We all know that Disney princesses are not the best decision-makers, and even those who still had both parents in the picture, like Merida, or just one, like Ariel, still managed to make horrible, sometimes even life-threatening choices.
Now, imagine they all had Nigerian parents that stopped that innate stupidity before it manifested, either through rigorous prayer sessions or the strike of an eba stick. Well, let’s just say all our favourite Disney movies would be virtually non-existent.
1. Merida (Brave)
Merida vehemently refused to get married, used witchcraft to turn her mother into an animal, and then nearly killed her. Granted, it was mostly accidental, but when did actual intention ever matter?
It’s safe to say that if her parents were Nigerian, Merida would either be dead or in the village with her grandmother fixing her life.
2. Snow White (Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs)
Anyone with Nigerian parents would know better than to take anything, not to mention food from a stranger; much less a stranger who looks like this:
I mean, a Nigerian mother would teach you that before she even starts teaching you how to speak.
3. Ariel (The Little Mermaid)
In retrospect, King Tritan was way too soft on Ariel. How many Nigerian fathers would let their fifteen-year-old daughter sneak out with friends at night? Yeah, didn’t think so.
Ariel wouldn’t have even had the opportunity to see Eric, not to talk of selling her soul so she could go on a date with him. Like, HOW?
4. Aurora (Sleeping Beauty)
Maleficent, the King’s ex, actually gatecrashed Aurora’s naming ceremony to come and place a curse on her. Like, WOW!
Nope. Nah. Uhn-Uhn. A Nigerian mother would have dragged her out of that Owambe by her horns, and then proceeded to stab her with them.
5. Pocahontas (Pocahontas)
Do you remember when John Smith told Pocahontas “we improve the lives of savages…” Lmao! My God!
It already takes a small army to get a Nigerian parent on board with who you like, then imagine he is a foreigner that says stupid shit like that. You can be sure that love is already invalid.
6. Anna (Frozen)
Anna, one of the most recent Disney princesses we were introduced to, sang a love song and got engaged to the first man she met, on the first day she met him.
If any of our favourite Disney Princesses needed the classic (and thoroughly effective) Nigerian mother side-eye, it was certainly her.