Segun Akande, Author at Zikoko!

We can’t say what was going through the minds of the man who made the first social network–a platform called Six Degrees created in 1997. We do know that he definitely couldn’t have foreseen how Nigerians would step into social media platforms like…

As we’ve done with jollof rice, highlife and Vans, Nigerians have left their very delible mark on social media.

But for every set of young creatives showcasing their work to the world with a hashtag, there’s an annoying influencer who can stop tweeting.

These are the most annoying types of Nigerians on social media. Why? Because one minute, you’re watching cringe-worthy IG stories; the next day, you have malaria.

You can’t explain how these things harm people but you can, at least, run from them.

The Twitter Fact Accounts

This one is a bit personal because a popular fact account blocked me. My transgression? Pointing out that one of his facts was incorrect.

I even sent a link to the actual fact, because what use is your fact if it isn’t, you know, factual.

But these fact accounts don’t care. All it takes is for something big to happen like say a concert, and your entire TL is covered in tweets like “Davido is the first musician from Africa to have his music played on the moon”.

The more retweets it gets, the truer it becomes.

The Wannabe Music Journalist

Music was made to be listened to, right? Like just play it, be happy and go.

So I must have missed the memo when every person with an Apple Music subscription decided to analyse every single song and offer their thoughts on why Peruzzi will not blow unless he starts singing Trap.

I just hope you people can add these years of unsolicited consultancy to your CV.

The Full-Time Influencers

Charlie is an influencer. It says so in his bio.

Charlie swears he can get his followers to do anything he wants. Charlie has 17k followers on Twitter – 11k of them live in Hong Kong. He follows 18k.

Each morning, Charlie sends out a series of tweets and IG posts with different hashtags. Then he calls his friends to help him retweet and help his hustle.

Charlie also makes asinine comments about trending topics to extend his influence.

Charlie is a fraud.

The Outrage Merchants

The 22-year-old woman who sees everything done by Nigerian men, including new music from Davido, as an act of patriarchy.

The ‘profeshuna’ who wrote a whole ass thread because someone sent an emoji in a work email.

Some random guy in Ihiala who’s in Wizkid’s comments asking why he doesn’t make music with Igbo artistes.

The Anti-Feminist Warriors

These guys are in a super Whatsapp group where they plan out their activities. Usually, they decide on a mundane topic to talk about, like why today’s women don’t rub their husbands’ stomachs after a heavy meal because of feminism.

They decide which of their leaders will tweet first. Then they all furiously follow up by tweeting about that time they paid for a woman through school and she left them.

After a hard day’s work, each soldier DMs “Hey beautiful” to the same girl he’s been trying to strike a convo with since Sunday Mba won Nigeria the Nations Cup in 2013.

The Merchants Of Gloom

If you don’t like this photo, you will die after three working days. Guess what? I’m still alive, bitch. Geddifok with your negative energy.

Political Twitter

All your employers are thieves, please.

There’s no space for you on any moral high ground.

Tweet your fake news and campaign promises and go.

The People Who Can’t Hide Their Lack Of Home Training

One of the best parts about social media is the anon life.

It’s also one of the worst things because it can afford an unnamed pervert from Nowhere, Nigeria the chance to be as vile as he wants–with next to no repercussions.

He’s the one who’s responsible for posting that perverse video on Twitter that you played at work and almost got fired.

He’s the one who quotes all pro-feminism tweets with vile tweets about people’s mothers.

Dun worry though. One day, he’ll tweet a selfie by mistake and we’ll find him.

The Virtue Signallers aka Pick Me Twitter

“I saw a homeless man today. He asked me for money to buy bread but I gave him 60000 naira to rent a place and get a new phone. I’m so grateful that God uses me to help you”

“It hurts me so much to see people living in such poverty. That’s why I make sure my dad pays our gateman enough to have an okay life. So proud.”

“Discussing feminism with my guys and this one says his wife must cook for him. We’re in 2018 bro. I just need my wife to enjoy and use me as her footstool.”

Everybody Else

Yes, that’s right. Because even though most of you have sense, you just do weird things once in a while.

This reminds me of one of my smartest friends who deemed it fit to post a screenshot of his January account balance on Instagram stories.

Proof that silliness befalls everyone from time to time.
No matter how much the highs of a good year take the most avid fan, January inevitably brings with it one question; What next?

2018 was, in ways, a watershed moment in Nigerian music. A new king took the throne, a new queen sent out her statement of intent, and on the international stage, we won big.

The question will now be asked of the people who dominated the conversation in 2018, like Burna, and those who, like Peruzzi, have everything to prove.

These artists may still be reeling from the hangover of a very detty December but it’s never too early for new music.

