7 Nigerians Talk About The Worst Sex They’ve Ever Had

September 30, 2020

Sex doesn’t always work out the way we hope it will. If you’re a sexually active adult, it’s very likely that you will have terrible sex at least once in your life.

So, I decided to ask a few Nigerians about the worst sex they’ve ever had. From a smelly vagina to an avalanche of vomit, these were 7 of the most interesting stories I got.

Farouk, 25/Male/Bisexual

My roommate and I had started fooling around, but since it was his first time with a guy, he always needed a bit of alcohol to give him the courage to get through it.

On the night we planned to go all the way, he drank a little too much. He ended up vomiting right on me. It was so much. I don’t think our relationship has been the same ever since.

Yewande, 18/Female/Straight

I had never had casual sex before, so I was both excited and nervous. I had only ever slept with one guy before him. He came over and seemed very confident. Then the nonsense started.

We had barely kissed and he was already pulling my hair and choking me. I don’t have a problem with either of these things, but it felt so unnatural. He was obviously trying to re-enact all the terrible pornos he’d watched. 

Then he went in, and all I can say is harder and faster is NOT always better. To make matters worse, he kept calling me by my Twitter name. It was so terrible, I had to stop it. I hope he reads this.

James, 28/Male/Straight

My main babe wasn’t around, so I had to find someone else to hook up with. I met this hot babe at a party and she came over that same night. With how quickly it happened, I wasn’t able to properly gauge her. 

The first thing that should have tipped me off to what was in store for me that night was the “aroma” of her wig. I assumed it was because she had been dancing, so I didn’t think much of it.

Anyway, we started making out, and as I was working my way down to eat her out, the stench hit me. I hadn’t even crossed her navel and it was already so intense. 

I came up for air and quickly got to thrusting. I couldn’t even enjoy that because I kept picturing maggots in my head. I got out of there as fast as I could and went to sleep. I blocked her the next day.

Mary, 22/Female/Bisexual

I’ve had a lot of bad experiences, but the worst one was with my ex-boyfriend. It was the very first time we had sex, and it was full of disappointments. 

He’s a very tall guy, so I was expecting his dick to be big. That was my first disappointment of the night. Then, he went on to chew on my labia and clitoris in the name of head. 

After all that, he couldn’t get it up. Then he started crying, saying that he had failed me. I was so confused because he wasn’t even a virgin. I slept over, so we decided to try again, but it was the exact same issue.

David, 31/Male/Gay

The night was a bit chilly, so he offered to give me a massage before we got started. I don’t know who sent him message, but he decided to use some Aboniki to help warm me up.

You can probably guess how this ended. Anyway, to cut the long story short, there was still some Aboniki residue on his fingers when he was applying lube on his dick. The burning sensation shot right through me.

Ada, 22/Female/Straight

I’ve only ever had bad sex once. I had recently broken up with my ex, so I was hooking up with this guy. We weren’t really friends; all we used to do was smash like rabbits. 

One day, he came over and asked me to only play with his balls. I did it for a long while, but he didn’t come. Then, when he was ready to leave, he just flipped me over, did five quick strokes and came. I was pissed. 

Then he got up, wiped his dick and saw blood — my period had just come. He got really paranoid and took the tissue with the blood home. Apparently, he thought I was a witch or something.

Ebuka, 28/Male/Straight

This babe just bent over and stayed there. Her back was straight like a desk, no gradient. Then when she got on top, I knew she wasn’t serious. She sat there like she was waiting for the bus. 

I finally got tired and faked an orgasm, so she could go to her house. It was extra annoying because this was my first time. She definitely set a bad precedent because I’ve faked a lot of orgasm since then.

QUIZ: How Good Are You In Bed?

Are you memorable or terrible? Take this quiz.

NerdEfiko

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

November 21, 2020

The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 30-year-ole heterosexual woman who entered a celibacy pact with her partner before marriage. She didn’t keep her end of the pact and often cheated on him. Now that she’s married and finally having sex, she feels sorry that she cheated.

