And The Winners Are…

October 28, 2019

View this email in your browser

26 – 02 – 2019

This is Zikoko’s Game of Votes Weekly Dispatch. We share the most important things leading up to the 2019 General Elections, and why they matter. 5pm. Every Monday( oopsies 😊). Stay woke. 

IT’S 10 DAYS TO THE GOVERNORSHIP ELECTIONS.
And you’re getting this dispatch late because I kept waiting for the final results to be announced, but our stone-age collating system made sure it took three days to do so. Hate the player and the game.

BUHARI CAME UP TOP, BUT…

After making Nigerians suffer through hours and hours of this, our incumbent president — Muhammadu ‘ToldyouIwasgoingtowin’ Buhari, has finally emerged victorious against the former VP —  Atiku Abubakar to win the 2019 presidential elections. The PDP isn’t having it though, Atiku too.

Now Atiku held his own, coming out victorious in states like Abuja (ouch Bubs!), Benue, Oyo, Anambra and his home state of Adamawa, but Buhari floored him with downright disrespectful numbers in other areas.

So disrespectful in fact, I decided to play a little game of…

This.Don’t.Add.Up.

Now first things first, the Chairman of INEC himself – Mahmood Yakubu,  has admitted discrepancies between the number of accredited voters and the total number of votes cast, a.ka, they don’t add up. He has played it down to the difference being less than 2% and insignificant, but for an election as dicey as this, not good enough.
Then we have Borno state. What doesn’t make sense isn’t the fact that 955 205 Borno citizens came out to vote, despite suffering through multiple bombings only the morning of the elections — they displayed the same tenacity in the 2015 elections, at the height of the Boko Haram attacks.
Nope. What’s odd is fact that 836 496, freshly attacked voters, picked the same guy that assured them the Boko Haram scourge had been defeated.
And then there was this mess. I tried to make sense of this — officials were trying to make it in time to watch Barcelona’s match? The guy voting thinks he has the cutest prints and was selfishly hoarding the ballot from everyone else??  See it here also. It just doesn’t add up.
 

Here Are Your Other Winners.

Congratulations Nigeria, here are some of the notable names that will be charged with the running of state affairs for the next four years:
Ibrahim Oloriegbe — the APC Senatorial candidate, now charged with representation of Kwara Central in the National Assembly. He defeats Senator Bukola Saraki, the erstwhile President of the Senate to assume this role.
Rochas Okorocha: the statue-happy Governor can now swap the ‘Excellency’ title for the next level ‘Honourable’ tag. He has been announced the winner of the Imo West Senatorial seat.
Shina Peller: someone is going to be adding another feather to his magical hat, because Mr. Peller has been declared winner of the Iseyin federal constituency seat.
Other winners include Remi Tinubu who continues business as usual with the Lagos Central Senatorial Seat. Stella Oduah of the ₦255m BMW fame that year, also won the Anambra North Senatorial seat. Likewise Orji Uzor Kalu — the winner of the Abia North Senate seat.
Patrick Obahiagbon, our favourite sesquipedalian (he taught me that word), has lost the Edo South Senatorial seat to Matthew Urhoghide, leaving only Dino Melaye, who won his senatorial seat  — with the very serious task of entertaining us, over at the National Assembly.

That said, here are all the things that led up to the February 23rd elections:

NIGERIA, WE HAVE A PROBLEM.

On February 23rd, registered Nigerian voters gathered at polling units nationwide to partake in the hot mess that was the 2019 general elections.

The events that transpired were so spectacularly bad, we would be remiss to not give notable mention to the key players responsible:

Thanks INEC.

…For proving 4 years and an added week will never be enough time, if you just plain suck at planning.

Despite 8 am being the advertised start time for voting, many polling units didn’t begin the exercise until much later. So much so, the voting period was extended to make up for tardiness and logistics issues. These logistics issues? Malfunctioning card readers INEC had 4 years to fine-tune, the late arrival of election materials and missing names on the voter lists.

Thanks for showing the world, African time is no respecter of occasions guys.