Some of my faves have already announced they’ll be dropping new music this year. Others are, well, toying with our emotions.

But that never stopped anyone from expecting what we deserve. Definitely not me.

Davido – TBA

It seems like a century ago that Davido dropped that debut album.

Ice Prince was the superstar. Reminisce was finally breaking out. And Davido’s music seemed, to most casual fans, like a labour of love.

Now, he’s the big dog–record label chairman, international hitmaker and father of two daughters. He’s entering this year at the peak of his powers, with two of the best songwriters on his team and an expectant audience.

David’s mentions of the project have hardly gone past references to “My album…” but it’s almost certain OBO’s sophomore drops this year. The timing couldn’t be better. God safe us when it happens.

Maleek Berry – TBD

I can imagine a future where a white-haired former journalist explains to a room full of kids how a record producer reinvented himself as a pop star over the course of two brief, delicious EPs.

After learning the ropes as part of Wizkid and Wande Coal’s teams, Maleek is now a verified heavyweight on his own.

Now established on two continents, and already shaking the right hands in the US, Mr Berry’s debut is due, and he knows it.

Melodies abound for this man, and Maleek on his day can take you from Ikoyi to Rio in the same song.

That and his Afropop leanings have reflected on two stellar EPs–now it’s time for the coup de grace and the final chapter of a transition made in Gbedu Zion.

Santi – TBA

“Santino has this city in a headlock”–a tweet read after Santi, the mysterious, dreadlocked rager who makes anthems for a generation rocked a crowd of his peers to a sweat-soaked frenzy at a concert last December.

Over several years, Santi has built the cosigns, the records, the loyal cult following for the moments that are bound to come.

He may be little more than the face of the alternative music scene in Lagos now but almost everyone who’s a fan of the kid swears he’s the one.

After ending the year on a high with “Rapid Fire”, it’s a good thing that Santi began the year by announcing an album for January. We’ve been waiting for a while.

Wizkid – Made In Lagos

If you listen to the people who treat music as a lifeforce, the face of Afropop’s tour of the UK and the US is on his way back home.

Few pop stars can spend a decade topping charts while carrying a genre’s finest elements to new ears around the world.

But it would be unwise to count Wizkid out.

His fourth studio album has been touted as a return to the source – to Lagos and the overcrowded studios where it all began.

It may be where Wizkid finds the sauce to blow our minds again.

Burna Boy – TBA

Burna Boy’s 2018 was written in the stars–a beautiful story of overcoming one’s predilections that you could adapt into 30 languages.

But it’s over now. And no-one will know more than Burna that you’re only as good as the people’s last memory of you.

There’s word that last year’s “Outside” is the prelude to something else; a mixtape that took on bigger importance with an international record deal and a few collaborations.

Now Burna’s settled into big boy mode. Let’s see him swing for the stars.

Falz – TBA

Steady, consistent, calculated. Falz is a marketing course waiting to be studied. First introduced to us as a quirky, funny gimmick, Falz now comes up in conversations about new Felas and the best Nigerian rappers.

All of this while taking statues at award shows and offering poignant commentary.

He is in the big league now, which is why he must punch at even higher weights. Can Falz take Nigerian hip-hop to a new place? Can he take a very vacant throne even? What happens when he stops trying to be funny?

This could be the album that answers all those questions.

Tiwa Savage – TBA

The only woman in the game who can touch Tiwa lives in France.

Mummy Jam-Jam is proof that angels never die or get old.

Just when we thought we’d seen the best, Tiwa underwent a reinvention in 2018 helped undoubtedly by rumours of a fling with a certain Starboy.

Never mind that while all that was festering, she dropped one of the biggest songs of the year in “Ma Lo” and took a ride on the Duncan Mighty train with one of the better collaborations, “Lova Lova”.

The Tiwa who made R.E.D seems so far away now. Which is why this one has to drop that album so we can get to know her better.

Reminisce – TBA

Reminisce’s nickname literally translates to Chairman. Chairman in the sense of a gang leader who tries to usurp a king of boys, or an indigenous rapper who will hold his own in Queen’s English with the finest of the bunch.

Staying in the conversation in 2018 would have been enough for Reminisce, but the man’s role in one of 2018’s best movies reminded us of all the things we love about Baba Hafusa – grit, ambition and versatility.

2019 is the year where Alaga reminds us what he can do behind the mic.

Lady Donli – TBA

To some, she’s the female face of the Alte community. To others, she’s the unknown young singer who made a criminally brief festival on the intro to Mr Eazi’s 2018 album, “London To Lagos”.

Either way, Lady Donli is coming for your necks in a flowing dress, with cowries in her locks and the sensation of an old soul.

