On the Streets is a Zikoko weekly series about the chaos of modern dating: from situationships and endless talking stages to heartbreak and everything it means to be single in today’s world.
After years of giving people the benefit of the doubt, Ope* (26) is finally taking a break from dating. Betrayals from people he loved and a brief romance that turned out to be a catfishing scam have given him more than enough reasons to question his instinct to trust people.
In this episode of On the Streets, he shares how these experiences have changed the way he sees love and relationships.
What’s your current relationship status, and how do you feel about it?
I’m single. I fall in love and trust people too easily, and it’s landed me in some awful situations. Until I find a solution, I’m taking a break from dating.
How did you get to this point? Walk me through your dating history
My first girlfriend was Maria*. We met in 2014 while in secondary school. We both schooled in Osun State, so our parents arranged for us and a few other students to travel back home to Kwara State during the holidays. We spent a lot of time talking on those trips, and eventually grew fond of each other.
Maria was a sweet girl; we started dating in 2017. The whole school knew about our relationship, and teachers even tried to keep us apart. In SS3, we were caught hanging out together after lights-out and got suspended. We couldn’t even attend our graduation.
All those experiences brought us closer. We’d fought so hard to be together that I thought our relationship would last forever. But things changed when we got into university.
What happened?
I think the new environment and exposure changed Maria. Our first major issue happened in our second year of university. She’d attended a house party and slept with someone else. I only found out from a female friend who was at the party.
When I confronted Maria, she said she’d been drunk and wasn’t herself. She also claimed she couldn’t remember everything that happened. It was difficult to believe, but I forgave her because we were soulmates.
Right. Did the relationship remain the same after that incident?
Not really. My trust was broken. I started asking more questions about her whereabouts, and she didn’t like it. We always had so many arguments.
Then, in 2023, Maria grew close to an ex-friend with whom I’d fallen out. They met while interning at the same firm. Before long, his name became a constant in our relationship.
I told her I was uncomfortable with their closeness, especially because he’d hurt me in the past, but she downplayed my feelings. Their friendship continued for months until my suspicions grew too strong and I went through her phone in July 2023.
I found out they’d been exchanging explicit photos and conversations. I’ll never forget the shock and dread I felt in that moment.
Did you confront her?
I did. She was defensive, and she spoke to me with little or no remorse. I felt really hurt and angry, so I said things I shouldn’t have.
Then she attacked some of my deepest insecurities. She insulted my looks, then reminded me that I wasn’t the kind of person she’d want to take out in public. We’d been together for more than six years, so hearing those words hurt me deeply, and I cried.
We broke up after that confrontation.
I tried to apologise afterwards and fix our issues, but she was done. Her refusal made me realise that I’d said those things only because I wanted to hurt her back, while she’d poured out how she really felt about me.
I’m sorry. Did you take a break from dating after that?
I took a few months to nurture the heartbreak, but I was soon back with a rebound.
I’d met Zainab at school, and we bonded over our relationship problems. It felt good to have someone who understood my pain. I could talk about my ex over and over without feeling like I was burdening her.
I don’t know exactly when my feelings became romantic, but as the months passed, Zainab took up my thoughts and pushed Maria aside.
When I eventually expressed my feelings, she was reluctant at first, but later admitted her feelings for me. We agreed to give it a chance and see where things went. By the end of 2023, we’d gotten ourselves into a situationship.
How did that go?
I was certainly more invested. I put in the emotional and financial effort, while Zainab gave very little in return. She’d reach out when she needed someone to talk to. Once she felt better, she could disappear for days. She also continued talking about her ex long after I’d stopped talking about mine.
I didn’t fully realise how one-sided things had become until our birthdays. I’m big on birthdays, so I went all out for her. I bought her thoughtful gifts and did a lot to make her feel special.
When my birthday came around, I expected at least some effort or affection from her, but nothing happened. She hadn’t made any plans to see me or even celebrate me online. By the end of the day, I felt hurt and called her. When I mentioned wanting a gift, she joked that I should book a hotel and she’d give me one there. It felt strange that my feelings weren’t even acknowledged.
Her actions really opened my eyes to how selfish and one-sided the situationship had become. Still, I let it go, and we continued talking for a while. But a few weeks later, she ghosted me again.
