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  • The first time I stumbled upon a tweet by Ben Murray-Bruce, I stared at it for a couple of minutes trying to decide if the tweet was meant to be satirical or not. I still don’t know.

    Don’t get me wrong, it’s one of my favorite Twitter accounts these days. And he actually drops the occasional gem, as well as ideas clearly laced with his passion for the country.

    Sure, the occasional ridiculous tweet still sneaks in; although, thankfully not as much.

    But a while ago, I could have bet my salary that he wasn’t behind it.The tweets weren’t as funny as the ones the GEJ parody account, @NotGoodluck blessed us with, but they were just as ridiculous, if not more.

    I was able to dig up a few for you guys; please tell me I wasn’t crazy for questioning this account’s credibility:

    So, do you guys think the account is actually run by him or not? Please sound off in the comments section.

     

  •  

    There is a pretty clear lack of diversity when it comes to the emojis we get to use on our iOS, Android and Windows devices (we’ll get into that some other time), but that doesn’t mean we can’t make do with what we have.

    So here are a number of popular emojis, that can be used to give that popular Nigerian expression a little boost:

    1. Mogbe

    Mogbe

    What it means: I’m in trouble. The hand on the head gesture is just the typical Nigerian histrionic we’ve come to love.

     2. Aunty!

    Aunty

    What it means: Well, considering most Nigerians would even call a stranger ‘Aunty’,  the best way to get the person’s attention is by also raising your hand while you call out.

    3. Chop Knuckle

    . chop knuckle

    What it means: This is a Nigerian greeting that’s almost as popular, if not more, than the handshake. Plus they spread less germs.

    4. Olorun Maje

    Olorun maje

    What it means: “God forbid.” Used when your village witches are trying to get at you.

    5. Ntoo

    Ntoi

    What it means: Used to mock someone when something bad happens to them. Usually paired with a sarcastic “good for you.”

    6. Dobale

    Dobale

    What it means: “Prostrate.” Used to greet, but mostly to beg. The favorite of Nigerian police officers trying to get “something for the boys”.

    7. Eja Nla

    eja nla

    What it means: “Big Fish.” This is a title for ‘big boys.’ Please, don’t ask me to explain why.

    8. Na God

    na God

    What it means: Nigerians rarely like taking credit for anything. So yeah, God did it.

    9. Abeg Abeg Abeg

    Abeg AbegAbeg AbegAbeg Abeg

     

    What it means: This is like our version of air quotes. Typically used between a judgmental rant for emphasis.

    10. Aka Gum

    Aka gum

    What it means: Used to represent anyone that’s tight-fisted/greedy, or even a rich man that just doesn’t go around dashing everyone money.

    11. Badoo

    Badoo

    What it means: This is like the junior brother or first cousin to the ‘Eja Nla’ title. It means you’re a bad guy, but in a good way; if that makes sense.

    12. Tuale

    Tuale

    What it means: “Respect.” At this point you can already tell that Nigerians just love to praise and flatter, this is just another popular way. One of many.

    13. Chineke!/Jesu/Jesus

    Chineke

    What it means: I know we aren’t meant to call the Lord’s name in vain and all, but sometimes it really is the best reaction, and Nigerians aren’t exempt; in numerous languages, even.

    14.  Waka/Shege

    Waka

    What it means: This typically means “Your father” in an insulting way of course, but depending on the context, it can go from “God punish you” to “You’re mad.”

    15. Asko/ Shior

    shior

    What it means: Just think of it as our version of ‘talk to the hand.’

    16. Side eye/Eyeing you

    Wetin - Zikoko

    What it means: To show annoyance or impatience.

    17. E no consine me

    Waka pass - Zikoko

    What it means: It’s none of my business or just passing through.

     

    Did we miss anything? Please sound off in the comments section below.

     


  • Discovering people that do more than post what they are having for breakfast, is just one of the reasons I’ll never stop going down the Instagram rabbit hole.

    Luckily, I recently came across the work of talented illustrator Okhai (@leankid), who blessed his Instagram followers with beautiful illustrations of some of Lagos’ most stylish men, and I’m about to bless you guys too.

