What started as a simple disagreement over money between Esther*, 37, and her husband after his birthday party has grown into a much bigger issue that now threatens her marriage. She needs your advice.

In March, my husband, Alex*, celebrated his 40th birthday and wanted an elaborate party. He spent heavily an expensive hall, souvenirs, and even flew in friends and family from Lagos. I tried to convince him to cut costs because our rent was coming up, but he insisted on going all out. I still supported him and contributed what I could.

At the party, people sprayed us with a lot of money. I had my friends coordinate things, including collecting the cash. During the event, my brother-in-law asked for money to spray, promising to transfer it later. I approved it, and my friend gave him ₦150k.

By the end of the party, we’d realised over ₦1 million. I gave a portion to my friends who helped out, then split the remaining ₦900k into two and gave Alex his share. I didn’t think it was an issue, especially since people also sent him money directly as the celebrant. The next day, I followed up with my brother-in-law about the money he borrowed, and he sent it to my account.

Later that evening, Alex stormed into the kitchen, furious. He accused me of hiding money and said he had spoken to his brother about the ₦450k I sent. He said his brother insisted he’d seen my friends counting the cash and knew it was far more than what I remitted. He also mentioned the ₦150k his brother refunded.

Alex assumed I kept the rest for myself. He called me dishonest and said he should have gotten the entire amount since he was the celebrant.

I tried to explain that I shared the money equally and gave a portion to the friends who helped out, but that only made things worse. He fixated on the fact that I didn’t give him the full amount and got even more upset. He called me a thief, and said I was wicked, especially knowing how much he had spent despite the upcoming rent renewal.

Since then, Alex has become a different person. He moved out of our bedroom into the guest room and stopped taking me to work, even though we both contributed to the car and use the same route. I now use public transport. He told me we are now “flatmates” and that he doesn’t want anything to do with me.

At first, I thought he would calm down, but he kept to himself and refused to speak to me. After a week, I involved a pastor he respects in our church, hoping he would listen and let things go. Instead, it made things worse. After we met with the pastor on Easter Friday, he left the house.

I haven’t seen him since. Now I’m scared about what this is turning into. I’ve considered raising the money and returning it just to restore peace, even though most of it has already gone into running the house while he’s been away.

We have three children, and they’ve started asking questions about their dad. The stress has been so overwhelming that I even fainted last week.

I honestly don’t know what to do. My friends agree that I didn’t act out of selfish interest like he claims, but his reaction feels extreme. I don’t know how to fix this.

What would you do if you were in my shoes?

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