This time around, I was so upset that I blocked her for good. When she eventually reached out, I told her I didn’t want to continue the situationship. I’d assumed she’d put up a fight for us, but she gladly accepted to walk away. That even hurt me more.
Did you take time to heal this time around?
I did, even if it wasn’t intentional. I’d separated from Zainab fresh out of uni, and I focused my time and energy on work. Before I knew it, I’d spent about two years as a single guy.
Then, in late 2025, I moved to Lagos. I didn’t know many people in the city, and a friend suggested checking out the dating app Tinder. I figured since I was lonely most of the time, it wouldn’t hurt to try.
However, it took months of trial and error before I finally met Ella in February. Unlike many people I’d encountered on the app, she wasn’t sexual from the beginning. She was fun to talk to and shared many of my interests. We started talking regularly, moved to WhatsApp after two weeks, and before I knew it, I’d developed an interest in her.
Right. Was this an interest to date?
In a way. She was always available to talk, and it was the first time I had experienced such stable communication from a potential partner.
Three weeks into talking, she had to travel home to Ibadan. We’d been talking about our plans to meet up when she got back, then she suddenly went offline for almost two days. I started getting anxious and wondered if she’d ghosted me.
When she came back online, she explained that her father was sick and she was caring for him. She also said she didn’t have enough money to buy data but had been too embarrassed to ask me for help.
I felt sorry for her and sent her ₦50k. After that, I occasionally sent her smaller amounts, usually between ₦10k and ₦20k. I also bought her the things she’d mentioned in passing and mailed them to her address in Ibadan.
But as the weeks rolled by, some things didn’t add up. Ella had been at home for nearly two months, even though she claimed to work for a corporate organisation in Lagos. I couldn’t understand how she could stay away from work. But I didn’t want to press her until she was back.
I’d told a friend about Ella, so I showed him one of her pictures. Then, while checking the photo, he noticed strange text in the background and thought it might have been modified with AI. He joked that I might be getting catfished.
I dismissed it at first, but he asked why we hadn’t met or video-called. And that was when it all started coming together.
Ella and I had been talking for over two months, and we’d never gotten on a call. I’d avoided it for as long as possible because of my speech condition. I didn’t want a repeat of my experience with Maria, so I was hoping we could just meet in person.
But my friend’s questions prompted me to call Ella. When I called, she declined, saying she was too shy to let me see the condition of her parents’ home. I told her I didn’t mind, but she still refused to pick up.
Her refusal seemed fishy, so I decided to investigate further. I checked the organisation she claimed to work for on LinkedIn but couldn’t find her. Then my friend ran a reverse image search on some of her pictures and found them under a completely different woman’s name.
Wow. Sounds wild
The more I investigated, the more I realised that I’d been catfished.
I eventually confronted her, and she still refused to come clean. Instead, she became angry and said she couldn’t force me to trust her. Then she blocked me and deleted her Tinder profile in April.
Even after that, I wasn’t completely sure I’d done the right thing. I kept trying to rationalise her behaviour. A few days after she blocked me, I contacted the woman whose pictures she’d been using on Facebook.
She confirmed they were her pictures, although some had been slightly altered. She didn’t know Ella and lived somewhere else. She was disturbed that someone had been using her pictures and said she reported it to the police. That finally confirmed everything.
I also tried calling Ella from a different number, and a man answered. But he started cursing in Yoruba when I asked if he was Ella.
It was a frightening experience. Sometimes, I wonder if I was charmed. I still have so many questions, and I might never get the answers.
I’m sorry. Have you been able to move past the experience?
It’s been hard. There’s an overwhelming sense of shame that comes with being duped like that. I’m even embarrassed to feel heartbroken over a relationship that never actually existed.
When I told my other friends, they laughed and trolled me. It’s made it difficult to open up about what happened.
I’m curious. How have these experiences shaped the way you see love and relationships?
I’ve learnt not to take people at face value or make excuses for behaviour that makes me uncomfortable. I wish dating could be easier for people who are honest and love as openly as I do, but I’ve realised you always have to be careful.
For now, I don’t think my heart can handle another experience like this, so I’m taking a break from dating.
Finally, how are the streets treating you these days? Rate it on a scale of 1 to 10.
6/10. As a natural lover boy, being single and having no prospects has taken some adjustment. But I’m also enjoying the peace. That’s one thing I’ve really come to appreciate.
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