    These were the fashionistos that made it into his Rad Men series; from style bloggers, to style enthusiasts:

    1. Denola Grey

    https://instagram.com/p/4v2cyRzThQ/?taken-by=leankid

    https://instagram.com/p/2Lhzz3Rm9l/?taken-by=denolagrey

    2. Adedeji Olajide

    https://instagram.com/p/4s_yQ3TTlm/

    https://instagram.com/p/4n9goUse5R/?taken-by=jidereason

    3. Mr. Atafo

    https://instagram.com/p/4qVwajTTsu/?taken-by=leankid

    https://instagram.com/p/3onS4_Nbtt/?taken-by=mr_tafo

    4. Noble Igwe

    https://instagram.com/p/4nvnGmzTkc/?taken-by=leankid

    https://instagram.com/p/3jL4OZAldb/?taken-by=noble_igwe

    5. Akin Faminu

    https://instagram.com/p/4il3vdzTjN/?taken-by=leankid

    https://instagram.com/p/2_pAwwgNm-/?taken-by=akinfaminu

    6. Adebayo Oke-Lawal

    https://instagram.com/p/4gAFtITTuu/?taken-by=leankid

    https://instagram.com/p/2_fXB5Kujn/?taken-by=orangecultureng

    7. The Style Infidel

    https://instagram.com/p/4lMlMqzTtK/?taken-by=leankid

    https://instagram.com/p/0tLyhpjMJ1/?taken-by=thestyleinfidel

     

    Which illustration is your favorite? Sound off in the comments section below.

     

  • Remember when Mo’Cheddah looked like this?

    004MoCheddah

    I mean, she certainly went through some pretty awkward style years.

    Mocheddah-3

    Wow! Just look at her eyebrows.

    Industry_Nite_WIzkid-0449

    But damn if she isn’t a total babe now.

    https://instagram.com/p/4hb_o1uQNa/?taken-by=mocheddah

    Like, SERIOUSLY!

    https://instagram.com/p/367UMYOQDp/?taken-by=mocheddah

    NO! Someone should tell me when this happened?

    https://instagram.com/p/3tjZl3OQGK/?taken-by=mocheddah

    Was it a gradual process or all at once? I need answers.

    https://instagram.com/p/13ufGbuQOS/?taken-by=mocheddah

    I know I’m not alone on this:

    https://twitter.com/evebanigo/status/616376018983501824


    Like, God please pick my own call.


    Can’t argue with the man.
    https://instagram.com/p/21THEuuQDS/?taken-by=mocheddah

    I mean, I know it’s a serious something because there is a chocolate cupcake in the picture, but I can’t stop staring at her face.

     

    Just one more:

    https://instagram.com/p/ypcSmcuQHZ/?taken-by=mocheddah

    Ok, I lied. Come and beat me.

    https://instagram.com/p/vO1sK5OQH-/?taken-by=mocheddah

    It’s time to make Mo’Cheddah’s glo’ up my prayer point. You better make it yours too.

  • Just to be clear, this isn’t a tutorial on how to be an actual Lagos big boy. That cannot be taught. It’s innate –I mean, we can’t all be Noble Igwe. But I can tell you how to pass for one for like a day, or at most a couple of weeks, depending on your intentions. And by intentions, I mean which girl you want to deceive.

     

    1. A White Trad/Native

    This is the Lagos Big Boy uniform. It has to be crisp and super starched. And very very white.

    white trad

    Not that one in your closet with that tacky crest, please, that phase has passed, thankfully.

     

    2. A Proper Beard

    A Lagos Big Boy has to be good looking. Notice I didn’t say handsome? Yeah, that’s because you don’t need to be handsome. If you have a face only a mother could love, a beard will be your saving grace.

    beards

    A beard is to guys, what makeup is to girls, so start grooming one.

    But if your facial hair is lagging behind in growth, you might want to look into buying hair growth supplement. You don’t want to look like this…

     

    kermit beard

     

    Noble Igwe has made it easy for you. Just read his guide on what you need for the ultimate groomed beard. Make sure to read this one and this one as well. For inspiration on what to aspire for, see the picture gallery here.

    noble igwe
    via 360nobs

    You’re welcome.

     

    3. Car Keys

    Most Lagos big boys either drive a Range or a G-Wagon, but this is about being a Lagos Big Boy on a budget, I really don’t expect you to have a car, or even if you do, I don’t expect it to be up to par.

    carkeys-on-table
    via aunhoong

    All you really need is the illusion. So, keep the car keys visible at all times (preferably on the table in front of you), it will take a while for people to notice you don’t actually have a car.

     

    4. An Accent or Two

    The strangest thing about being a Lagos Big Boy is that no one actually expects you to stay in Lagos. I mean sure you are expected to visit on select holidays and stuff, but you need to have done some serious time abroad.

    memes_cant_tell_if_accent_or_speech_impediment-s500x475-198517

    So what better way to convince people that you just came back from the ‘Amurica’, than a couple of OAP-grade accents?