After a year spent in bars and arenas in Europe and North America, she’s back at home.

Her tweets suggest she’s in the studio, and with the experiences she’s gathered on the road for inspiration, we won’t be against Lady Donli striking gold on her debut.

Runtown – TBA

Runtown is like the uncle from Texas who we hardly hear from, until he calls on a Friday afternoon and the entire family gathers around the phone like loyal fans. Label battles have played their part in keeping him away for stints at a time but the singer says the worst is in the past now. If songs like “Oh Oh Oh (Lucie)” and “No Permission” are anything to go by, Runtown has finally found his aesthetic.

It may seem obvious that we’ll get the laid-back, dreamy Afropop he silenced doubters with in 2016, but that’s fine because it’s just what we want.

Teni – TBA

Love abounds for Teni. Unknown to most at the start of the year, she ended 2018 as the year’s biggest revelation, a viral sensation that is fiercely loved by her fans. Teni ticks all the boxes that should matter–she has the range, she writes like a ghetto poet and her talent for making songs is freakish–as evidenced in those Instagram videos where she makes demos out of unsuspecting friends.

She’s begun the year with a headstart–the absolutely uplifting “Uyo Meyo” and if we can rely on her record, another single should be in the offing.

Few Nigerian prodigies have ignored such raw desire for their music over time.

In Teni’s case, it would be almost criminal, because we know Makanaki can pull off something beautiful.

Tekno – TBA

As with most nascent spaces, Nigerian music has regularly churned out a new successor (or pretender to the throne) each year–one artist who changes the texture of the popular sound, puts out the year’s biggest single or just shows an astounding level of promise.

In 2017, that person was Tekno. Yet, despite heavy demand for a full body of work, Tekno chose to ride out on the strength of singles.

There is little doubt that the man knows his stuff–melody and an innate sense of rhythm drive his music and has also provided hits for peers like Davido.

Sadly, illness ultimately slowed down his pace as 2018 wound down.

With all the big dogs dropping this year, it might be time for Tekno to put his hat in the race and finally claim his place.
On November 5, 2018, while some unlucky student was fighting for the last seat in the Keke so he could get to school early, the Academic Staff Union of Universities began an indefinite strike.

The reason? Well, according to ASUU, the Federal Government has been doing them wayo for a minute.

The men in Abuja have refused to approve better salaries or pay agreed allowances for lecturers in public universities.

Lowkey, this strike is just a rebirth of one that supposedly ended in September 2017.

When he was calling the lecturers to arms, The National President of the Union, Prof. Biodun Ogunyemi said something along the lines that the lecturers will not resume until “government fully implements all outstanding issues as contained in the MOA of 2017, and concludes the renegotiation of the 2009 agreements.”

So, what is this MOA?

It’s simply a memorandum–an agreement with terms that the FG agreed to fulfil in the coming future.

Apparently, a day in real life is equivalent to 10 years in Aso Rock.

Think of the Memorandum as a final attempt to ensure some decorum, like when the Barbers Association agrees on prices for haircuts and makes all the barbers paste it on their mirrors. Why would that be necessary, you ask?

Well, the FG and ASUU have been at it for quite a while. In the last 19 years, ASUU has had to pull out the lecturers for a cumulative 40 months.

40 months equals three years and four months. That’s six months less than a presidential term. That’s six months less than it should take to get a Bachelor’s Degree.

What it means is that, if you spent four years in a Nigerian University, odds are you were out of school for an average of eight months.

That’s one month less than it takes to make a baby, which then explains a lot of things.

It’s created a very big problem for ASUU. Everyone knows that thunder hardly strikes in the same place but ASUU has been doing it for decades.

So when the issue of gaps in our academic calendars comes up, the blame mostly goes in one direction – The Academic Staff Union of Nigerian Universities aka ‘ASUU’ aka “Super Strikers” aka “Sango’s Children” aka… the names go on.

The truth though is that most of these strikes happen over money.

That’s right – we all have the same problems, even when you’re an association with hundreds of members in the 60s and 70s.

For years, ASUU has maintained education deserves a larger chunk of the budget than it gets. And they’re right.

Over 60% of Nigeria’s population is aged below 25 i.e people who should be getting an education.

Yet, only a measly 7% of the 2018 budget was allocated for education at all levels.

For context, the United Nations recommends that all countries allocate 26% of their national budgets to education.

But Naija no dey ever hear word.

Remember something about the ‘renegotiation of the 2009 agreements’?

Well, every time ASUU goes on strike, the FG pulls out its mediators, holds several meetings at midnight with the lecturers, agrees to a new set of terms.

The strike gets called off.

And everyone moves on.

Till they remember nothing has changed.

