Was it even an old Nollywood movie if it wasn’t trying to teach you something by force? Well, for those of us who grew up in that era, you should recognise these 13 ‘life lessons’ they always found a way to sneak into any and every movie.
1. Any woman you hire is plotting to steal your husband.
So, you better have juju you will use to fight her.
2. Anyone looking at you like this is planning to use you for blood money.
3. When you come back from America, you must wear cap and end every sentence with “…men”.
How else will people know you have entered plane?
4. When one doctor can’t diagnose you, the next step is obviously a babalawo.
No need for a second opinion.
5. When your stepmother offers you food, it’s because she has poisoned it.
6. Your mother-in-law is the reason you’re still not pregnant 3 months after getting married.
She has tied your womb inside her calabash.
7. This is the only pregnancy test you need:
What is malaria? You are already iya ibeji.
8. Your wife is sleeping with the gateman that is sleeping with the housegirl that you are sleeping with.
9. When anything you don’t like happens, it is surely the devil’s handwork.
The devil will just be on his own and Nollywood will be disturbing him.
10. Your romance has not started until you chase each other on the beach.
If there is no beach around you, travel and find one.
11. When you finish confessing your evil deeds, you either die or run mad.
So, just keep that confession to yourself.
12. When a cat passes the front of your house your village people have finally found you.
Better start kabashing.
13. Any girl that just came from America is an ashewo; the village ones are the only good ones.
Go and wife them immediately.