     

    5. Haircut from Kayz Place

    This isn’t even about how good the haircuts are (trust me, they are), this is about the clientele.

    https://instagram.com/p/1Fgz23q0fy/

     

    A Lagos Big Boy needs Lagos Big Boy friends, and this is your safest bet to meet some.

    https://instagram.com/p/zpnDEhK0eu/

     

    Think of that 1,500/haircut as an investment, and remember to tip your barber.

     

    6. An iPhone (The newest one, obviously)

    I don’t really need to justify this. It’s simple, no one is trying to see your Samsung, even if it is an S6.

    iphone

    I don’t make the rules. Sorry.

     

    7. A Light Skinned Babe or Two or Three

    I’m not even joking.

    lightskinned

    No one cares about how beautiful your dark-skinned girl is, if she isn’t competing for brightness with your white trad, you need to find someone else.

     

    8. Live On the Island

    And by Island I don’t mean Ajah, no one is trying to do cross country for you, sir.

    thirdmainland

    So squat with a friend long enough to create that illusion and you’re golden.

     

    9. Name Drop

    Make sure you find a way to mention that celebrity you partied with last week, whether the conversation calls for it at all.

    “Could you pass the salt?”

    “Wizkid likes salt too, he told me last time we saw.”

    wizkid

    Yup, it doesn’t even have to make sense. Just do it.

     

    10. High Body Count

    You’re a virgin?! What are you even doing here?

    virgin

     

    Either you find a way to lose the V-card or kill all the witnesses to your lack of action!

    5-4-sex-lots-of-surfaces

    OR you could just lie to your friends when you tell them “I hit that” about babes you’re just friends with, like only a real Lagos Big Boy would.

     

    11. Sunglasses at all times

    Don’t be that guy that wears them into buildings and you’ll be good.

    OC-Ukeje1

    Just make sure you have it on hand for even the slightest glare. Anything that makes you look better than you actually do is a big plus.

    lynxx beard

    Especially when you get one that actually suits your face.

     

    Did we miss anything? Do you agree with this guide? Sound off in the comments section.

     

  • If I were to start this post by calculating how much time we spend commuting to work every month, most people would just be too depressed to read on. So I’ll just leave that to your imagination (seriously guys, don’t actually calculate it, it’s way worse than you think).

    adopted traffic

    Anyway, I’m sure we can all agree that Lagos traffic is the thorn in almost every office worker’s flesh. So, out of anger, but mostly frustration, I decided to compile a list of what our lives might actually look like, if we didn’t have to factor in that agonising rush hour traffic.

     

    1. MORE SLEEP!

    sleep two

    That’s it. List is over. Good Night. Well, no, but you already know everything else on this list will pale in comparison to actually getting a full nights rest. Damn I have goosebumps just thinking about it.

     

    2. Have a Social Life

    dancing

    Remember that? Remember when you didn’t have to lie to your friends about being too busy to hang out, when you’re actually just too tired? Those were the days, huh?

     

    3. Actually like your job

    love my job

    Trust me, the resentment you feel towards your boss is deeply rooted in the road rage you have to deal with on your daily commute. It’s enough to make anyone cranky.

     

    4. Get that dream body

    dream body

    I mean, sure, there are some people that still find time to hit the gym after spending forever on third mainland bridge, but we all know they are crazy.

     

    5. EVEN MORE SLEEP!!

    sleep alarm

    Seriously, wouldn’t it be nice to not have a love-hate relationship with your alarm’s snooze button

     

    6. Enjoy your relationship

    relationship

    More time to spend with bae. I don’t see a downside, but that’s probably because I’m single (I blame that on Lagos traffic too)

     

    7. Actually eat breakfast

    breakfast

    Like the proper eggs, toast, and hot chocolate type breakfast. I miss those. I REALLY miss those. I do manage to sneak in some cereal on a good day, but that doesn’t count.

     

    8. Catch up on all your favourite shows

    watching tv

    How far behind on Scandal are you? Have you even started the new season of Game of Thrones? SMH!

     

    9. ‘Maybe’ attend midweek sermons

    church

    Wouldn’t it be nice if the pastor didn’t sub your one-service-a-week ass every Sunday?

     

    10. MORE SLEEP, PLEASE!!!

    sleep

    Do I even have to explain?

     

    11. Have a Radio-Cleanse

    radio

    If I have to listen to Kiss Daniel’s Woju or the voice of a certain unbearably annoying OAP one more time, I will actually kill someone.

     

    12. Be Happier

    happy

    Have you noticed how annoyingly cheerful people who live close to where they work are? Don’t you just hate them?

    Did I miss anything? What would you do with that extra time if you weren’t always stuck in traffic? Please, sound off in the comments section.

     

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