Rinse, Repeat.

It’s a vicious cycle. While the rest of the country resumes work or school today, undergraduates around the country will have their lives on hold for the 63rd day running.

Despite seven meetings, ASUU and the FG have failed to reach an agreement on a way forward.

After a meeting at the end of December 2018, ASUU’s Oga at the Top dropped the names of 11 universities where lecturers are underpaid’.

He also said “the government kept saying they were working on it. If they pay that money, we will have something to take back to our members.”

So, yes, money is the problem. But odds are if you asked the FG, you’d get one response…

It’s now two months and counting since students around the country were made to start their Christmas holidays early, or take quick vacations to bae’s house.

You’ve heard all the regular bits of advice by now; learn a trade, read some books, travel (if you have dollars), pick up a hobby, and put your time to good use.

Either way, negotiations are ongoing. ASUU and the FG have scheduled another meeting for Monday, January 7.

Let’s hope the money flows and the halls can be filled again.

Whatever happens, we’ll let you know.

You can bet on it.
Described as an artist running out of second chances, Burna Boy was his own biggest problem going into 2018.

The self-destructive auteur had managed every step on the path to fulfilling his doubtless talent–the debut single, mixtape and album trio, nationwide hits, the international record deal even.

But every two steps forward had come with a display of the moonwalk–alarmingly deliberate moves, beautiful even, but with only one victim; Burna himself.

Damini Ogulu has always tethered on that line–the one habited by the gang members of hip-hop, Afropop’s internet fraudsters–where socially prominent individuals are often linked with criminal behaviour.

His stint in Port Harcourt’s underground scene came after he reportedly violated his parole by leaving the UK, following a rumoured 10-month jail term in that country.

However true those rumours are, his role in the kidnap and assault of fellow Port Harcourt artiste, 2kay served a reminder of who he could be.

After a year of dominating social conversations with the keyword “underrated”, amidst claims that he was in the studio with everyone from Madonna to Drake, something had to give.

https://twitter.com/DerinAdeosun/status/937751737632526338

You could be mistaken for expecting that Burna would adopt a more friendly, easily digestible image.

Burna has always insisted there is no method to his madness.

So it was somewhat surprising that the same artiste who in a 2017 interview, likened describing the spirit that leads him to “explain(ing) what the air is like” decided instead to let us into his puzzling world, as best he could.

It would give him the best year of his career, and maybe his life, yet.

On the 26th of January, while the year slithered to a deceptively slow start, Burna Boy released his third studio album, “Outside”.

The album immediately stood out for its ambitious genre-bending.

It was described by Pitchfork’s Claire Lobenfeld as “a fine lesson in mixing genres without making mud”–high praise coming from an American pop/rock magazine.

From tracks like “Giddem” to “Devil in California”, Outside made a cohesive case for Burna’s palate and in doing so, gave us some of his best music yet.

But an often overlooked side of that album is that Burna, known for cryptic remarks that hardly seem to make any sense in the moment, left himself–bare and unbridled–on wax

Like one of those hardbacks with one-word titles that Mother warned you against reading in your teens.

One of the album openers, PH City Vibration is an autobiographical ride through the city of his birth, Port Harcourt.

“And I was born inna the teaching hospital/The 2nd of July of 1991/I no dey stay too far from Liberation stadium”, he sings, before dropping a nod to “Rumuigbo where the high grade burn”, the busy neighbourhood with its night market where he is believed to have grown up.

Pop stars are often seen as products first, then multifaceted individuals second.

It is an approach that does Burna no justice. On the surface, he seems like a mindless brat.

Yet on “Outside”, he sings “Before me mama cry and her eyes start swell, cause her son end up like Vybz Kartel”, a reference to the Jamaican superstar whose ties to the street life nabbed him a life sentence in 2014.

It’s somewhat poignant that Burna chose the title “Outside” for his album and the tag “Outsiders” for his fans because, in a sense, he has always been one.

He may believe himself to be the chosen one, but his biggest contemporaries–Wizkid and Davido–have been blessed with fans who identify with them.

Wizkid is the underdog who climbed to the stars – an ultimate point of reference for the Nigerian dream.

Davido has been the direct opposite–born into wealth, yet determined to earn his name.

Burna sits in the middle. He is not poor by Nigerian standards–one doesn’t move to the UK and live there for years on sheer goodwill.

Neither is he an aspirational figure.

When we think about Burna, we don’t think about status and that has been, in some ways, a problem.

We often deny how invested we are in our favourite artists–from the forlorn writer to the sultry singer.

We project our ambitions unto those we can most relate to in the hopes that they can make their dreams, and ours, come true.

Up until now, Burna never left any room for that.

