Na Me F– Up? I Refused to Buy My Mum a New Phone

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Mayowa* (32) has supported his family financially since university. For years, he was happy to help whenever he could. But when his mum demanded a new phone and threatened to collect the one he bought for his younger brother, Mayowa finally drew a line

At the end of this story, you’ll get to decide: Did Mayowa fuck up or not?

This is Mayowa’s dilemma as told to Betty

I started supporting my family financially before I even graduated from university. I mostly did side gigs then, so whenever I made some money, I’d take a portion of it and give it to my parents. I didn’t mind helping. I knew they had sacrificed a lot for me, and helping them felt like my way of giving back. They were always appreciative, but over the years, their requests slowly became demands.

That became obvious this year when my younger brother asked me for a new phone.

He’s in his third year at university and has been using the same phone for three years. It had started developing problems, so he asked my parents if they could replace it. They told him they couldn’t afford to.

He eventually came to me, and I agreed to get him a phone in June. I couldn’t buy it immediately because I’d promised to replace my parents’ faulty pumping machine, and I had other financial commitments. By July, though, I had enough to buy him a used iPhone 12, so I sent it to him.

He was so happy and sent me a sweet thank-you message. Later that evening, my mum called.

I thought she was calling to thank me for getting my brother the phone. Instead, she questioned why I’d spent money on him.

She asked why I would buy a phone for a young boy who would only use it to scroll the internet when I hadn’t bought one for my parents, especially her. I explained that my brother needed the phone for schoolwork and his old phone was barely working, but she wasn’t interested in my explanation.

Then she gave me an ultimatum. I had to replace her phone as soon as possible, or she would collect my brother’s new phone. That was when I got angry. I’d spent almost a decade helping my family whenever I could. I had never complained about giving them money or helping with a problem. But now, after I’d bought my brother a phone, my mum was telling me what I should spend my money on and threatening to take something I had bought for him.

I told her I didn’t have the money for another phone and that I wasn’t buying one for her. I also told her not to take my brother’s phone.

She saw my refusal as disrespect and reported me to my dad.

He tried to persuade me to start saving towards my mum’s phone, but I told him I couldn’t. I also need to replace my own phone, and buying three phones in one year isn’t realistic on my income.

Instead of understanding my point of view, he suggested I postpone buying my own phone until next year and use the money to make my mum happy. That made me even angrier.

I never intended to become my family’s breadwinner. I wanted to help where I could, not become responsible for meeting every financial need that came up. So I told my dad I wouldn’t postpone my plans, and I still refused to buy my mum the phone.

Since then, the relationship with my mum has grown tense. My dad told me to apologise for how I spoke to her, which I did. But even after my apology, she has remained cold towards me.

I’m still torn about what to do next. Part of me thinks I could buy her a phone next year and let the whole thing go. Maybe that would restore the peace at home. But another part of me wants to maintain the boundary I’ve drawn so my family doesn’t become even more entitled to my earnings.

I don’t regret telling my mum no. I just didn’t expect one refusal to create this much tension at home.

Now I’m left wondering if I fucked up by refusing to buy my mum a new phone.