On the Streets is a Zikoko weekly series about the chaos of modern dating: from situationships and endless talking stages, to heartbreak and everything it means to be single in today’s world.
Rejoice* (22) has lived with bedwetting for as long as she can remember. The condition isolated her from other people and affected every romantic relationship she has had. In this episode of On the Streets, she shares how years of shame influenced her dating life and how she finally walked away from a controlling partner.
What’s your current relationship status, and how do you feel about it?
I’m single, but it’s the first time I’ve genuinely enjoyed being alone. I’ve lived with nocturnal enuresis (bedwetting) for as long as I can remember, and it was always a big part of my dating experiences. Right now, I’m focused on rebuilding my self-esteem before thinking about another relationship.
Let’s talk about the condition. When did you realise it had become a health concern?
I’ve had it since I was a child. At first, everyone assumed I’d outgrow it, but when I turned 13 and was still wetting the bed, it became a serious concern.
My parents didn’t know what to do. They’d beat me because they believed I was just sleeping too deeply. I even stopped eating and drinking in the evenings because I was terrified of wetting the bed, but nothing changed. Unless someone woke me up during the night, I’d still wake up to a wet bed.
I spent JSS1 and JSS2 in boarding school, but I begged my parents to let me leave because of the bullying. I was called names and struggled to make friends because everyone knew about my condition.
My parents only transferred me to the day section of the same school, so the bullying never really stopped. Over time, it completely shattered my self-esteem. I always felt like the condition was hanging over me.
I remember a boy in SS2 who really liked me. When his friends found out, they teased him so much that he started avoiding me. Eventually, our friendship fizzled out.
My parents are also very religious, so they believed it was a spiritual problem. At church, I’d hear testimonies from people who claimed prayer had cured their bedwetting condition. I started wondering if I just wasn’t praying hard enough.
After my WAEC exams, my parents also took me to the hospital to seek medical opinion. I was diagnosed with primary nocturnal enuresis. The doctors explained that some people continue living with it into adulthood and, apart from lifestyle changes, there isn’t a permanent cure.
After hearing that, I believed nobody would ever want to date me.
I’m sorry. Did things change when you left secondary school?
A little. The condition had improved slightly by then. Getting into university in 2021 felt like a fresh start because nobody knew about it. I accepted that I’d probably have to manage it rather than expect it to disappear. I lived alone and never spent the night anywhere else.
I didn’t really think about love until I met Prince*.
We met in our faculty during our first year. We were both trying to print some materials before an exam and ended up chatting while we waited.
He was really friendly, and we both loved reading, so there was always something to talk about. We’d take long walks around campus whenever we had free time.
About two months into our friendship, I admitted I liked him. He said he felt the same way, and we started dating.
Aww. What was the relationship like?
It was a happy relationship, but I never told him about my health.
I was determined to keep it hidden for as long as I could. Whenever he asked why I never slept over, I’d make excuses. The first two times I stayed at his place, I wore an adult diaper and told him I was on my period.
Over time, I became less careful because the bedwetting didn’t happen every night. Then, a few months into the relationship, I had a slip-up.
I fell asleep and wet his bed.
I didn’t even realise it had happened until he woke me up. The mattress was soaked, including his side. It’s still one of the most embarrassing moments of my life.
How did he react?
He looked shocked. I burst into tears, but I still couldn’t bring myself to explain that this wasn’t a one-off accident. I just kept apologising.
He told me not to worry and acted like it wasn’t a big deal, but I knew he was only trying to spare my feelings.
We never spoke about it again. A few weeks later, ASUU went on strike and everyone returned home.
Did the break affect your relationship?
It did. Looking back, I think what happened that night changed the way he saw me.
At first, we still spoke regularly. We kept in touch via video calls, but as the strike dragged on, he became more distant. He said he was helping his brother with work and didn’t have much time to talk.
By the third month of the strike, he suggested a break. I agreed because I thought giving him space might help. I still reached out occasionally because I felt guilty. Eventually, we started talking again, but when we got back together, he asked me to respect his boundaries by reducing the frequency of our communication
Did things improve after you got back together?
Not really. When school resumed in November 2022, he wasn’t the same person anymore. Weeks passed and he made no efforts to see me.
One day, after he ignored my calls, I decided to surprise him at his place.
When he opened the door, he immediately stepped outside and refused to let me in. But before he closed it, I caught a glimpse of another lady sitting on his bed.
He claimed she was his cousin. I asked if I could meet her, but he became angry and told me to leave.
When I got home, I sent him a long message saying I knew he wasn’t being honest. He didn’t even try to deny it. Instead, he said that after our break, he’d only agreed to “see how things go” and that we’d never officially become boyfriend and girlfriend again.