What he has always offered is a complex, brazen personality.

His attempts to let us in this year changed everything.

From leaving more crumbs of his gang affiliation scattered on loosies like “Agbada”. to making more mentions of his late friend, Gambo.

From explaining how he was shaped by a city ‘where nobody believes in us so we believe in ourselves’ to admitting, finally, his fear of not realising his own potential.

All these, one at a time, allowed us to make that emotional leap of faith nf give the man his due.

Away from the distractions of tabloid headlines and more markedly, his own tendencies, Burna gave us a run for the ages and his first controversy-free year.

International collaborations lined up in the right places.

The hits were never in short supply–he sat in the top 5% of Apple Music’s Top 100 tracks from its launch until the last day of the year.

More singles also came as the year wound down – “All My Life”, “Gbona” and “On The Low”.

Sold-out shows peaked with his ascension at the O2 Brixton and culminated with his first solo show since 2013, “Burna Live”.

On his most anticipated public appearance this year, Burna showed up over four hours late to his stage.

There is a graveyard of tweets in protest at his lateness, but when the man climbed on stage, his people claimed him, in loud screams, in shouts of “Burna”, “Rankin” and all the other nicknames he has come to be known by.

His time had come. The enfant terrible had become the golden child.

How else does one say this?–Burna won everything this year.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BsDBCUInSZf/

Detty Disembaa showed that no song from 2018 is nearly as anthemic as “Ye”.

There’s more. The relevance of collaborations like “African Star” with Sauti Sol, “Sunshine Riptide” with Fall Out Boy and “All My Life” with Major Lazer should not be understated.

His ascension to cultural icon status on two different continents, in the same year, is unmatched by his contemporaries in 2018.

There is no way to know if this time in the sun can be sustained.

There may be no method to Burna’s madness.

The man himself has said he doesn’t plan anything because plans end up never coming true. I’m inclined to agree.

But if he is the pre-ordained one, if he was truly Burna before he was born, then 2018 may end up being a mere footnote in his rise.

One thing is clear.

In a space saturated by many versions of the same skinny-jeans-clad, hit-seeking singers, with the same dreadlocks, as if to suggest they came off a production line, there is only one Burna.
You’ve heard it all before. Nollywood, Nigeria’s super-prolific movie industry is wack.

Nollywood has given us movies like “Ti Oluwa N’ile” that raised us in the absence of our parents.

Yet Nigerians, especially the younger generation seem to have a healthy distaste for the quality of movies that make it out of Nollywood and for the industry itself.

But if you look closely, you’ll find that Nollywood is a rare gem and we actually won’t die if we just appreciate its greatness.

Here are a couple of things that prove we don’t really deserve Nollywood.

Ain’t Nobody Got Numbers Like Us (Except India, Of Course)

Nigeria’s movie industry is the 2nd largest in the world. What that means is that we produce the 2nd highest number of movies – 2000 of them every year – in the world. That’s a lot considering many filmmakers don’t have access to funding, and the industry is largely unstructured, meaning movies like “Return of Iron Man (Season 1-12) almost never make the numbers. Put some respek on those figures plis.

… And The People Are Watching From All Over

Nigerian movies are the most consumed on the African continent.

Yes, they may have 15-minute-long scenes where Desmond Elliot is simply walking through a mall to depressing music, but the people love it.

Nigerian movies are a fan favourite in countries as far away as Rwanda and Kenya – where many locals have learned to speak in Nigerian accents and Nollywood actors are A-list stars.

There’s also Youtube where RealNollywoodClips, a channel that shares Nollywood movies, has over 3,000,000 subscribers and over 1,000,000,000 views. Ees nor a small thing.

It’s Grown So Much That It Has Its Own Ecosystem

There’s no better proof of how massive Nollywood is than the brands and businesses that now thrive off it.

Nollywood is the reason DSTV has Africa Magic; a chain of six channels that offer nothing but Nigerian movies round the clock, 7 days a week.

Thanks to Nollywood, Asaba is a movie production hub that employs thousands of young men and women. And then there’s Aba – particularly Pound Road and Iweka Road. If you don’t know, you better ask somebody.

And All That Goodness Comes With Free Life Lessons

To be fair, you can get a good movie from just about anywhere.

But how many movies can teach you the simple life lesson that stolen crowns are heavy on the head (like Tunde Kelani’s Saworoide)?

How many movies can explain how ill-gotten wealth only brings grave consequences (S/O to Last Burial) while taking control of your bladder and leaving you wondering if God isn’t already angry at you for all the bad things you’ve been thinking of doing.

While I’m sure you’ve learned your fair share of lessons from Pete Edochie and Kanayo O. Kanayo, you should watch the cast of Nigerians Talk discuss Nollywood and share their learnings.

