Uju* (24) was in law school, juggling academic pressure and a constant lack of money, when she crossed a line she never imagined she would. While in a committed relationship, she began seeing someone else, not for love or excitement, but because he made her life financially easier. What followed forced her to confront her values, her relationship, and what cheating for money cost her.

This is Uju’s story, as shared with Adeyinka

Let’s start from the beginning. How did you guys meet?

I met Muna in our final year at uni. We were in the same university choir for about two years, but somehow, we never really noticed each other until January 2023. When we finally connected, he felt like a breath of fresh air. He was composed, handsome, and an exceptional communicator. He was also very easy to talk to and openly feminist, which isn’t something you see every day in the southern part of Nigeria. That alone already set him apart for me.

Must be nice. What were the early days of your relationship like?

The beginning of our relationship was beautiful. I still remember the butterflies I’d get whenever I heard his weird laughter over the phone. I struggle with anxiety and body dysmorphia, so having Muna around to calm my fears and talk me through whatever mental loop I was stuck in felt incredibly liberating. He was always supportive and helpful.

Even after we graduated and I went to law school, he stayed up with me on the phone all night while I worked on class tasks. Sometimes, he’d even help me make PowerPoint presentations for the next morning. He was just… very present. Very helpful.

Curious. Before Muna, what was your relationship history like, especially around money?

Before we met, I was in a three-year relationship with someone who wasn’t financially responsible. The way he was so lackadaisical about taking steps to secure an income, especially given his age, really traumatised me. So when I left that relationship, I became very conscious of the financial position of anyone I was interested in.

Muna knew this from the very beginning. One of the things that made me confident he was my person was that we shared the same vision of being well-established before discussing marriage.

Right. So, when did you start noticing Muna’s money problems?

Over time, certain things started bothering me. He’d miss job interviews because he wasn’t time-conscious. He’d miss deadlines for pending work simply because he forgot. He wouldn’t make reasonable moves unless I reminded him over and over again. And whenever he got a bit of money, he’d put everything into forex, only to lose it all. Every single time.

I tried talking to him about exploring other options, like setting up his socials, investing more in his web development skills, or doing literally anything else apart from forex trading. But whenever the conversation came up, he’d either get defensive or completely shut down. We’re both from humble backgrounds, so watching him move without urgency was exhausting. I was juggling law school and a small remote job, and he couldn’t land one permanent job. It was really gutting for me.

While I was in law school, I met Tumise. He was bright-eyed and very willing to spend money. It was the first time I’d received attention from someone who was as financially comfortable as he was.

It started innocently. I helped him with assignments and tutored him in exchange for money. But over time, the money increased for no clear reason. He’d take my roommate and me grocery shopping every two weeks, double whatever money I had in my account just because I looked beautiful in class, and he even got me my first two hairs.

I got carried away. We had sex. A lot.

Did that situation ever come to an end?

After law school, I was ready to put that chapter behind me. Selfish, I know. But I called off the fling. The problem was that I wasn’t discreet in my texts. After an argument with Muna, he went through my phone and saw everything.

F**k. What was it like when he found out?

I wanted to die. I still remember how he struggled to hold back tears as he asked me why I did it. It was heartbreaking. I begged for forgiveness, but not for him to take me back. I knew how badly I’d broken his trust. That moment really forced me to evaluate my values as a person.

After we talked everything through, he decided to give us another chance.

How has it been moving forward from that?

I still feel undeserving of his forgiveness, and sometimes I think we should have ended things. But we talked deeply about the underlying issue, which was financial instability, and since then, he’s really picked up.

He’s started making real changes. He takes his work more seriously now, has a better financial plan, and finally moves with urgency.

What’s keeping you in the relationship now?

I’ve decided to stay because I can see the progress he’s making with his life. I’ve also learned my lesson. I won’t ever get so caught up in someone else’s money that I compromise my personal values again.

As a lawyer, I’ve started taking charge of my own life too. There’s still this nagging fear that he could eventually ask for a breakup once things are financially stable, maybe as revenge for what I did. I’m prepared for that possibility.

But for now, I want to stay. I love him, and I genuinely believe we can work things out.

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.