We’re still having our weekly Spaces, and it’s important to know just how much you’ve been missing out on if you haven’t been following. Recently, Zikoko brought three of your Instagram and X favourites to talk about Talking Stage Fatigue: Why People are Done with Undefined Relationships. 

Tito Abumere, Content Creator and Sanni Misturah Morenikeji, also known as BigBadReni on X, and founder of Amplify Her, shared useful trade secrets as our speakers on the episode, while Zia Yusuff, journalist and writer, kept the conversation going between our speakers and the crowd. 

We had many takeaways from the conversation, but we’ve saved the best for you. Here are X reasons why you keep going from talking stage to talking stage (respectfully). 

1. You Care Too Much About Optics and Not The Person 

Apparently, you’re not supposed to think of the social currency and elevation you might get if things go well with your talking stage. If you’ve only been thinking about how well you sync in a TikTok video or how best to soft or hard launch them, your priorities are not in order. Optics and aesthetics come second, while your actual compatibility with the person comes first. Get to know the person you’re speaking to properly and get to know them out of genuine interest. Let first base go beyond sex after a night of sweating and gyrating. 

Tito says “The concept of social media makes us too concerned with what people think about us. The optics and the aesthetics of it. If you’re speaking to someone, it’s not foreign to think of what your pictures will look like when you post. You’ll be thinking of whether your pictures will look nice on Instagram or if you’ll look good together in pictures,”

For Reni, her view is slightly different. “In Lagos, it is very normal for first base to be just raw sex. You want to hard launch someone, but then you don’t know whether or not they’re cheating on you. You’re dating someone, and everyone is waiting for you to find out they’re cheating on you. I think social media helps people actually curate their lives because now, a lot of people prefer soft launches.”

2. You’re Ashamed of Yourself 

It’s 2026, and everyone is scared of being vulnerable. Everyone is scared of being vulnerable because no one wants to turn to content. No one wants to turn to content because your disgrace will outlive you. Let’s be honest, the only way to really get to know someone and deepen emotional intimacy is through vulnerability. But when everyone is watching their front and back, it’s difficult to know when and who we can be safe with. However, if you’re serious about love and your person, it should mean nothing with the added fact that they feel the same, of course. 

Reni believes that the essence of vulnerability has been reduced. “Vulnerability has become cringe because we make a spectacle of everything. People are waiting for your downfall. Pain is amplified. Your disgrace will outlive you. These days, it’s a cool thing for people not to know anything about you. You have to gatekeep yourself, and people have to work to get information about you. Shame is the social media currency.” she said.

On the other hand, public perception doesn’t affect how Tito see’s things. “A lot of relationships and loving is about taking risks. And I think that’s why a lot of people are single, because we don’t want to take the risk of being vulnerable. And I think we have to firm the consequences of shame for that. It’s like we say the things we really want are on the other side of shame, so to get to that, we need to actually cross shame.” he said.

Also Read: The State of Love 2026

3. You’re Doing too Much 

If you’re someone who knows what you want and what you’re looking for in a partner, great. If you’re completely clueless about what you would like your relationship to look like, even better. Our speakers agree that sometimes, saying too much too soon might scare away the other person or make them reluctant. Take your time and do your due diligence before oversharing. 

“First of all, don’t rush into communicating what your expectations are. Also, don’t say it all at once; spread it out. The talking stage is to ask value questions, because I think a lot of people don’t pay attention to what they say in the talking stage. We also have to get to the point where we don’t feel cringe about sharing our intentions. It will make sense to the right person.” According to Tito, this is the best way to maintain composure.

4. Your Eyes Are Too Big 

According to our speakers, one of the problems with talking stages these days is that people don’t know what they want. Everybody wants something because the other person has it. The factors that determine who we should date and what dating them should look like are now jumbled up into whatever it is we see on social media. Life happens in stages, and there’s nothing wrong with expecting regular things from regular people. 

Meanwhile, Reni believes that some of you have forgotten how old you really are. “I think everybody needs to get off the internet first and foremost. Whatever it is we’re in is not going to look like what we see on screen.  I think there’s a layer of performativity and transactions that we don’t address. You can’t be 19-23 and expect that when you go on dates, it’s going to be slow and mind-blowing. When people get married and do things within their budget, we shame them for it. It’s okay to do things at your pace. Stop comparing everything you experience to what you see on screen.” she said.

5. You Imagine Things Before They Happen 

Aka, you’re delusional, and sometimes that’s okay. But delusion inflates how we see things and impacts our conduct and expectations. It’s why we’re more heartbroken when the talking stage ends than the actual relationship. We’re not saying don’t get your hopes up, but remember this is real life, and if you’re a Lagosian, well. If delusion is your problem, take a break from the dating scene and touch grass. Evaluate your previous experiences and identify the issues. 

For Tito, everybody just needs to chill. His view? “Jaded people should take a break from the dating scene. Drink water and chill. A lot of people are dating without knowing what they want. It’s like getting in a car with someone without knowing where they’re going. Then you get there and realise it’s not where you want to go. Take a break. Consult one or two people who make sense.”

“I think a lot of people don’t realise that they’re jaded, which is why they continue to remain delusional. But if you are deluded, if you’re jaded, it’s because you’ve spent too much time looking at the outside world. You need to be in touch with yourself. Kissing passionately at the rave won’t save your talking stage.” Reni is certain that locking lips like there’s no tomorrow, won’t help revive dry bones.

If you think we’ve covered everything that was said on the space, you’re far from right. Listen to the recording here and get more trade secrets from our speakers. We promise it’s worth your while! 

HERtitude 2026 is happening this April, and the theme is Main Character Energy. Get your tickets here: hertitude.zikoko.com.