Drop whatever it is you’re doing and fall in love with Nollywood again on this episode.
Independence.

From the moment it dawns on you that people don’t remain their parents’ responsibility forever (more on this later), you begin to crave that life of your own – one where you’re in complete control of your affairs.

You dream of it – and mumble it under your breath when they get you angry. It’s only a matter of time – you’ll get a place of your own and your actual life will finally begin.

Bitch you thought!

The thing is, even if you’re one of those people they have to chase out with prayer and death threats, no-one ever tells you what to expect when you eventually decide to move out.

No-one ever tells you how you’ll pay through your nose for that independence you’ve been crying for.

You see, dreams come true, but no-one ever talks about the price tag.

These are just 5 of those things you should prepare for as you decide to move out.

TOTAL PACKAGE

The first thing that drops on your mind when you’re moving out is the cost of rent.

What you should be concerned about though is a little something called total package – the cost of rent PLUS commission, agreement, legal fees and a sum of other excuses for the landlord to bleed you dry.

By the time all of this comes together, you’re looking at an amount that is almost twice the cost of rent.

Guess where you don’t have to even pay half package? Your father’s house.

BILLS

The first bill I ever got after I moved out was for electricity. As I stared at the 16,000 naira written at the bottom of the sheet, I suddenly remembered that our forebearers lived without electricity and they didn’t die.

Moving out means you are responsible for yourself and you have to pay for all those trivial things you always thought God gave everyone for free, like water.

LONELINESS

I have a theory that Akon recorded that Lonely song after he made small money and finally moved into his first big house.

Living with a family means there’s almost always someone to talk to, even when you think they’re pestering you.

When you move out, except you have a PlayStation 4 Pro and an unlimited supply of small chops, you’ll find that it is each man to his tent and more often than not, you’ll be all by yourself.

Sing it with me one time: “Lonely, I’m Mr Lonely, I have Nobody, ON MY OWWWWNNNN”

SPELLS OF POVERTY

When you move out, one of the biggest things you lose is your safety net. Remember all those times when you would hit a rough patch and you’d run a quick errand to con your parents out of some quick handy cash. Look at that time in the rearview mirror. Once you move out, your financial security is all in your hands. God forbid you have to go back home to beg for money. You’ll probably meet your father at the bus stop with a placard that reads “Told You So”.

Of Course, It’s Up To You To Decide If Moving Out Is Worth All This Stress.

If you need some help, the cast of Nigerians Talk shares their thoughts on Moving Out in the new episode. Watch that here and please, choose wisely. Total package is expensive af.
Afropop loves the female form.

Bar money, it is its favourite thing to talk about. So when Minz begins his ode to his interest’s skin – “Me love all your skin, Me love how you glow”, it is not entirely strange.

After a relatively quiet year, the singer/producer’s first release of 2018 takes a more laidback approach.

It comes after the success of 2017’s “Odoyewu” and a growing fanbase built up expectations for an artist who many see as the alte generation’s Afropop voice.

After stocking up his repertoire of dance hits, Minz seems to be hinting at a new more globally-inclusive tilt on his approach to popular sound.

A few souvenirs from Afro-Swing, the UK’s answer to Afropop, appear prominently on the song.

“Skin” also borrows a leaf from the melody-intensive form of songwriting that we’ve come to love acts like Tekno for. Unlike the latter’s offerings though, the story remains the same through the song. There is no karate or mathematics.

Minz lures a very attractive love interest with offers of the very obvious things he wants to do to her – if she will just give him the chance.

It is a familiar trope that works because Minz sounds like he really loves that skin.

Another, more likely reason, is that Minz knows his way around a song.

“Skin” is perfect for the moments before the house party becomes a festival. Or better, the turndown when your energy levels will only let you snuggle up to a warm body and let the music you through the night.

Thank God for women who look after their skin.
Almost everyone has been there before; the emotional abyss that is unrequited love.

You like her and you think she likes you back. But you’re the only one who can see it.

Sometimes it’s easy to tell that you’re jonzing and your infatuation is a one-way street

Other times, your Disney upbringing gets the better of you.

Most times, the whole thing starts innocently, or so you think.

You can’t see that little-winger mother****** , lurking in the corner, trying to kill you.

That’s why you didn’t think anything of it when you first met in the most unintended circumstances.

“I was sitting in a corner, babe. You were in a sitting in another corner, sitting at a table for two…”

But then you got home and you couldn’t get her out of your head.

E dey happen. Embrace your feelings and all that level.

As a sharp guy, you try to create situations where you can breathe the same air for a while.

There. Is. No. Such. Thing. As. Coincidence.

