardest thing I’ve ever experienced was losing my son last year. He was sent home from university with severe stomach pains while I was away on an official assignment. I trusted my husband to take care of him, but he didn’t realise how serious the situation was. Our son went to the hospital alone and collapsed a few hours later. He died that same day.

My grief quickly turned into anger. I kept thinking that if I’d been there, he’d still be alive. I blamed my husband so deeply that I moved out to live with my sister. At that point, I believed our marriage was over.

Prayer and time eventually softened my heart. I accepted that we couldn’t have prevented his death. Grieving together helped us find our way back to each other.

“My wife’s conversion tested our marriage” — Mustapha*, 39

My wife converted to Christianity after nearly seven years together. Religion has always been important to me, and before we married, she’d chosen Islam for herself. I never imagined we’d one day be practising different faiths.

She also wanted our kids to go to church, while I wanted them raised as Muslims. That’s when the trouble started. My family joined me in pushing back against her decision.

For a while, I worried our marriage wouldn’t survive. Our families suggested separation, but neither of us wanted to walk away. Instead, we reached a compromise. Our two younger children attend church with her, while the older two practise Islam. Still, I worry this arrangement will create divisions in the future.

“Caring for our son has consumed our marriage”— Anointed*, 36

Our second child was born in 2021 with cerebral palsy, and since then, our lives have changed. Nobody prepared me for how easily a marriage can disappear under the weight of caregiving. 

My wife and I barely spend time together anymore. Every conversation is about our son, and we’re both constantly exhausted. I love my son, but I miss the marriage we used to have. I also worry about our first child, who has had to grow up faster than she should. We’re still together, but these days it feels like we’re just partners instead of husband and wife.

“I might leave my husband because of his habits” — Salma*, 40

Between 2016 and 2018, my husband lost three jobs. The setbacks changed him completely. He withdrew into himself, developed an alcohol dependence, and became involved in gambling and questionable business deals. Along with that came constant lies. I never knew what to believe anymore until I stopped trusting him altogether.

Things got worse whenever I confronted him and he became violent. Last year, I was ready to walk away for good.  And that seemed to be the wake-up call he needed. 

Since then, he’s stopped drinking and has given up gambling. Right now, I’m waiting to see if this transformation is truly lasting before deciding what comes next. 

“My husband quit his job to start a church” — Florence*, 34

In 2021, my husband announced that God had called him to quit his well-paying job and start a church. We had four young children, and I couldn’t understand how he expected us to survive on my salary alone.

I fought the decision every step of the way. I felt betrayed because this wasn’t the future we’d planned together. When he started selling some of our investments to fund the church, I became so frustrated that I moved back to my parents’ house.

At my lowest point, I considered ending our marriage. But despite my fears, he remained convinced this was what he was meant to do. Today, I still have concerns, but I’ve chosen to support him. It wasn’t an easy decision, but I’ve accepted that loving him means trusting him to follow the path he chose. 

“My wife’s spiritual practices almost ended our marriage” — John*, 51

After my marriage in 2008, I discovered things about my wife that unsettled me. She identifies as Catholic, but also practises traditional rituals that make me uncomfortable. I would find strange objects around the house she insisted were for protection.

Whenever I asked her to stop, it always led to arguments. At one point, I no longer felt at ease in my own home. I even worried she might use those things against me. When we started having kids, I worried about the influence these practices might have on them.

There were many times I considered leaving, but I stayed for my kids. Over the years, I’ve accepted that I can’t control what she believes. Instead, we’ve agreed to keep our kids away from those practices, and that compromise has helped us maintain peace in our home.

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