We Can’t Forget The Ballot Box Snatchers!
Even though a literal threat of death was in the offing for ballot box snatching, several Nigerians with an obvious cupio dissolvi went ahead to do so anyway. Delta State was hit hard, with 3 lives lost in addition to a number of ballot boxes being stolen. Edo State was also affected, with voting in at least 2 LGAs disrupted by ballot box snatching. Lagos State was a whole other ball game, with fiends seen here, taking a jolly post-snatch stroll, ballot boxes in hand. Bayelsa and Rivers State were also affected. About 128 people have been arrested so far for alleged electoral violence.

And Of course, The Unlooking Policemen!
Last week, word spread of the horrible neglect corps members were subjected to — with very little provisions made for their accommodation, following the postponed elections. This week, even worse news made the rounds.

While performing their grossly under-appreciated civic duty — corps members serving as ad-hoc staff in Bonny, Rivers State escaped grievous harm when their polling unit was attacked by at least 20 gun men.

A video surfaced of corp members scurrying in a farm, left to their devices; despite police being present. Most damning was this image of a corp member carrying his injured colleague, in full view of seemingly unconcerned police men. Disgraceful.

BUHARI AND THAT LICENSE TO KILL.

Every so often, Buhari lets it slip just how much he misses the good old military regimes. No time was more apparent than February 18th, when he let it be known (publicly!), that he had given the military orders to be downright ruthless to anyone who attempted to steal ballots or disrupt polling units. He further threatened that anyone who attempted to do so, just might be performing their last unlawful action.

Go off then Bubs! But can someone please inform him there is a legal process to dealing with ballot thieves that does not involve military executions? Also, being a ‘democratic’ president, he would do well to not give the military the license to unfurl anarchy on the state? Please and thanks.

12 Presidential Candidates Risk It All For The Bubs.

12 presidential candidates from parties no one knew was running anyway (what is a Yes Party? Nigeria Element Progressive Party? 😕 ), decided supporting Buhari’s run for presidency two days to the elections was a grand idea. Yay for everybody… moving on.

Televised Addresses For Us? You Shouldn’t Have!

No really Bubs, you shouldn’t have.
After 4 years of mostly avoiding presidential addresses, Bubu — remembering he has a major election to win, quickly shed his camera-shy skin and dealt us not one, but two largely unnecessary addresses in the short span of two weeks.
The first address, held on the February 14th, was mostly a circuitous brag on the achievements of his administration; and this unfortunate brain fart. The second address was to encourage Nigerians to come out to vote.

THE TERRORS OF THIS RACE.

Alhaji Yusuf Yahaya, the APC Chairman of Yandoton Daji, Zamfara State, tragically lost his life to unidentified gunmen on February 23rd, in what is suspected to be a political attack.

Another worrying development is the arrest of Buba Galadima, whose kidnap came only hours after it was strongly suggested by Festus Keyamo, following Galadima’s alleged announcement that the presidential election had been won by Atiku Abubakar.

But perhaps most disconcerting are the tens or perhaps hundreds of unknown Nigerian lives marred and maimed for the elections, whose identities have been conscripted to a mere figure, or jumbled up in the litany of ‘lives and property’ affected by the elections.

 

 

The end of my watch is drawing nigh!

Remember to tell 5 people to catch this vibe before it’s gone forever. Or at least for the next four years.
Thanks!
 
Boyin
Z!KOKO

Share this 

Share

Tweet

Forward

Copyright © 2019 Big Cabal Media, All rights reserved.
You are receiving this email because you signed up at zikoko.com

Our mailing address is:

Big Cabal Media

14 James Robertson Street, Surulere, Lagos, Nigeria

Lagos 101283

Nigeria

Add us to your address book

Want to change how you receive these emails?
You can update your preferences or unsubscribe from this list.