After that conversation, I promised myself I wouldn’t contact him again. When weeks passed and he never reached out either, I accepted that the relationship was over.
How did you handle the breakup this time around?
We were in the same faculty, so we couldn’t avoid each other completely. That made it a little harder to move on.
For a long time, I blamed myself. Before I wet his bed, he was the perfect boyfriend. Afterwards, he slowly pulled away until he left.
I’m sorry. Did you try to date again after Prince?
In 2023, I met Mike*. It was around the time tech was really taking off, and I wanted to learn web development. Someone introduced us because he was experienced and could mentor me.
At first, we only talked about work. He was nerdy and not my usual type, so I never imagined we’d be more than friends. Then, a few weeks later, he told me he had a crush on me.
I wasn’t sure I had romantic feelings for him at first, but they grew over time.
We started dating in February 2024.
Did your experience with Prince change how you approached this relationship?
It did.
By then, I’d joined a Facebook group for adults living with nocturnal enuresis, and one piece of advice kept coming up: if you’re serious about someone, be honest about your condition.
Even then, I struggled with the thought of being that vulnerable. For months, I avoided sleeping over because I didn’t know how to tell him. He’d always ask why I always made excuses. So, one day, I sat him down and told him everything.
How did he respond?
Better than I ever imagined. He told me none of it was my fault and that he wasn’t going to judge me.
I was so relieved that I cried. For the first time, I wasn’t constantly worrying about being “found out”, and that made me feel very safe with him.
For a while, we had a really good relationship.
What changed?
As time went on, he became controlling. By then, I’d become much more confident. I was networking within the tech community and making new friends, but he wasn’t comfortable with that.
If I posted a picture with another man, he’d ask me to take it down. At first, I dismissed it as overprotectiveness, but it gradually became suffocating.
Soon, he was questioning almost every friendship I had, including my female friends. At one point, he insisted I stop talking to a close friend because he thought she was rude. It made no sense to me, but I still cut her off just to avoid another argument.
Whenever I told him how his behaviour made me feel, he’d remind me that he’d been badly hurt in a previous relationship and struggled to trust people.
In January 2025, he moved to Europe on a scholarship.
You’d think the distance would’ve given me more freedom, but it was the opposite.
Oh. What happened?
I started hiding things from him. If I wanted to post pictures with friends, I’d block him from seeing them. Sometimes I’d even lie about where I was because I already knew how he’d react.
Around that time, I started my internship and got an amazing opportunity to work closely with my boss, including travelling for work.
I was excited to tell Mike, but instead of congratulating me, his first reaction was that he didn’t trust the arrangement.
His attitude was exhausting, but I kept telling myself I might never find someone else who’d accept my condition the way he had.
Last December, he came to Nigeria for Christmas and bought me an iPhone as a gift.
A few months after he returned to Europe, I noticed something strange. Whenever I was somewhere I hadn’t told him about, he’d call repeatedly until I answered. It happened often, but I didn’t think much of it until May this year.
The phone developed a fault, so I took it in for repairs. That’s when the technician discovered spyware installed on it that could track my location and monitor parts of my activity. The moment he told me, I knew it was Mike.
Did you confront him?
I did. He admitted he’d installed it but only to keep me safe.
That was my breaking point. I didn’t feel safe anymore, and no explanation could change that.
He’d always promised that once he settled abroad, he’d bring me over as his dependant. A few months earlier, that sounded like a dream.
But after discovering the spyware, all I could think was: If he’s this controlling while we’re living in different countries, what would happen if I became completely dependent on him?
So I ended the relationship. He didn’t take it well, but by then my mind was made up.
And how are you doing now?
It’s only been a few months, so I still have moments when I wonder if I made the right decision.
Dating is already difficult, and my condition makes it even harder. I know how insensitive people can be, and the fear of getting hurt again remains.
But I’m trying not to dwell on that. Right now, I’m focused on graduating. I can worry about love later.
Right. How have these experiences shaped your idea of love and relationships?
I’ve learnt that honest communication is everything. Be open about who you are and don’t spend your life worrying about what the other person might think. I still struggle with shame about my condition, but I’ve realised hiding it only makes things harder.
I’ve also stopped trying to rationalise people’s behaviour. I used to spend so much time asking why someone treated me a certain way or making excuses for them. Now I know that if a relationship no longer brings me peace, it’s okay to walk away.
Finally, how are the streets treating you these days? Rate it on a scale of 1 to 10.
7/10. I’m not looking for a relationship or talking to anyone, but I’m putting myself out there in healthier ways. I’m making more friends, saying yes to new experiences. Hopefully, all that will help me be more self-confident.
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