Some people first experience terrible relationships that chip away at their self-esteem and sanity before they finally meet someone who treats them the way they’ve always deserved.
These people share what it was like leaving toxic partners and moving into relationships that feel emotionally safe.
“I can’t believe I wasted three years of my life on my ex” — Rachel*, 29, F
After she got into a relationship with her current boyfriend, Rachel understood the gentleness that had been missing from her romantic life.
“My ex and I dated from 2021 to 2024. We got into the relationship with clear intentions for it to lead to marriage, so I was locked in. I would go from Berger to his house in Ogba every week to cook for him, wash his clothes and clean his apartment because I thought it would show him that I’d make a good partner.
Instead of giving me the validation I craved, my ex constantly insulted me. He called me ‘stupid’ or ‘daft’ if I made a mistake. He’d say things like, ‘The mother of my children can’t be this stupid.’ Instead of complaining, I tried harder to impress him. When he left me for another woman in March 2024, I was devastated. It felt like I wasn’t good enough, and would end up alone.
In early 2025, I met my current boyfriend, Jide*. I was wary about dating him, but his gentle nature completely disarmed me. He and my ex are like night and day.
First, he has never insulted me or made me feel small. He says mistakes help us learn better ways to do things. The first time I stayed over at his house, I tried to cook and clean like I did with my ex. He stopped me and said I’m a guest and didn’t have to lift a finger. Instead, he cooked for us.
I’ve been unlearning a lot since I got into this new relationship. From conflict resolution to learning to speak my mind, I hardly recognise the person I was before Jide. I can’t believe I wasted three years of my life with someone who didn’t appreciate me at all. Now, I’m constantly surrounded by gentleness and love, and I’ve never been happier. I’m so grateful to my ex for breaking up with me because how would I have met this amazing person if I was determined to make it work with that guy?”
“My new man loves spending time with me, and I love it” — John*, 25, M
John shares how moving on from someone who only saw him as a bed warmer changed his love life.
“I used to fear exploring my sexuality, especially back in school. After I graduated, I started dipping my toes in the dating waters, and at first, it was hard to connect with people.
I started seeing a guy casually in 2022, and my biggest issue was that he treated me like I was only useful for sex. He’d be warm when he wanted me to come over, but once we were done, he’d close up emotionally and get prickly until I left. He wouldn’t respond to my texts, and even though I didn’t like how he treated me, I craved the intimacy we shared right before sex. In 2023, I’d had enough of his hot and cold behaviour and cut him off . Still, a part of me believed that’s just how most closeted men behave.
Fast forward to 2025, and I japa-ed to Europe. At a party earlier this year, I met a cute Nigerian guy, and we hit it off. Dating him feels completely different. The biggest difference is how he genuinely enjoys spending time with me. I love it.
He always finds time in his schedule for us to take walks, grab a meal or see a movie. It feels special to be with someone who wants you in his life and does everything to make you feel included. My only advice? Leave that nonchalant man today, there are better things waiting for you in front.”
“My ex tried to hide me from his friends” — Temi*, 28, F
Temi’s ex tried to keep her a secret because she “wasn’t his type”, but her new boyfriend proudly shows her off.
“It’s embarrassing to recall this, but the guy I dated from 2020 to 2022 didn’t want to be seen with me. When we got together during the lockdown, we spent a lot of time together, and I liked that we shared the same tastes in movies and books. We lived on the same street, so we saw each other every day. At first, I didn’t question why he never took me out because there were restrictions everywhere. I was happy to spend time with him at his place.
But I remember him joking that he couldn’t tell his friends about me because I didn’t look like the curvy girls he used to date. I brushed it off until restrictions eased and I realised he was serious.
He refused to interact with me on social media. When I asked why, he’d say he didn’t see my posts. Other times, he would quote photos of curvy girls with ‘God when?’ and say it was a joke when I complained. I tried to be understanding, but his behaviour kept chipping at my self-esteem.
The last straw came during our anniversary in 2022. I posted a selfie of us on my Instagram story. Barely a minute later, he started messaging me to take it down because he wanted to keep our relationship lowkey. I asked why a two-year relationship needed to be ‘lowkey’, but he just gave me flimsy excuses. It turned into a big argument, and eventually I broke up with him. That experience made me emotionally closed off for a long time.
In late 2024, a close friend introduced me to her brother, and I gave dating another try. It’s the best decision I’ve ever made. It’s so obvious this man likes me for me. He doesn’t make weird jokes about me or my body, and he’s not ashamed to show me off to everyone who’ll listen.
Going from being a secret to being publicly cherished was so jarring. I used to feel shy when he would post me every Wednesday as his woman crush on all his socials, but now, I love it. I feel emotionally safe and very loved. Something I can’t say for my past relationship.”
“I went from fighting every day to the most peaceful relationship in my life.” — Ibrahim*, 36, M
Ibrahim left a combative ex-girlfriend in 2024 and is now enjoying peaceful bliss in his current relationship.
“My last relationship lasted seven years before I decided I’d had enough. I loved her deeply and tried to make things work, but nothing I ever did was enough for her.
Things looked great at the start, but only a few months in, we started fighting every day. Even on days when I was determined not to argue with her, she’d twist something I said and start another argument. It exhausted me emotionally.
We planned to get married in 2023 despite everything, and when I met her parents in 2022, I understood exactly why she behaved the way she did. Her father was just the same. In the short time I spent at their house, he and her mum had a heated argument right in front of me.
I finally called it quits when she started screaming and throwing things at me during a fight in 2023. I realised our relationship would only get worse, so I ended it. She didn’t take it well. She told me I was a riffraff and blocked me everywhere. Honestly, I was more relieved than hurt about it.
I met my current girlfriend at a bar, and I don’t remember dating being so smooth. We hardly argue, and even when we do, it’s not explosive like it used to be with my ex. She’s gentle, kind and funny. She has brought so much joy and peace to my life that I count her twice when I count my blessings.
I proposed to her in August 2025, and I can’t wait to make her my wife. All my happiness has doubled since she came into my life. It’s like seeing the sun after a storm.”
“I didn’t realise how drained I was until I finally met someone who poured back into me.” — Tobi, 30, M*
Tobi realised how draining his old relationship was when he started dating someone who gave him the same level of care he showed her.
“I started dating my ex in late 2020, and at first, I thought I’d hit the jackpot. She was funny, stylish and very affectionate. But as time went on, I realised her affection only showed up when she wanted something from me. I was the one funding dates, sending money whenever she hinted she was ‘broke’, buying her gifts and helping her with errands. But anytime I needed support, even something as small as a listening ear, she’d say I was being too needy.
I remember one time in 2022 when I lost a freelance gig and tried to confide in her. She blew me off and claimed she was too busy to talk. Meanwhile, I’d spent the whole week helping. By 2023, I was emotionally exhausted and broke up with her.
In mid-2024, I met someone through a friend, and it was the first time in years that love didn’t feel like a chore. She shows up emotionally and makes me feel seen. The first time she sent me a care package when I was sick, I almost cried because I wasn’t used to anyone thinking of me that way.
Dating her has shown me that relationships don’t have to feel draining. I feel so lucky to be experiencing this much softness.”
Read Next: Na Me F– Up? I Tricked My Brother Into Losing His Money