Email Marketing Powered by Mailchimp

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

October 28, 2019

Plus, Abba Kyari: The Way, The Truth, And The Executive Life. View this email in your browser 22- 8 – 2019 This is Zikoko’s Game of Votes Weekly Dispatch. We share the most important things that happen in Nigeria every week. 5pm Thursdays. Stay woke.  1. OF PORTFOLIOS AND MEN. Congratulations are in order for members of […]

October 28, 2019

… And the perfect recipe for some beef. View this email in your browser 18- 7 – 2019 This is Zikoko’s Game of Votes Weekly Dispatch. We share the most important things that happen in Nigeria every week. 5pm Thursdays. Stay woke.  THAT’S CHIEF JUSTICE MUHAMMAD TANKO TO YOU! After 6 months of having to remind overzealous, […]

October 28, 2019

Forgotten Faces And Foreign Invasions. View this email in your browser 4 – 2 – 2019 This is Zikoko’s Game of Votes Weekly Dispatch. We share the most important things leading up to the 2019 General Elections, and why they matter. 5pm. Every Monday. Stay woke.  IT’S 12 DAYS TO THE GENERAL ELECTIONS And a baby got […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

What are you like in a relationship?
February 7, 2020

Your taste in music can say a lot about you, and this time, it’s going to reveal what you are like in a relationship. So, pick a few of your favourite Nigerian love songs, and we’ll let you know if you’re typically a distant, passionate or unbothered partner. Here you go:

November 20, 2019

Last month, we thoughtfully made a quiz telling you guys exactly when you’ll marry, but some of you claimed that your spouse was nowhere to be found. Well, now we’ve created one that’ll tell you exactly who you’ll be dragging down that aisle. Take and start planning that wedding: 11 Quizzes For Nigerians Who Are […]

November 12, 2019

Are you a single pringle, stuck in a complicated situationship or happily married to the love of your life? This quiz is here to guess your current relationship status, and as you know, Zikoko quizzes are incredibly accurate (don’t quote us). So, give a shot:

February 26, 2020

Are you all set for marriage, or are you still figuring it out? Well, if you’re curious to know the answer, then this is the quiz for you. All you have to do is create your own ideal Nollywood wedding film, and we’ll tell you if you’re ready to say “I do”. Go ahead:

More from Game of Votes

November 22, 2019

This is Zikoko’s Game of Votes Weekly Dispatch. We share the most important things that happen in Nigeria every week. 5pm Thursdays. Stay woke.  Beggi Beggi, E No Good O     Who knew Yahaya Bello, governor of Kogi State, was so influential? He definitely yields some kind of power over the who’s who in Nigerian politics if a whole Madame […]

November 22, 2019

This is Zikoko’s Game of Votes Weekly Dispatch. We share the most important things that happen in Nigeria every week. 5pm Thursdays. Stay woke.  Beggi Beggi, E No Good O     Who knew Yahaya Bello, governor of Kogi State, was so influential? He definitely yields some kind of power over the who’s who in Nigerian politics if a whole Madame […]

November 22, 2019

This is Zikoko’s Game of Votes Weekly Dispatch. We share the most important things that happen in Nigeria every week. 5pm Thursdays. Stay woke.  Beggi Beggi, E No Good O  Who knew Yahaya Bello, governor of Kogi State, was so influential? He definitely yields some kind of power over the who’s who in Nigerian politics if a whole Madame First […]

October 28, 2019

Nobody knows, but it’s provocative. View this email in your browser 24- 10 – 2019 This is Zikoko’s Game of Votes Weekly Dispatch. We share the most important things that happen in Nigeria every week. 5pm Thursdays. Stay woke.  WHY DID THE MINISTRY OF COMMUNICATIONS GET A FANCY NEW NAME?               […]

October 28, 2019

Here we go again. View this email in your browser 10- 10 – 2019 This is Zikoko’s Game of Votes Weekly Dispatch. We share the most important things that happen in Nigeria every week. 5pm Thursdays. Stay woke.  1. WHERE ARE OUR GIRLS? Because we are living in a country so far down the toilet, it has […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

September 13, 2022
Vs The World is a Zikoko original video series that follows best friends Astor and Hassan as they take on the world.
August 23, 2022
Zikoko Ships is a Zikoko Original series where we invite two people who share a relationship to play the Zikoko card games
December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X