And then she takes them with aplomb.

So you go in for the kill.

Put her on lockdown. Get Money. Make tiny kings and queens. You have it all planned out.

But it doesn’t go as planned.

This can happen in a number of ways but because we are sadomasochists, we will not go into them now.

But you chalk it down to her playing hard to get.

Aspire and perspire to acquire what you desire – Fela Durotoye

So you re-strategise and go looking again.

I like woman. I dey straightforward o!

But this time, she just keeps you hanging.

As a true believer, you look forward – with hope.

By the time you realise what’s going on, you’ve lost something.

Time. Self-respect. Or even worse, your money!

Or even worse, you crossed a red line.

No means no – but some of you still can’t process simple phrases.

That’s why it’s better to let people say what they want – especially the opposite sex.

If it’s gonna happen, it will happen. This isn’t One Tree Hill for chrissake.
I may be alone here, but when I was younger, December was all about family.

It was the one time when everyone would come home from around the country and my Uncle Leke would visit with a trunk filled with Fan Ice.

Then I grew up and learned that everyone reacts to December in a different way.

Christmas always draws some weirdness out of the most familiar people – and some new people into your periphery.

There are the people who have moved to Lagos for the holidays to make a point.

“Them think say them get two heads”, “this Lagos, we go rock am”, he says to the boys at the Ojota park as he gets in an Uber to Agungi on a Friday night.

They don’t realise the people who really have money to spend are around too.

Complete with their newly-downloaded Scottish accents and a currency that has been carrying shoulder for a while.

The people who can’t speak ‘innit’ that you see around them in the club are their old friends from Nigerian universities.

A truly symbiotic relationship.

But while they’re trying to spend money, some people are looking to make it.

It’s like they hibernate till November and wake up to sell bales of Christmas lace to unwitting masses.

You can’t possibly miss the guy who has sacrificed their souls to Christmas cheer.

He’ll start wearing Christmas hats to work on December 1. He’s the same guy who’ll suggest you have a bootleg Father Christmas at the office end-of-year party.

Unlike those who suddenly get tired of life and swear to change the world next year.

The Patron Saints of New Year’s Resolutions and Getting Drunk on January 1st.

There are, of course, the joyless who don’t see what the fuss is about

You can listen to their TED talk on how Christmas is a consumer product.

Some people are just thankful for the opportunity to rest

Can a human sleep for three days straight? Let’s find out.

And then there’s you – you just came here to eat.

A December to remember in kilograms.

Most times, though, December just forces you to look back at all you have to be thankful for

“Count ya blessings, name them one by one”

If you think you don’t have much to look back on, there’s always 2019, and we’re stepping into it like…
By the time you leave a Nigerian university, you’re probably thinking of yourself as a worn-out old person who can’t wait for a new life.

That’s because, by your third or fourth year, you’re probably saying this a lot – “I’m tired of this school”.

Becoming jaded takes time though.

Was it not last week that you took photos at Motion Ground and printed 20 copies for posterity?

Remember your face when you found out you’d been accepted into a university.

When you saw you wouldn’t have to write JAMB for one more year and you promised God that you would change the world.

Then you found out you had joined a glorified secondary school.

But you were still full of hope. Nothing could take you down.

But it all changed the first time your lecturer said you wouldn’t make it in life.

FY bro. Can you make an electro beat on FL?

Then ASUU collaborated with Thor to strike for the whole year

Because the thunder that should fire them is already keeping you at home.

When you decided you would make the best of the situation

“If we no get joy, wetin we gain” – Victor AD, 2018.

Then your grades started twisting and turning.

Looking at exam results like somebody has stolen your brain. That’s the only explanation.

The first time you got bullied.

You thought this thing ended in secondary school. Now you’re asking God why this particular affliction rose a second time.

That time you considered not going back after the holidays.

What’s the worst that could happen? Sell pink lips cream at Computer Village?

But you certainly look forward to joining the old guard in 400 level

It is your duty to maintain balance and order, one that is fulfilled by sharing wisdom in the form of parables like “Alligator na lizard wey go gym”.

Then it all comes to an end – and there’ll be only one song on your lips.

Welcome to the real world, the labour market, the school of hard knocks or whatever depressing name people use to describe life after university.

It’s true that things are hard out here but it’s down to how much effort you want to put in.

In the immortal words of the urban philosopher, J.Cole, “choose wisely”

We can’t say what was going through the minds of the man who made the first social network–a platform called Six Degrees created in 1997. We do know that he definitely couldn’t have foreseen how Nigerians would step into social media platforms like…

The Twitter Fact Accounts

The Wannabe Music Journalist

The Full-Time Influencers

The Outrage Merchants

The Anti-Feminist Warriors

The Merchants Of Gloom

Political Twitter

The People Who Can’t Hide Their Lack Of Home Training

The Virtue Signallers aka Pick Me Twitter

Everybody Else

No matter how much the highs of a good year take the most avid fan, January inevitably brings with it one question; What next?

