For some people, blocking a partner is the beginning of the end. For others, it’s emotional manipulation. But for Aramide* (24), it’s neither. It’s simply the fastest way to stop an argument from spiralling into something neither person can take back.
She explains why blocking her boyfriend has become her preferred conflict-resolution strategy and why she has no plans to stop.
This is Aramide’s explanation, as shared with Adeyinka
People think blocking your partner is childish or manipulative. Maybe it is for some people. For me, it’s self-preservation.
I’ve blocked my boyfriend more than once, and if we have another fight where I feel overwhelmed, I’ll probably do it again.
The funny thing is that I actually love him. If I didn’t, we’d have broken up a long time ago. He’s caring, thoughtful and always shows up when I need him. That’s why we’ve managed to stay together despite everything. The problem is that when this man gets angry, it’s like someone flips a switch.
He knows exactly what to say to hurt me. It’s almost like he starts looking for the most painful thing he can type just because he knows it’ll get a reaction. I used to stay there and argue back because I wanted to defend myself. Every single time, it ended with both of us saying things we couldn’t take back.
After a while, I realised I didn’t like the version of myself those arguments brought out.
About two months ago, we had another fight. My sisters and I had planned to attend an overnight party. We’d been talking about it for weeks, and I wasn’t about to cancel because my boyfriend suddenly decided he didn’t want me to go.
I love my boyfriend, but I won’t choose him over my siblings. They’ve been in my life long before he came around, and I wasn’t going to disappoint them over an argument.
Before leaving, I’d already hidden my WhatsApp Status from him because I knew he’d complain if I posted anything. I also stayed off Instagram. I honestly thought that was enough. Then a mutual friend uploaded a Snapchat video from the party. That’s how he found out I’d gone.
Almost immediately, the messages started pouring in. He wasn’t asking questions or trying to understand why I went. He went straight into attack mode, accusing me of disrespecting him and saying the kind of things he always says when he’s angry.
The moment I saw where the conversation was heading, I blocked him on WhatsApp.
I knew exactly what would’ve happened if I stayed. He would’ve kept sending hurtful messages, I’d eventually reply with something equally hurtful, and we’d spend days trying to recover from words we didn’t really mean.
Instead, I removed myself completely. This time, I left him blocked for four days.
Apparently, he tried reaching me through my sister, but I told her not to get involved. I wasn’t interested in having the conversation until both of us had calmed down.
On the fifth day, I unblocked him and sent him a simple message to let him know. He was still upset, but he actually communicated. No insults or trying to destroy me with words. We finally had the kind of civil conversation we should’ve had from the beginning.
That experience reminded me why blocking works for me. It’s always about protecting my peace.
I know myself. If someone keeps provoking me long enough, I’ll eventually say something I regret. I’d rather block you, cool off and come back when I can think clearly than stay in a conversation that’s becoming toxic.
Maybe one day we’ll both become emotionally mature enough not to need that block button. Until then, I’ll keep using it.
The funny thing is that he’s never blocked me before. He mustn’t even try it. I know myself well enough to admit I’d probably lose my mind. Maybe that makes me a hypocrite, but at least I’m a self-aware one.
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.
