Love Life: We Went From Friends To Lovers To Frenemies

November 12, 2020

Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.



Audio – Love Life: We Went From Friends To Lovers To Frenemies

*Caroline, 20, and *Somto, 20, used to date. They went from friends to lovers to frenemies. For today’s Love Life, they talk about their relationship and how one party felt bullied into a relationship they never really wanted. 

What’s the relationship here?

Caroline:  We used to date.

Somto:  She’s my ex. 

How long did you guys date for?

Somto:  We started dating in February 2020. I’m not sure.

Caroline: I like to count it as a month, but I think it was just three weeks. We broke up on March 30th. 

Tell me about your relationship.

Somto: I feel like I was bullied into it. I just got out of a relationship and my emotions were all over the place. Caroline and I were working on a project together. We started hanging out and it was fun at first. Then one night, she sent me a text and basically bullied me into a relationship.. 

Caroline: I didn’t bully him. We go to the same school; we’re students. We were working together and we had so much in common. I just thought to myself, maybe you should just ask him if he wants to be in a relationship. He first hesitated but later agreed. I didn’t force him.

Somto, do you think you’re easily persuaded to do things you don’t want to? 

I am usually not easily persuaded, but a part of me was hoping it would work. I lowkey knew that this wasn’t something I wanted to do. I made it clear from the onset that I didn’t want to be in a relationship. I just wanted to be friends. 

Interesting. How did the relationship end?

Somto: I won’t say it was a breakup, it was more of an agreement. You know when you’re not meant to be with someone? That’s how I felt. 

Caroline: Before the lockdown, we were having lots of fights, disagreeing about a lot of things, yelling at each other. I saw it coming because I got the vibe he wasn’t quite comfortable with our relationship. The day school sent us home, he called and told me he still loves his ex-girlfriend and wanted to break up. 

Yikes. Somto, are you with your ex now?

No, but it’s fine. I’m learning to love my own company.

Caroline mentioned fights. What exactly were you guys fighting about?

Somto: I didn’t want to hang out. I just wanted to be alone and she would make a fuss. It was silly little things. They were absurd because, on a normal day, I wouldn’t want to argue about them.

Caroline: I was getting paranoid that something was wrong with him and he wasn’t telling me. I remember one of the arguments where he said he didn’t know how to explain himself, and I kept insisting he talk to me because we were friends before we started dating. The whole secrecy thing was bothering me and I needed to know what was wrong. 

Somto: I didn’t intentionally make things difficult for you. I was going through my problems and I didn’t want to get anyone involved. I like to sort things out myself. 

Caroline: I was just trying to be enough.

Somto: You were more than enough. I just wasn’t complete yet.

What did you guys hate about the relationship?

Somto: There was nothing to hate. If I had met Caroline at a different point in my life, things might have worked. Right now, I’m not just in the mood for a relationship. 

Caroline: I didn’t really hate anything. The timing was just off. I was very busy at that point and the feeling that I wasn’t doing enough or spending adequate time with him kept eating me up. Sometimes, I’d make him come to my meetings so we could spend more time together. 

What was your sex life like?

Caroline: Honestly, it wasn’t intense. We made out and it was just there, but we never had sex. We tried, but I didn’t feel ready.

Somto: Meh. I’m not pushy so, for me, it wasn’t a priority. I’ve had it too many times to care.

What did you pick up from the relationship?

Somto: She pushed me to do a lot of things. I basically doubled my hustle because of her. 

Caroline:  His music sense. I’ve been listening to a lot of songs he likes. I am also still friends with some of his friends. Oh, and I’m now experimenting with weed. 

Are you guys still attracted to each other? 

Caroline: Attraction is such a wide spectrum. I am still attracted to him physically and because I have been in a relationship with him, it’s easier to say that I still might be attracted to him emotionally, but the relationship fucked me up and gave me PTSD. I couldn’t even listen to some songs I liked because they reminded me of him. 

Somto:  I would assume so. Probably. 

How did you guys get over the break up? 

Somto: I was still getting over one when I got into this one so it felt like a compound effect for me. Dealing with it while working was very effective for me. 

Caroline: When we would fight in the relationship, because of how busy I was, I never had time to brew over it. When I went home because of Corona, I had time to organise my feelings and frankly, I lashed out at him.

The night of the breakup, I called my best friend and cried over Facetime. A friend of his kept checking in on me for about a week to make sure I was okay. The sleepless nights didn’t help either. I don’t want to say I was used, but I felt deceived. 

Somto: Caroline, in all honesty, I was very nice to you. I never lied to you. 

Caroline: But you concealed the truth and that’s just as bad. 

Somto: Did I? Did I really? 

Caroline:  You using the term “bullied” at the start of this interview when all I did was ask you is very weird. I wish I had my old phone so I can go through the chats and see where I came off as a bully.

If you didn’t want to, you shouldn’t have accepted. We’ve had this argument before where you said you never wanted this and because I really don’t want to keep bringing this up. So, yes, lying and concealing the truth may be different but they are closely related.

Somto: The night I told you I didn’t want this and would prefer we were friends. You looked at me with sad puppy dog eyes and I felt pressured. I don’t really like dealing with emotional stress, I’m not really good at handling it.

When I start hinting at not wanting to do something and you start giving me those eyes, I just go with it. At the point I felt it was too much, it made more sense to just rip the bandage off.

