For many people, discovering a semi-permanent tattoo on their partner wouldn’t be enough reason to end a promising relationship. But when Funke* (26) stumbled across the explicit design on her boyfriend’s thigh, it changed everything about her feelings.  Here’s why she stands by her decision to walk away. 

This is Funke’s explanation as told to Mofiyin:

I met Dayo* at a mutual friend’s birthday dinner last November, and we hit it off almost immediately. He worked offshore as a marine engineer in Port Harcourt, so after December, we couldn’t see each other often. Still,  he was intentional. We spoke every day, and on Valentine’s Day, he asked me to be his girlfriend.

About two weeks later, he finally got some time off work and spent the weekend with me. While we were lying in bed, I noticed what looked like a tattoo on his thigh. At first, I couldn’t make it out, so I leaned in for a closer look. It was a topless woman with a penis in her mouth. I was shocked. I hadn’t noticed it when we’d hooked up in December. When I asked about it, he laughed it off and said he’d gotten it in January after following his friends to get semi-permanent tattoos. They’d all picked ridiculous designs, and he’d chosen this one because he thought it was funny. 

I didn’t find it funny. I couldn’t understand why a grown man would willingly put something like that on his body, even as a joke. Even worse, he couldn’t see why I’d find it offensive.

When I challenged him, he asked whether he needed my permission to get a tattoo and argued that if I got one, I wouldn’t ask for his approval either. 

I tried to let it go because ending a relationship over a tattoo sounded ridiculous, even to me. But for the rest of that weekend, I couldn’t look at him the same way. I was surprised by how quickly my attraction disappeared.

After he left, I hoped the feeling would fade, but it only grew stronger. The more I thought about the tattoo, the less it felt like a harmless joke and the more it seemed a reflection of how he viewed women. 

I started replaying old conversations and stories he’d shared about himself and his friends. Things I’d dismissed before suddenly took on a different meaning. I found myself wondering if he’d been showing me who he was all along, and I’d chosen not to see it.

When he messaged to say I’d seemed distant, I told him the tattoo really bothered me and asked if he’d consider removing it. He refused. 

He said I was making a big deal of something that was hidden and would eventually fade away. 

That response made things worse. He simply dismissed my feelings and expected me to move on. 

Over the next few weeks, I kept waiting for my feelings to change. They never did. By then, I no longer wanted him touching me because I couldn’t separate that tattoo from the person who’d chosen it.

When he wanted to visit again in May, I made excuses because I couldn’t bring myself to see him. Eventually, I ended the relationship. We’d only been together for four months, and I decided it was better to walk away early than stay and hope I’d eventually stop caring.

He didn’t take the breakup well. He told people I’d ended our relationship over a tattoo. I haven’t spoken to our mutual friend in over a month because she agreed with him. She said I was being too sensitive and stereotyping him.

Whether other people agree or not, I don’t believe a grown man chose a tattoo like that, even temporarily, without it saying something about his mindset. 

I still think he’s a decent person in many ways, and I don’t hate him. But once my perception of him changed, I couldn’t undo the damage. I’d rather end a relationship after four months than spend years compromising on something that goes against my values. 

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