Before social media, Nigerians were writing to magazines for dating advice. We dug through old newspaper issues from Archivi.ng, and  compiled some of the relationship problems that gave Nigerians sleepless nights  many decades ago. 

If these lovers came to you for advice today, what would you tell them?

Six years ago when I was just 12, my relatives forced me to marry a girl of 24 because I’m the only son of the family. We have three children, but people say they are not mine because at that time I was too young to have children. 

Should I chase her away and marry someone in my own age group? –Johnny, Kaduna (DRUM, May 1967)

My trouble is that my landlord’s wife is greatly in love with me, but l’ve never touched or talked to her about love. I even stopped her on many occasions from buying things for me, but she just won’t listen. Her husband has beaten her up once over her obsession with me but still she’s adamant. I’m 26 and a trader. I don’t want to lose my customers as a result of moving house. What should I do?- Jamanze, Benin (Trust paper, April 1975)

I’m 26 and unmarried. I’m in love with two girls, aged 22 and 19 and I want to marry soon. One is of my tribe and they both take me to the cinema; neither hates my relationship with the other. I have sought help from my best friends but no one can give me a good answer. What l should I do with these girls?  Please, tell me if I need to pick one before they make me go mad.-Magiri, Lagos (Trust paper, April 1975)

I have one thing to tell you about a lady whom I fell in love with early this year. She’s 18 and I’m 21. The girl or woman, I may say, is no longer with me. When she was circumcised according to our custom, I was too late for the engagement. A certain fellow went there earlier than me. Now she is married to that man and yet she has got my child in her womb. What shall I do to bring home my child when it is born? –Joshua, Calabar (Trust paper, April 1975)

I’m 25 and married. I fell in love with a prostitute and drove away my wife with our child. When I got to my present station, my girlfriend ran away. Now l’m alone and I want my wife and child back. I wrote her to return to me but she refused. She said that I should marry my “angel”. Please, tell me how I can get my wife and child back. –Ahmad, Potiskun (Trust paper, April 1975)

My girl refuses to go to bed with me. Instead she has asked me to sleep with other girls until she is ready. This has left me completely bewildered. We have been going together for almost a year now and have been discussing marriage. Don’t you think that her asking me to bed other girls is a clear confession of her lack of love for, or loss of interest in me? –Emmanuel, Ebute Metta (DRUM, May 1967)

I’m a businessman aged 22. I fell in love with 12 girls and I promised to buy each of them a Honda motorcycle. These girls knew each other and they visited me at the same time. I spent nothing less than ₦20 to entertain them at each visit. My parents heard about my recklessness and my mother came from our home town to talk to me. As a result of my attitude towards her, my people have rejected me. The worst part of it is that the girls have deserted me after sucking me dry. I don’t know where to turn. –Kawawa, Sokoto (DRUM, November 1978)

I’m 23 but not allowed to bring girls into my father’s house. My father says I should concentrate on my studies first, but I can’t  do without having a girlfriend. I’ve been meeting somebody in my friend’s house, but she wants to break up if I don’t introduce her to my father. I’m scared of what will become of my agility if I go many months without sex. What should I do? –Abdul, Minna (Vintage People, April 1992)

I’m 20 and I’m in love with a boy of 25. I discovered that he has two children by different women. One of them lives with him while the other is with the mother. I’ve never seen any of the women in his house. What worries me is he doesn’t tell me about his past. He wants to marry me but I fear he’ll treat me the same way he treated these women. I love him very much and wouldn’t like to lose him. What answer do I give him?-Vic, Ikot Ekpene (Trust Paper, April 1976)

I had four babies in quick succession and I feel I need a break if not a total stop. I talked to my husband about this and said that I would like to visit the family planning clinic nearest to us for advice. But my husband says respectable married women do not use such devices to stop having babies. He believes that only bad women need them. I just can’t cope with another child right now as I’m mentally and physically exhausted. How do I get my husband to agree? –Ajoke, Ibadan (Spear, June 1970)

I’m 18 and hopelessly in love with a boy of 20. I wouldn’t  like to lose him. He loves me, too. He has informed me that he’ll  be going to the U.S.A. to further his studies. He wants to impregnate me before he leaves. He said he’ll then take me to his parents who will look after me until he is back. Is that a sensible arrangement?-Grace, Jos (DRUM, December 1975)

I’m a 19-year-old worker. I used to have sex every night when I was in the township. I’m now working in a village. There are no young single women around. All the women are married. I was told I can bed any woman I want, but sleeping with married women is against my religious up-bringing. I wouldn’t  like to go against the rules of my denomination and I have no money with which to marry now. Please tell me what to do. –B.D., Zaria (DRUM, December 1975)

My parents want me to marry a particular girl while I want to marry the girl with whom I’m in love. It happened that I wrote my girl and my parents letters the same day and I mistakenly put the wrong letter in the wrong envelope. Now she’ll know what my parents think of her. How can I win over my parents after this foolish thing I’ve done? I’m 17. –Moshood, Lagos. (DRUM, December 1975)

I fell in love with a girl while I was serving on a mission in the East. The girl loves me too and we plan to marry. Her mother is in agreement with our plan but her father is not. My girl would like to elope with me but she’s afraid of her dad. I’ve tried every way to win the man over. Now he told me that he’ll allow me to have sex with the girl in his house and that any child we have will be his because my girl is his only child. –John, Lagos (Trust Paper, February 1972)

I’m a 23-year-old student and so is my boyfriend. I’m a virgin and my boyfriend respects me for it, but my girlfriends laugh and say that I’ll never bear children if I don’t  get deflowered now. I’m afraid of eventually losing my husband to another woman because of childlessness. Do you suggest I take their advice and get married instead of furthering my studies? At what age is a woman past her prime? –Sandra, Benin (Trust Paper, November 1977)

A week after my wife came to join me in Lagos where I was employed as a steward boy, my master fired me without just cause. My friends told me it was my wife who had brought the bad luck and advised that I should leave her. I’d been living peacefully with my master until my wife arrived. I saw a native doctor who told her the same thing and added that if I don’t  send her back home, I would never get a stable job. I love my wife. We have been married since 1953 and I don’t  want to accuse her of bringing me bad luck when we already have four children. Please advise me. –P.K, Nigeria (DRUM, May 1967)

I was 15 and in primary school when I wed a girl of 13. I’m now better educated while my wife is still illiterate. I feel ashamed each time my friends accompany me home. She respects me and is a good housewife in spite of the mentioned handicap. Do you advise that I send her away. –Eisekhanghor, Kaduna (DRUM, November 1978)

I intend to marry a girl of 19. I am 24. But my greatest problem is that this girl is a witch. She confessed it to me and said that her school mates had done something to her so that she cannot conceive again. Please help me. We already love each other, so what shall I do? –Kummar, Yola (DRUM, November 1978)

I’m 20 and I plan to marry my girl in a few years. Her father said should pay her dowry but I don’t   want to pay it because I regard dowry as buying a slave. I have no money to marry but I love this girl. Is it good to buy a girl with money since the Englishmen stopped slave trade years ago? Tell me what to do to have this girl as my wife. –Kano, Julius (DRUM, January 1971)