Somto, would you say you dated her out of pity? 

Somto: It wasn’t really out of pity. I understood what it felt like to be alone and didn’t want that for her. I really liked her. You have to understand that I was just trying to get over my ex. 

Caroline: Wow.

So, she was a rebound?

Somto:  💀

Caroline:  It’s all good. I just wish you had said something in the beginning instead of having me go through all this. 

Is there a chance of getting back together at all?

Caroline: In this exact moment, I’d say no.

Somto: I don’t think so. 


Check back every Thursday by 9 AM for new Love Life stories here. The stories will also be a part of the Sex Life newsletter, so sign up here.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill this form.

Zikoko Donation Banner

Help Zikoko keep making the content you love

More than ever, people are turning to Zikoko for stories that matter and content they love. But still, we, like many media organisations, are feeling the financial heat of these times. If you find us valuable, please make a contribution to help keep Zikoko zikoko-ing.

Thank you for your support.

We are also cool with Crypto.

Donation Close
Zikoko Logo

Complete Your Commitment

Donation confirm

Your Contribution is confirmed! Amount

Eris Ekanem

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

August 24, 2020

If for any reason whatsoever, you need to end things with your Nigerian girlfriend (and I’m sure there are plenty of reasons. Nigerian women: I fear who no fear dem), I’ve compiled a list of handy excuses you can use to terminate your love affair with a Nigerian woman. If she touches your bald head […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

July 28, 2021

The subject of today’s What She Said is a 24-year-old woman who has a very rocky relationship with her stepmum. She talks about how she misses her mum, the ill-treatment she got at the hands of her stepmum, and the medical condition that messes up her self confidence. What’s your earliest childhood memory? It’s driving […]

July 27, 2021

Not everyone gets to be the rich Nigerian aunty, some of us have to be the broke aunty to bring the balance. If you are reading this, you are probably in doubt of what type of aunty you are. There’s a high chance you are a broke Nigerian aunt, and here are some signs to […]

July 27, 2021

With Nigerian Aunties, it is one of two things. Either they make life soft or a living hell for you. There’s the one that is basically your elder sister and the one that is always in your business 24/7. Here are 8 types of Nigerian aunties. 1.The rich Nigerian aunty This type of Nigerian aunty is […]

two women with curly hair
July 27, 2021

If you found out your younger sex was having sex, how would you react? We spoke to three Nigerian women about how they found out that their younger sisters were sexually active and how they reacted. Here’s what they had to say:  IB, 24 One day, we were gisting and she said,  “You know I’m […]

Recommended Quizzes

November 28, 2019

There are so many talented and stunning Nollywood actors that make it hard not to fall in love with them. So, while we all know the likelihood of us ending up with any of them is super low, it’s still fun to imagine a world where we actually stood a chance, and that’s why this […]

December 11, 2019

In the past month, we’ve made quizzes that guessed the last time you had sex, how many people you’ve slept with, and just how good you are in bed. For our latest attempt, we will use your taste in Nigerian music from the 2010s to ascertain what you’re like in bed. Take to find out:

November 1, 2019

Twitter is buzzing right now, bringing a new conversation to the concept of cool vs not-so-cool, especially in relationships. If you’ve been thinking about how much of a red flag you are, why don’t you let this quiz help you decide once and for all?

More from Ships

Sex Life
July 24, 2021

Whether you’ve been reading Zikoko Sex Life for two years or you’re reading it for the first time today, here are some stories you must enjoy at least twice. 1. Awakening My Bisexuality At 27 I remember when we were making out, it was so intense that I suddenly felt the urge to tell this […]

July 22, 2021

It started with this tweet. Someone didn’t think this was necessary. But the rest of you were like: Here we go. P.S: This is not dating advice 🙂 1. Sounds fair, no? 2. What is yours is ours 3. I hear you. I hear you. 4. And they say the complete package doesn’t exist 5. […]

July 19, 2021

Not everyone hates their exes, some people still have fond memories of the ones who got away. Sometimes, relationships don’t work for reasons beyond our control and some people still hold their exes dear to them. Here are what some people have to say about their favourite ex: David, 35 I have known her since […]

July 19, 2021

Dating your coworker can be tricky because if it ends in tears, you might end up jobless. Here’s a guide to making sure that doesn’t happen to you.  1.Check if they wear a ring often It is one thing to date a coworker and another thing to date someone else’s partner. If their relationship is […]

July 17, 2021

The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 28-year-old heterosexual woman. She talks about how her first sexual relationship ended in shame because her partner spread gossip about the sex and how her fear of being tagged promiscuous prevented her from having sex with the men in her social circle. What was your first sexual experience? […]

Love life image with a lesbian couple
July 15, 2021

Ella, 23, and Adaora, 21 have been dating for eleven months. Today on Love Life, they talk about navigating a relationship after Adaora ran away from home, learning how to set boundaries and their future plans for each other.   What is your earliest memory of each other?  Adaora: My first memory was when we first […]

July 13, 2021

Friendships are harder to form as adults but easier to maintain, especially if you befriend people who understand that you’re both busy and have lives outside of each other but can make time when necessary. Here are seven ways to make friends as adults. 1. Stand on the road and beg people You can have […]

July 10, 2021

Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians. The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 26-year-old bisexual man who talks about being sexually abused as a kid and how that led his developing a sexual addiction and finding it hard to […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X