Davido – TBA

Maleek Berry – TBD

Santi – TBA

Wizkid – Made In Lagos

Burna Boy – TBA

Falz – TBA

Tiwa Savage – TBA

Reminisce – TBA

Lady Donli – TBA

Runtown – TBA

Teni – TBA

Tekno – TBA

On November 5, 2018, while some unlucky student was fighting for the last seat in the Keke so he could get to school early, the Academic Staff Union of Universities began an indefinite strike.

Lowkey, this strike is just a rebirth of one that supposedly ended in September 2017.

So, what is this MOA?

Well, the FG and ASUU have been at it for quite a while. In the last 19 years, ASUU has had to pull out the lecturers for a cumulative 40 months.

It’s created a very big problem for ASUU. Everyone knows that thunder hardly strikes in the same place but ASUU has been doing it for decades.

For years, ASUU has maintained education deserves a larger chunk of the budget than it gets. And they’re right.

Remember something about the ‘renegotiation of the 2009 agreements’?

It’s a vicious cycle. While the rest of the country resumes work or school today, undergraduates around the country will have their lives on hold for the 63rd day running.

So, yes, money is the problem. But odds are if you asked the FG, you’d get one response…

Either way, negotiations are ongoing. ASUU and the FG have scheduled another meeting for Monday, January 7.

Described as an artist running out of second chances, Burna Boy was his own biggest problem going into 2018.

Damini Ogulu has always tethered on that line–the one habited by the gang members of hip-hop, Afropop’s internet fraudsters–where socially prominent individuals are often linked with criminal behaviour.

After a year of dominating social conversations with the keyword “underrated”, amidst claims that he was in the studio with everyone from Madonna to Drake, something had to give.

It would give him the best year of his career, and maybe his life, yet.

But an often overlooked side of that album is that Burna, known for cryptic remarks that hardly seem to make any sense in the moment, left himself–bare and unbridled–on wax

Pop stars are often seen as products first, then multifaceted individuals second.

It’s somewhat poignant that Burna chose the title “Outside” for his album and the tag “Outsiders” for his fans because, in a sense, he has always been one.

We often deny how invested we are in our favourite artists–from the forlorn writer to the sultry singer.

Away from the distractions of tabloid headlines and more markedly, his own tendencies, Burna gave us a run for the ages and his first controversy-free year.

On his most anticipated public appearance this year, Burna showed up over four hours late to his stage.

How else does one say this?–Burna won everything this year.

There is no way to know if this time in the sun can be sustained.

One thing is clear.

You’ve heard it all before. Nollywood, Nigeria’s super-prolific movie industry is wack.

But if you look closely, you’ll find that Nollywood is a rare gem and we actually won’t die if we just appreciate its greatness.

Ain’t Nobody Got Numbers Like Us (Except India, Of Course)

… And The People Are Watching From All Over

It’s Grown So Much That It Has Its Own Ecosystem

And All That Goodness Comes With Free Life Lessons

While I’m sure you’ve learned your fair share of lessons from Pete Edochie and Kanayo O. Kanayo, you should watch the cast of Nigerians Talk discuss Nollywood and share their learnings.

Independence.

Bitch you thought!

TOTAL PACKAGE

BILLS

LONELINESS

SPELLS OF POVERTY

Of Course, It’s Up To You To Decide If Moving Out Is Worth All This Stress.

Afropop loves the female form.

After stocking up his repertoire of dance hits, Minz seems to be hinting at a new more globally-inclusive tilt on his approach to popular sound.

Another, more likely reason, is that Minz knows his way around a song.

Almost everyone has been there before; the emotional abyss that is unrequited love.

Sometimes it’s easy to tell that you’re jonzing and your infatuation is a one-way street

Most times, the whole thing starts innocently, or so you think.

That’s why you didn’t think anything of it when you first met in the most unintended circumstances.

But then you got home and you couldn’t get her out of your head.

As a sharp guy, you try to create situations where you can breathe the same air for a while.

And then she takes them with aplomb.

So you go in for the kill.

But it doesn’t go as planned.

But you chalk it down to her playing hard to get.

So you re-strategise and go looking again.

But this time, she just keeps you hanging.

By the time you realise what’s going on, you’ve lost something.

Or even worse, you crossed a red line.

That’s why it’s better to let people say what they want – especially the opposite sex.

I may be alone here, but when I was younger, December was all about family.