Blessing Smith had a smooth pregnancy, but postpartum came with pain, sleepless nights and the feeling that she couldn’t take her eyes off her baby. With her mum and mother-in-law unable to join her in Canada, her husband and friends stepped in with care she hadn’t even known she needed.

Four months into motherhood, she shares how that support changed her understanding of friendship and how she wants to show up for other mums.

The first time Demilade* came to my house after dropping her children at school, she didn’t bring food or a gift. She came to take care of my baby. 

I remember watching her do it for the first time; I cried.

Before I became a mum, I always assumed I understood what it meant to support a new mother. But during my pregnancy, my friends completely rewired my thinking. They constantly checked on me, sent me suya when I had cravings and even cooked meals I could freeze before my delivery. I felt so cared for that I didn’t think there was anything else I needed. 

My pregnancy journey was so smooth that I sometimes worried something was wrong. Where was the morning sickness they taught us about? What about the dizziness? Whenever I went for a scan, I worried they’d tell me the baby was no longer there because I barely felt any adverse symptoms. 

Thankfully, everything was fine. I enjoyed the experience, took lots of pictures and videos, and romanticised my pregnancy journey.

Then the baby arrived, and everything changed.

The moment the doctors and nurses placed my baby in my hands, my brain switched. It was no longer about me; I now had the responsibility of making sure this little person was okay, no matter what. 

My mum and mother-in-law couldn’t come to Canada for omugwo because their visas were rejected. And that was my first source of worry. Their absence meant my husband and I would have to figure it out all on our own.

Thankfully, my mother-in-law’s friend was visiting her daughter in Canada at the time. She stayed with us for two weeks, helped care for the baby and taught me some of the things I needed to know as a new mum. 

Those first days were difficult. I was in so much pain and could barely bend. My husband would change my disposable postpartum pads for me and apply lotion to my legs because I couldn’t reach them myself. I was barely thinking about myself in those days, so having someone notice what I needed meant a lot. 

Sleep was another issue. I barely closed my eyes during the first few weeks. Even though my husband offered to take over the night feeds, I couldn’t relax knowing someone else had the baby. I felt like I had to keep watching.

Eventually, during one of my postpartum appointments,  my doctor encouraged me to let my husband handle the nights while I slept in another room. It was difficult at first. Whenever I heard the baby cry, my body would wake up automatically. I had to remind myself that my husband cared about our baby, too. 

After a while, I started sleeping through the night. I’d wake up, bathe, have breakfast and take over from my husband feeling rested.

My friends also kept showing up. They visited, brought gifts and cooked for me. For almost a month, I didn’t have to cook from scratch because there was enough food in the fridge. 

But Demilade showed me a kind of support I hadn’t imagined. 

She has two daughters, so she’s been exactly where I am now. After dropping them at school, she’d come over and spend about two hours with the baby and me. She’d feed the baby, put her to sleep, and ask me to do whatever I needed to do. 

I knew about people bringing food, buying gifts, and visiting a new mum. I just
hadn’t imagined someone could come over to simply take the baby off my hands for a while.

Demilade could have used those hours for herself, but she chose to spend them helping me. I wasn’t entitled to her time, and she didn’t have to do it. But because she did, I suddenly had extra time for myself. I could keep up with my content creation. I edited my videos, worked on other things, or simply rested while someone I trusted cared for my baby.

She was constantly reminding me that I could still do the things I enjoyed before the baby. Once, she organised a mums’ night out with another friend. We left our children with our husbands and went out to have fun. I got home past midnight.

Of course, my mind was still with the baby, but I returned feeling energised. For the first time since giving birth, I felt like I remembered who I was. 

Demilade didn’t just tell me to take a break. She helped make it happen because she knew that as a new mum, I could keep sacrificing the things I enjoyed.

Another friend also surprised me by remembering the exact day my baby clocked three months. She showed up with gifts, and I felt so seen and blessed. 

People tend to pull back once the excitement around a new baby wears off, so the fact that she remembered three months later blew my mind. 

Now, my baby is four months old, and motherhood keeps giving me new reasons to appreciate my friends.

I want to be more intentional about being present, anticipating their needs and making motherhood just a little bit easier to handle. When more of them become mums, I want to give them the kind of support Demilade gave me. Recently, I thanked a friend who came to my baby’s naming with her own four-month-old. 

Before, I might not have thought much about the effort it took to show up. Now I understand it differently. She was navigating her own new mum life and still thought about me.

I want to show up for my friends in ways that have made this journey easier for me. I’ve told my husband that if someone calls me for omugwo, I’m capable. 

Because I now know what it feels like to need help, and I want to give that help to someone else. 

Read Also: I Always Saw Cats as Witches, but They Taught Me My Biggest Life Lessons