December 14, 2019

Today’s subject is a 24-year-old bisexual Muslim woman. She takes us from Paris to Lagos and Abuja, through her search for girls in a homophobic community and her experiences with boys who refuse to follow instructions. When did you first get curious about sex? The first memory that comes to mind right now is when […]

September 1, 2020

Let it be known that I’m not proud of myself for thinking of this. Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, here are few bedroom slangs we can all borrow from Lagos traffic: 1) “Do you know who I am?” This is best used when your bedroom skills are in doubt. It’s sweeter […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

June 18, 2021

People love us for various reasons. Take this quiz and we’ll tell you what your friends love most about you. Relationships can be hard, and sometimes you just need someone to give you a bit of advice. Ask Ozzy is our new advice column where you send Zikoko the relationship questions that have been bugging […]

June 17, 2021

While smart investing is a sure way to build and retain wealth, it can be a daunting prospect for beginners. In the same vein, it is a lot easier when you understand the various options in which you can invest and ultimately grow your wealth. Here are some options you can consider when taking the […]

June 17, 2021

The BBNaija Lockdown Reunion (2020’s edition of Big Brother Naija) show will air on the 17th of June 2021. Keeping with the tradition of the show, the reunion will be hosted by Ebuka Obi Uchendu and will feature some of the BBN: Lockdown housemates talking about memorable moments from their season while also hashing out […]

June 17, 2021

Union Bank has announced a nationwide campaign to give away 55 Million Naira to new and existing customers in its ‘Save & Win Palli’ promo. This is another way the Bank is offering Nigerians some relief (a.k.a. ‘palliative’) from the economic hardship brought on by the COVID-19 pandemic and other issues. During the promo period […]

Recommended Quizzes

December 5, 2019

We already tried to guess how much you have in your account and your current net worth, and we think we did a pretty great job (keep any complaints to yourself). Now, we’re going to try and guess your monthly salary based on your relationship with money. Oya, take the quiz: 11 Timed Quizzes For […]

November 7, 2019

These days, everyone is always talking about how much sex they’re getting, or how little sex they’re getting, or how disgusting sex is etc. There’s just so much talk about sex, it’s almost impossible to know who’s lying and who’s telling the truth. In anticipation of our new series about the sex lives of young […]

April 9, 2020

At some point in life, we all learnt that someone can be very intelligent and still lack common sense. That’s the difference between being book smart and being street smart. If you’re not sure where on the spectrum you fall, well, that’s what this quiz is here to tell you. Take it:

November 25, 2019

We already guessed how many people you’ve slept with, and y’all were out here denying the truth. Anyway, we won’t hold that against you. This time, however, we’ve created a quiz that predicts who you’ll sleep with next — so you can either prepare or try (unsuccessfully) to prevent it. So, take and see:

how much of an ajebutter
February 12, 2020

Are you an ajebutter or not? Well, if you’ve gone through life blissfully unaware of its harshness, then you probably are. Now, we want to know just how high you rank on that ajebutter scale, using your food preferences as a (very accurate) measure. Take to find out:

More from Sex Life

June 12, 2021

Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians. The subject of today’s Sex Life is a heterosexual 25-year-old man who became obsessed with penises when he realised his penis was small. He talks about how having a small penis affects his […]

June 9, 2021

Since heaven is the goal, but your body is not firewood, here are some of the best sex positions that won’t ruin your heavenly race. 1) Missionary The people that named this sex position knew what they were doing. It is simple, straight forward and as old as time. People that have sex like this […]

June 5, 2021

Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians. The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 27-year gay man who has a reputation for being a player. He talks about how his reputation for sleeping around is affecting his sex life and […]

May 29, 2021

Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians. The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 28-year-old heterosexual woman who finds sex triggering and struggles to maintain romantic and sexual relationships due to past horrible and violent sexual experiences. She talks […]

May 22, 2021

Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians. The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 35-year-old woman who discovers she isn’t attracted to only men relatively late. She talks about finding out about her sexuality, how her husband helped her […]

May 15, 2021

Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians. The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 28-year-old gay man who recently discovered he is a side — a gay man who isn’t interested in penetrative sex. He talks about how this affects […]

May 7, 2021

The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 32-year-old woman who decided to stop having sex after she turned 30. She talks her toxic sex life in her 20s and how this decision has helped her improve the quality of her life, relationship and friendships.

May 1, 2021

The subject of this week’s sex life is a 32-year heterosexual woman who is tired of having sex. She talks about her very sexually active 20s and how today, nothing about sex excites her especially sex with her husband. What was your first sexual experience? In secondary school, there was a guy that I would […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X