Friendship is fun and games until your friend decides to cheat on their partner, then suddenly, you’re in the middle of drama you didn’t sign up for.
Would you keep quiet, confront them, or tell their partner the truth? These Nigerians share how they handled the situation.
“I learned to mind my business very quickly” — Chinasa*, (20), F
Chinasa thought telling her friend’s partner the truth about her cheating was doing him a favour, but she quickly learned to keep unsolicited information to herself.
“When a former close friend of mine started dating her long-time crush last year, I was delighted for her. They were a cute social media couple and popular in our community. The kind that made people say, “God when?”
A few months later, a friend who lived in a different city told me about his new baby and even sent me her photo. To my surprise, it was my friend.
At first, I was torn about what to do. But since I’d also developed a friendship with her boyfriend, I told him. He accused me of trying to scatter their relationship and said that even if she cheated, he’d forgive her because he loved her. Then he told my friend, and she came to pick a fight with me for betraying her. I kept my distance after that.
They stayed together for another year before she cheated again, and he finally left. There’s no changing a dishonest person.”
“My friend stopped talking to me after I called him out for cheating” — Aanu*, (29), M
Aanu shares how his friend cut him off when he chastised him for stepping out on his girlfriend.
“This happened back when I was in uni. My neighbour was a good friend, dating a long-term girlfriend everyone in our friend group liked.
One day, as I was returning to my apartment, I ran into an old flame coming out of our building. We talked for a bit, and she mentioned she had just visited my friend. I didn’t think much of it as we said our goodbyes.
Later that evening, we were out for drinks when my friend started talking about the girl from earlier. He bragged about how they’d had sex and went into unnecessary details.. I was confused and asked if he had broken up with his girlfriend, and he said no. Then he tried to defend himself with some nonsense proverb— something like, “chickens that go out to eat still come home at night.”.
I told him straight up that I didn’t understand why anyone would be in a committed relationship if they still wanted to be in the streets.
It turned into a huge argument, and afterwards, he stopped talking to me. It hurt to lose our friendship but I don’t regret speaking up in the face of wrongdoing. Doesn’t matter if it’s my friend.”
“I cut him off after I saw how he was treating his babe” — Eze*, (31), M
Eze got tired of warning his friend to stop cheating on his girlfriend, and after the last straw, he cut him off completely.
“My friend had been with his girlfriend for years. She was a sweet babe, always kind to everyone. I know relationships can get too comfortable after a while, so at first, I didn’t pay attention when I saw my friend flirting with other women occasionally.
But he must have thought my silence meant I supported him, because one day, right in my presence, he picked up a girl. I tried to caution him, dropping hints that it wasn’t a good idea, but he didn’t listen. They ended up spending a weekend together, and it changed how I saw him.
I didn’t think it was my place to tell his girlfriend since we weren’t close, so I kept it to myself. But I couldn’t seem him the same way again.. If he could treat the woman who had sacrificed so much for him like that, how would he treat me? I like to stay careful.”
“I support women’s rights and wrongs” — Denike*, (30), F
Denike doesn’t think cheating is cool, but if she believes it was a mistake, she’s willing to help her friend keep a secret.
“Cheating is a dicey matter. I don’t think it’s right at all, but I also don’t think a small mistake should ruin a beautiful connection.
In 2023, my friend showed up at my house crying. She had gone out drinking with an ex, and they ended up in bed. She felt guilty and wanted to confess to her boyfriend and break up because she felt she had betrayed him. I felt she was overreacting. I told her to cut off the ex permanently and keep quiet. Today, she’s still with her boyfriend, and they’re going strong.
However, I don’t extend this grace to my male friends. Men already get away with too much in this side of the world. Some even think it’s their right to cheat on their partners. For me, I support women’s rights and wrongs. As long as my friend wants to keep it lowkey and isn’t making it a habit, I’ll keep quiet.”
“They almost turned my house upside down” — Akin*, (37), M
Akin doesn’t say a word when he sees his friends cheating because he likes his life drama-free.
“It’s no secret that guys cheat a lot. If I say I want to start warning every babe about their cheating partners, when will I have time to focus on my life? It only stirs unnecessary drama and I don’t want any part in it.
Anytime I notice a friend cheating on his wife or girlfriend, I look the other way. I don’t think cheating is right. In fact, I don’t think you can do business with people who cheat. If they can do that to their most intimate partner, they’ll do worse to you.
The last time I told someone her husband was cheating, my house was almost turned upside down. My friend’s wife would call me every time she suspected he was cheating again, and my friend would come to my house whenever he wanted to escape her wahala. It became exhausting.
Now, if I know you’re a cheat, I just make you a drinking buddy. I don’t want any connection strong enough for your wife to have my number and be calling me like I’m her dad. I have enough on my plate, please.”
“We had to go and beg his wife to forgive him” — Lekan*, (62), M
Lekan would never talk about it if he found out his friend was cheating. For him, if it’s worth knowing about, his friend will speak up.
“If a married man is simply playing around outside with a woman or two, it’s not a big deal. I wouldn’t say anything if I saw my friend doing that.
But, if he wants to take another wife, which may destabilise his home, or the lady gets pregnant, then we, his friends, can step in and advise him.
In 2014, one of my friends got exposed when his wife found out about another woman. He rushed to tell us, and as his friends, we did what we could. We went with him to his house to beg his wife and seek forgiveness. Thankfully, she took him back.
As long as my friend doesn’t openly disrespect his wife and keeps things quiet, his secret is safe with me.”
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